I've been feeling really useless. I'm a high school dropout but I blame myself for that. I get really bad panic attacks when I'm around a lot of people which I think led to me dropping out. Then I can't drive because I don't have good depth perception. I wear glasses, but the doctor still said I shouldn't drive. So now I'm an uneducated shut in with no license. I’ve been living on a $2,000 or $1,000 dollar check I get every three months, but bills, food, and family (including pets) forces me to use it up in a month, so I have to go donate plasma. I really want to get my G.E.D and get an art degree so I can get a job without leaving my house or so I can at least call myself an artist and have an option to get a job.
Then reality sets in. My family won't help me, taking a bus is out of the question, and I can't get medication for my panic attacks because I have no insurance or someone who will take me to the mental health clinic, plus no money. I need to have a steady income, but no one will help me. I feel so useless. I can't do anything. I can't even join the army since I have bad eyesight and I had asthma when I was young. Some days I feel like disappearing. My family would still get the check. I mean, I don't do anything, so If I'm gone nothing would change. I feel that if I'm gone everyone and everything will be better without me. I have nothing to live for, my self-esteem is gone along with my pride.
Uh, is there any advice you can give me?
mb (age 23 in Arizona)
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Papabear gives you a big HUG. I thought you might need it. I’m glad you took the time to write me. You have three issues here, one being, I perceive, thoughts of suicide, but I think we can alleviate that if we fix the other two issues: health and education.
Let’s do health first. I am a little surprised you have apparently not heard of the passage of the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare). With your extremely low income, you should easily qualify for health insurance in Arizona at little or no cost. Two sites I want you to check out: 1) The Arizona Department of Economic Security’s health care page, and 2) The federal government site. You should qualify for health care assistance, after which you find a doctor and go see them about your health issues.
The second subject is schooling. I’m proud of you for wanting to get your G.E.D. so that you can find work and make something of yourself despite your family’s shameful lack of support. Fortunately, you were born in the technological age, and there are ways for you to earn your G.E.D. at home for free. In your state of Arizona, there is Insight Academy of Arizona. You can also check out Arizona Connections Academy. These places offer high school courses, but you can also go online for help to specifically pass the G.E.D., such as Pima Academy, which offers on-site as well as online courses. Do a little research and you will find something suited for you.
When you are ready to take the G.E.D., this may be the one time when you actually have to arrange transportation to get to a testing facility. Make absolutely certain that you go to an accredited facility (there are scam facilities) by checking first with the Arizona Department of Education, which is also a great place for you to learn more about classes and testing.
In short, mb, there are ways for you to get the help you need, conveniently and at home for free, both medically and in school. Happily, you clearly have an Internet connection, since you emailed me, so all this is possible for you.
I hope that helps! If not, and you're still having depressing thoughts, please write me again. Good Luck and BIG BEAR HUGS!
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