Bully is Queen of the Drama Derps

Heya Papabear.

I'm feeling very bothered right now. As to why.......

In my local fur group there was this guy who I think talked the most in the group and had the snarkiest comments out of everyone. Anyway, I had no problem with this fur and I have to say I enjoyed hanging out with him.

Then in the last meet, I had to leave early and he posted a snarky comment about those that left early that I mistook to implying I was lying about my excuse to leave (I basically mentioned my depression was coming on). Anyway, he told me he didn't mean it that way and I apologized immediately. Then he became rather belligerent and rude, resulting in cursing and such. Then he left the group in a huff after giving a final "f*** you" to me and blaming his leaving on me in the main chat the group has.

He came back today and immediately told me in private chat that we should just not talk to each other if we are to get along. I didn't quite understand why and I asked why as politely as I could and never got a response, then he began posting in the main chat every few seconds and I got a little scared to post things because I didn't want to upset him or anything.

So I talked to one of the mods (or admins/person that helps run the place) and she went and put up a warning on the main chat stating that there is no profanity, drama should be kept in private conversations and it is not tolerated to tell someone not to talk. I got a list of angry responses from him then basically asking if I was "serious" and that I needed to "grow up" (which is kind of ironic considering I'm older by a month) along with more profanities.

I told the mod and sent her a screen cap of the conversation, and apparently he lied to her about something and he left the group then, but not before sending me several messages calling me a "punk a** b****" and threatening to punch me in the face the next time he sees me.

I know it's all talk and everything, but I'm getting really freaked out and I'm shaken up pretty badly. I'm scared to go to the next meet with the group since he knows where and when it is and that I travel there by myself. Is that an irrational fear or should I make sure to bring a friend or be in close contact with an admin or someone while going to the meet? Maybe I should bring some mace just in case?

I'm also bothered that all this erupted over that one tiny miscommunication where I apologized immediately after and tried to be nothing but polite afterwards. He probably was going through some other stuff with other people as well (which the admin confirmed vaguely, but I'm not going to push it or anything). However, that shouldn't be an excuse.

Now I'm mainly just scared that he's going to start spreading rumors about me online or something along those lines. I still have the conversation log so I can prove him wrong if he lies again, but I don't want to do that at all.

How do I get out of this and how do I clear my head? I'm scared now for no real reason or do I have a reason? I haven't had any other problems in the group and I know I have support from friends in there, but it's still bothering me a lot.

What would you do in this position, Papabear? How would you get out of it?

-DT

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Dear DT,

Wow, sounds like this guy is the Queen of Drama. He obviously has some serious anger issues and is taking them out on you (would not be surprised if his home life stinks, but that’s not your problem). You are extremely smart to keep those written records of your conversations in which he is threatening you, and if there are more such messages from this derp, save them as well.

The next thing I would do, if you haven’t already done so, is send him an email informing him that you are keeping all these records and, if he continues to threaten you, you will show them to your local authorities; furthermore, if he makes any physical threats, you will contact an attorney and get a restraining order against him. This might sound extreme, but usually just the threat of contacting police or an attorney will shut a bully up.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, people such as this guy are full of crap. They make big threats and act like tough guys, but on the inside they are big fat cowards. Such is the personality of the bully. I would not be so overly concerned as to refrain from going to meets. Do not allow this guy to affect how you lead your life and how you socialize with furiends because then he has beaten you. If it makes you more comfortable, see if you can go to the meet with another friend and carpool or however you get there, but don’t let him get to you so much that you stop doing what you like to do.

The best way to deal with a bully is to stand up for yourself and don’t be a weenie. Bullies cower from people who face them. They are pussies at heart (pardon my French, but I have no tolerance for bullies). So, don’t be afraid and you will be just fine. Keep playing it smart as you have been, though, just to be certain.

Hugs,

Papabear