Dear Papa Bear,
I've been seeing this guy, we haven't met in real life yet, but I've been with him online for a year now and he plans to come visit next summer. He is about 19 years older than me, and I'm pretty sure he isn't lying about his age. We've talked on the phone a few times, and sent pictures to each other of ourselves. He keeps trying to change himself for me, and it made me think, "What if he's a predator that just wants sex?"
He has all the qualities of a predator, Lonely for a while, changes themselves for you, sends gifts, wants to meet you, etc. If he is a predator, do you think he'd tell me if I asked, and if he isn’t/doesn't tell me, should I stay with him anyway?
P.S. my fur-name is Gilatto for comedic purposes, has nothing to do with real life stuff.
* * *
“Um, excuse me, mister, but are you a sexual predator?”
“Why, yes. Yes I am, young man, and I am here to rape you.”
Are you kidding me? I’m sorry for the snarkiness, Gilatto, but if you think about it, wasn’t that a rather silly question you posed? Of course he is not going to tell you if he is a sexual predator. And, on the other hand, if he isn’t and is genuinely interested in you as a person, asking him such a question would be a real mood killer.
Papabear has a lot of faith in instinct and has come across a question or two similar to this in the past in which someone had a feeling there was something wrong with the person interested in them. To this I say, “Trust your gut.”
The value of instinct is undervalued in our modern culture, but, despite the fact that humans have tried to distance themselves from their animal qualities, we still have some of that instinct and right now it is telling you to stay away from this guy.
It’s not so much the factor that he is almost two decades older than you (though that isn’t so hot), but rather what you say about his buying you gifts and “changing himself” to be more appealing to you. Papabear thinks you are right that those are red flags that something is up.
Other signs that he could be a predator include always agreeing with what you say, being extremely interested in sex talk (duh, but I know a lot of furries do online yiff and might think nothing of this), he has asked for naked pictures of you, he seems eager to please you, he is very interested in finding out where you live and wants to meet you alone.
This could be a very dangerous situation, Gilatto. A guy like this might be after more than just sex—he could be lethal. Stay away from him, please. And, if you are still unsure, talk to your parents about it.
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