Calm Your Dating Fears by Moving Slowly

Dear Papabear,

It's me again, and I feel bad for taking your time with this odd question, but there's this guy I like. He is kind and sweet and we listen and help each other with our problems, I told him about me being gay and he was like "no surprise there, I knew it for a while now", I asked him how he knew and he just said he had a feeling. I thanked him for having the decency to wait until I told him instead of pestering me like my other friends did. Anyway, I really like him, and he is bi, so I was wondering how do I ask him out. Every time I try I get all tongue tied and nervous because he is my first guy crush that I can actually talk to. So sorry about the two questions but how do I ask him out and how do I get over my nerves when even thinking about it gives me butterflies in my stomach?

Yours truly,
Austin

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Hi, Austin,

I suspect you get butterflies because you're thinking too far ahead: that is, thinking to yourself, "What if we end up in bed?" Instead of thinking about that, I would suggest you take it slowly. Just ask him to join you to see a movie or do some other fun activity together, maybe lunch or dinner added to the mix, but don't go so far as to ask him to your bedroom (the old comical line of "Want to see my etchings?" or, perhaps more understandable to your generation, "Wanna come inside and play some video games?") In fact, don't go into either one of your homes.

Once you remove the nerve-wracking thought of sexual romance, you should be able to calm down enough to ask him out because it is a non-threatening "dinner and a movie" proposition. Do this a few times until you feel more comfortable, and then you can consider going to second base.

Good luck!
Papabear