I'm going to start off by saying that I appreciate what you do. When I go to Yahoo! answers I mainly get trolls. Anyways, I've been involved with the fandom since 2010, but I refuse to publically identify as a furry because my friends and family aren't the most open-minded people. But I can't keep it a secret anymore because my mother found furry pornography on my computer, I'm constantly teased by my friends, and there's a lot of tension between me and my mother. What should I do?
David (age 15, Las Vegas)
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Unlike a lot of furries who write and ask how to come out to friends and family, we have the reverse situation here: the cat is already out of the bag, so is there a way to stuff it back in?
Short answer: no, not really, not unless you declare it was just a passing fancy and you stop looking at furporn or furry stuff of any kind for the rest of your days. But, if you are a true furry to the bone, you can’t do that (well, you can stop the porn, but you’ll always want to look at furry stuff).
On the other paw, if you have no scruples about lying, you could always say it was just a phase and that you are no longer interested in it, and then sneak around. You could store your furporn on secure, password-protected websites, you can search on furry stuff while using the incognito setting of your web browser, and you can generally keep things hidden until you go off to college or find your own place to live.
There is yet another option, however: be yourself without apologies. Let’s start with Mom. She would be upset with you whether she caught you looking at furporn or regular porn or gay porn. Most parents react this way because they have a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that their babies are becoming sexually active adults. So, here’s what you do: tell her you’re sorry she saw what she did, but you promise not to go to such sites anymore. Furthermore, you promise to allow her to monitor your online behavior. But you still want to be a furry. Tell her there is a LOT about being a furry that has NOTHING to do with sex. There are even Christian furry websites. Furries do a lot of charity work, too, and a lot of it is just about hanging out with friends and socializing and having fun with the creativity of it. Your mother, right now, is feeling a bit hurt and betrayed by your sneaky behavior, but you can patch things up with Mom by telling her you want to have an open and honest and above-board relationship with her and you will not sneak around any more.
The friend situation might be a little tougher. You don’t say how your friends and other peers found out you were a furry, but if they were really your friends, they wouldn’t tease you in a hurtful way (if they are just teasing in a silly way without intending to be mean, then it might be you just need a stronger backbone—tease them back; it’s part of what many friends do, you know, razz each other). If they are being deliberately mean, tell them to stop bugging you about it, and if they don’t then they aren’t your friends.
Meanwhile, you can, if you haven’t already, find some furiends. Join a local furry group, such as, in your case, the Las Vegas Furry Community at http://www.vegasfurs.net/ and start getting some friends who are on your side and like the same things you do.
Hope this helps. Good luck, fellow furry!
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