Dear Papa Bear,
Although I myself am not a furry, several people I know, including my husband are. I've asked around and a good friend of mine pointed me your direction, and I thought, seeing as it's related to furries and what I understand is fairly typical furry behaviour, why not ask a seemingly supportive and helpful furry for a little advice?
Anyway, I'm not entirely sure how to go about this,so please bear with me, and forgive me in advance for talking your ear off.
I'll start from the beginning. A few years ago, I was in a major accident and was hospitalized for several months. My husband, at the time just my childhood best friend, discovered the fandom shortly before that, and turned to the community for support.
Now, I am eternally grateful to the community for the support it showed him, because he suffers from severe depression and has often acted out on suicidal tendencies, and the community acted as a safety net of sorts that distracted him and helped him deal with what he was going through at the time. He's a real piece of work with a shitload of issues, but his heart's in the right place and I'll be damned before any one of his problems makes me love him less.
But he's not who I'm here about. Well, partially. I'll explain.
During the time I was down and out, he made several friends in the fandom. One of them at the time was an 11 year old kid. From what I can tell, they became friends while discussing his family life and his family troubles as well as my husband's family issues and childhood. Both of them have fairly terrible biological parents and often talked about that. He often stated that he felt his parents were mentally abusing him by denying him unrestricted access to the internet, and in particular, the more adult side of Furaffinity, and my husband would dredge up memories of various things his parents did and said to him as a child. from that a sort of brotherly bond developed.
After that, a bit of turmoil in the kid's family lead to him moving and my husband losing contact with him for several years. My husband and I grew increasingly busy with work and he sort of moved on from the fandom. About a year ago, they made contact again, the kid, then 16, nearing 17, was finally given an opportunity to return to the fandom and dove in headfirst. He started contacting my husband and I again and we were glad to be talking to him again after so many years.
Conversations were a little awkward and far apart at first, as to be expected, seeing as it'd been 5 or so years since we last talked and we weren't sure what to say, or what not to say.
After a few months, my husband asked me, awkward and unsure how to say it, if I'd agree to be the kid's pet with him. Now, I'm fairly ignorant when it comes to a lot of things online. I wasn't really sure what it meant, and the kid did a right fine job of confusing me even more. From what I understood, it was similar to the whole furry family thing my husband tried to explain to me years ago. He tried to explain that, seeing as the kid was his furry brother, after our marriage, that made me his furry brother too, and the whole concept was a little above my head to be honest. So I assumed it was pretty much the exact same thing. My husband also understood it the same way I did, and he said that seeing as the kid had supposedly been through a lot in the years we didn't have contact, it'd be nice to go along with it. So, I agreed.
Now that's were things began to take a dip. The first time I spoke to him after that, he said he wanted to yiff me, and I honestly had absolutely no idea what it meant. After a bit of explaining from my husband, I realised what he meant, and was told that it's a fairly common thing to do between furry brothers/masters and pets. Now, first of all, I was not very comfortable with the thought of role-play of that nature, seeing as I am in a relationship, secondly, he is underage, and I'm not comfortable with that.
My husband is the kind of person who gets extremely flustered and abashed if you so much as mention a penis near him, so I wasn't used to someone being so open about things of that nature either.
Neither my husband nor I were really very comfortable with it, because we've got each other, and we don't really want sexual relations with other people, and he is underage, but we sort of shrugged and told ourselves that he's half a world away, and it doesn't mean anything, so it was ok and we went along with it for his sake.
After a while, it seemed that it was all he was interested in, because within 5 minutes of greeting him, he comments on how horny he is, or how great our asses look and feel and how he can't wait to have his way with it and things to that effect. So after a while it became very awkward and uncomfortable for us to talk to him, but hey, we were teenagers, so we looked past it because it was probably just hormones.
After a while I realised he didn't really care about much else from us anymore. I travel a lot for work, and on one particular business trip, I was stuck in meetings from dusk till dawn because of various onsite issues that needed to be solved. During this time, my husband went through a bout of severe depression I was not aware of at the time, and he tried to talk about it with the kid, but the kid disregarded what he was saying and tried to start yet another sexual role play session. I was extremely upset with him for that, because my husband reached out to him and he ignored it completely. That was the first major strike for me.
He eventually introduced first my husband, then my to his latest characters. Two males who were obviously based of my husband and I. Both were dumbed down, over-sexualized and stereotyped versions of us. My husband didn't mind that, but I felt it was more than a little weird to have what was essentially a perpetually horny, bimbo-fied version of myself running around. He regularly told my husband all the sexual escapades between these characters and his own fursona, which was weird, and extremely uncomfortable for my husband to hear, seeing as he was essentially being told how oversexed me is sleeping around with anything and everything that moves, and on an almost daily basis.
What bothers me most is that he has recently taken to referring to us as these characters. It feels like he wants us to become the characters he's created. Almost as if he doesn't care about what happens as long as we just drop out pants when he commands.
I don't know... What do you think? Do you think I am overthinking things and just being to hard on him? I feel like I shouldn't let this get to me at all, but it does, and any attempts to say anything are swiftly ignored and replaced with an attempt to begin another role play session, so I feel like at this point trying to reason is pointless.
Nicolas (age 32)
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Thanks for your letter. On behalf of the furry community, I apologize for this experience. Furries like this kid give us a bad name and make it sound as if furries are all about sex. We're not. This kid has definite issues regarding sex--that is, a sexual addiction. Some of it might be attributed to youth, but if sex is all he thinks about, then that's a definite problem.
Secondly, your feelings of discomfort are completely valid. Do not apologize for them. It sounds like you feel obligated in some way to do what this kid wants because of your husband. You are not obligated. Friendship and family are two-way streets and should be built upon respect. This guy clearly doesn't respect you and your husband, which was made clear when your husband wanted to talk about some serious issues and all the kid wanted to do is yiff.
My advice: explain to him clearly and in no uncertain terms that you really are not interested in sexual role play, that you are happily married and monogamous, and that his sexual overtures make you uncomfortable. Also, make it clear that you don't really appreciate having a hypersexual character based on you. By not explaining this, you are actually passively encouraging him to continue what he's doing. Have this discussion with your husband, too, and make sure you're both on the same page. It sounds like he, too, feels somehow obligated to this yiffy fur out of some sense of gratitude for his earlier friendship. But, as I said before, friendships should be based on mutual respect, and if this fellow can't respect you then it is not a friendship worth having.
Yes, there is a faction of the furry community that seems to think yiffing is somehow obligatory. That makes me sad. While I myself am sexually liberated and feel that many people are too sexually repressed (especially in America), you CAN go too far in the opposite direction to the point of being ridiculous and even unhealthy. This is the case of this fur. He could actually use some help from a counselor, but that's not your responsibility.
See if you can get him down to a friendship level that is platonic. And let me know how it goes.
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