COVID-19 Canceled Her Prom

Hi Papa Bear,

First of all, I truly want to thank you. Many years ago, when I was 12, I stumbled upon your site and writing to you and reading the archive of letters helped me so much, both in deciding to join the fandom and beginning to understand that I was bisexual and accepting that. In times where I'm at my lowest I still come here and your words always help me.

I'm writing you now to ask for help contextualizing my emotions. For context I am a Senior in High school, and of course like everyone else I've been stuck at home since March 15th.

At first, it seemed there was a light at the end of the tunnel, that I'd see my friends again on April 15th, then May 1st, then finally that light was put out as in person classes were officially cancelled until next school year--which means nothing to me as I'll be in college.

This has all taken a huge toll on my mental health. I already live far from my friends and my boyfriend, and just calling has been a fine substitute until last night.

Yesterday was supposed to be the day of my school's Prom, and originally me and my boyfriend had asked our friend group if we could do a call of some sort and maybe dress up and play some games and music. At first everyone seemed okay with this, but when the night came nobody responded as they all went off to do other things. In that moment, I just broke down. I couldn't stop crying and I felt so foolish because in the grand scheme of things, it's just superficial high school stuff right? But it's more than just Prom. Prom just represents everything that's been taken away from me. So many people I'll never see again, who are staying here or going to a different school, people who may not have been my dearest friends but still meant a lot to me as part of my adolescence. The fact that as President of my school's Drama Club I never got to take my final bows, that I have to choose officers when I didn't get to properly evaluate their skills and leadership ability. Decision Day, our senior trip, competitions, birthdays, the list goes on.

It feels like I'm going to be shipped off to college without any proper resolution of my childhood and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm scared that even when things do go back to normal, It'll all be taken away again. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Nutmeg

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Dear Nutmeg,

I actually do remember you :-) and am grateful that my words have helped you in the past. Let me see if I can help you a little with this problem today. (Being German, I am fond of lists):
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1. My first suggestion was going to be the Alternative Prom, which is something a lot of young people have done such as what these people wrote in Teen Vogue https://www.teenvogue.com/story/alternative-prom. But it seems this is exactly what you tried to do, but your friends didn't show up. That's super disappointing. Did any of your other friends (or your school) try to organize alternatives to prom? If so, I would try and get in on one of those events. Perhaps an online prom?
2. Recognize that what you are looking for is not so much a prom or other party or ceremony as it is closure. You are seeking a way to properly say goodbye to your teen years and high school as you enter the next phase of your life. There are a couple things you can do to accomplish this. For example, you can record a farewell message and put it on Facebook or TikTok or some other site or app and give a speech about what high school and your peers meant to you and wish them all farewell and, hopefully, continued friendship. On a more familial level, you can perhaps take a little trip with your parents and siblings to celebrate your graduation. Things are starting to open up some, and although I would not suggest a crowded beach or amusement park, perhaps you can find a scenic spot for a picnic or a hiking trail, or just have a small party with pizza and videos at home. Order a celebration cake, blow out candles, and scarf some carbs and sugar.
3. Acknowledge that you are not the only one going through this. Every high school senior is, as well as those graduating from college. Graduation ceremonies are nice, and it is lovely to get some attention for your accomplishments in school, but, in the end, they are soon over and life goes on. As you already noted, there are people out there with bigger troubles from COVID-19 than the mere cancellation of a ceremony. Over 100,000 Americans have now died from this just in the United States. Those victims and their families are suffering much more than you are, so take a moment and put things in perspective. Be grateful that you and your family are not sick, and count your blessings instead of focusing on your losses.
4. Related to the above, divert your attention from the past and from graduations and focus your attention on the future. As you get ready for college, there is a LOT for you to do! If you pay attention to that, work on what is ahead, it will draw your attention on something besides the past.
5. Last-ditch effort: Have a Postponed Prom. Again, perhaps your school is already thinking of this. This is when you still have a prom, but you do it long after the crisis has settled down. It would be somewhat like having a high school reunion, which means it's likely not everyone would show up, but hopefully a lot of people would. It's never too late! Just because one date is impossible doesn't mean another is not.

Life is about phases. Each phase of your life involves saying goodbye to some things and greeting others. You can be of good cheer if you look at the new phases with optimism and hope. I'm reminded of my dear friend Motoko when she had to say farewell to her house and move into senior living apartments. Instead of grieving that she could no longer maintain her home, she looked forward to all the new friends she would make and all the things she would learn from them. You can do the same. Look ahead, not backwards.

Hope this helps you some. Congratulations on graduating, and I wish you luck, success, and happiness!

Papabear