Chemo Changed His Mate for the Better, So Why Is This Furry Scared?

Dear Pop,

This is kinda new but I guess I'm at a loss and could really use some advice. Recently I’ve been debating whether going back to my old relationship is a good idea or not. It's not that he's a bad guy, it's just there was no real growth because of the way he handled problems. He preferred to handle them along and sort of "bleed it out"; unfortunately that went both ways in his eyes. Whenever I had a problem or anything he didn't really like to talk or help on it, kept saying, "Unless it can be fixed I see no reason to bring it up." It's nice to vent and relax. 

He was just put back into chemo and is now home; however, he's been acting differently ever since. He wants to talk to me more, he's open about his feelings and ... it scares me. The one side of him bleeding it out was he was strong. To me he was like superman or something and would always be strong for the both of us. He's been through chemo and other treatments before for a few years now and every one up until this one he's always just dealt with the pain on his own and brushed it off. 

Now I’m worried he's not telling me something. I still care a lot for him and never really did stop loving him, but it's hard to love something that won't grow and now the sudden change. Maybe it's just me being stubborn and wanting to jump right back into this relationship, maybe it's me having a scare factor and wanting to go back to him because I don't want to lose him. I'm just in a really confusing and lost place right now and could really use some help.

-Winter

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Dear Winter,

You do sound confused, yes. On the one paw, you didn’t like it when he was really stoic and didn’t change, and on the other you don’t like it now that he is more emotional and has changed. I guess this falls under the “be careful what you wish for” category. You wanted him to change, and now he has, but you miss the strong, stoic guy. You mention he has gone through chemo before, but sometimes a guy can take only so much before he begins to fret about his own mortality. It might not be that this time was any more serious than the other chemo treatments; it’s just that this was the straw that collapsed the camel’s hump.

You can’t have it both ways, Winter. You need to accept that he is different now. And, actually, you should be grateful that he is opening up more. At last you will get the chance to peer into his heart and know what his hopes and fears truly are. Instead of being scared and running away, now is the time to try and make your relationship stronger. Talk to him, find out what is on his mind. You say you don’t want to lose him, so be there for him, whatever may come.

You want a real relationship? This is what real love and real relationships are about. Being there for the one you love. He fell down on the job before, something you mistook for strength that was actually cowardice; he was running away from problems, but at last he has stopped running. Don’t do what he did by trying to ignore the pain. Be strong. 

Hugs,

Papabear