Bratty Younger Brother Spied on Him and Now He's Afraid of What Baby Bro Will Tell Parents

Hey Papabear, 

I didn't know who else to go to and this seemed like the most appropriate and unbiased place to get some help. I'm not real good with words so I'll try to make this quick. All my life my entire family including myself were raised on Conservative/Libertarian and Christian views. And this actually brings me to two problems. Today, while I was taking a nap in my room after church my brother came in while I was asleep on went on my phone which I had open to kik, a messaging service kind of like IMS. So my little brother opens kik to a chat I was having with another guy. We were both furries and we began a session of yiff that escalated into much more than just "scritches" and "pawing" or whatever. We ended up exchanging nudes, as humiliated as I am to say it. So my brother finds my chat with the other furry (whom I will call Dexter), and he sees the pictures of nudes and messages we sent each other. He wakes me up and demands at me "Who is this Dexter the wolf? You sent him your privates?! You gay freak!" I tried to explain to him that I'm not gay and that I didn't know what I was doing but my brother wouldn't have any of that. I need your help papa bear, my brother could tell anyone at any moment and I don't know what to do. I would be kicked out of the house if my parents ever found out I exchanged nudes period, I'd be out of the house and living in my truck. We both told each other what city we lived in, so that just makes matters worse. We're both 16 so at least I know that he's not some kind of pedophile or sex offender. I just desperately need your help Papa Bear, I don't know what to do, my brother won't even speak to me and I'm terrified to think what'll happen if he tells anyone. 

Thanks for your time and I love the site. 

Infidel Hammurabi the Bulldog

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Hi, Hammurabi,

Couple things I need to know: 1) what state do you live in? 2) how old is your brother?

In most states, if you are under 18, it is ILLEGAL for your parents to kick you out of the house. That's abandonment. 

If your brother is younger, it may be that he has less pull with your parents than you do, and so your parents are more likely to believe you than him; if he's older, the reverse might be true.

That aside, why the heck is your brother spying on you? Something you're not telling Papabear? Sounds like you and he have some serious sibling rivalry going on here that you should tell me about.

Also, what kind of relationship do you have with your parents? Is it bad already and that's why you fear this incident would be the straw that breaks the camel's back? What's going on between you and your parents? Sounds like you're a good do-be who goes to Church etc. 

If you haven't already, delete any naughty stuff from your phone and computer. Delete history. And stop visiting adult sites. I needn't tell you the obvious here, which is that if you are not ready to suffer the embarrassment, you should never send nude pics electronically. Don't do it again until you are prepared for the consequences.

Let me know about the above and I'll write more.

Hugs,

Papabear

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Good evening, Papa Bear,

I am currently living in Houston, Texas. And as I see it sir, the relationship between my parents and I is generally going well, but between my brother who is 11 as of February, I don't know why but he has just always been nosy as long as I can remember. I love my parents and like to see my dad as a role model for when I enlist for the Navy after high school. The relationship is usually up and down with my brother and I, one minute we could be arguing the next we'd be fine. The only problem is that I've had a history of lying, most of them just being small white lies but nevertheless they tend to trust him a bit more at times. As for the sites, I never really thought it through I guess, I have a tendency to look before I leap so to speak. I do apologize if this leads into any sort of dead ends or loops in my writing sir. Thank you for your time and God bless.

With respect,

Infidel Hammurabi

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Hi, Hammurabi,

Ah, Texas. That’s not good, since if you are 15 or older it is apparently okay for a parent to kick you out of the house http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/txstatutes/PE/5/22/22.041. Texas has always been such a progressive state.

That aside, what your brother did was immoral. He had no reason to spy on you, other than apparently trying to catch you at something to make trouble for you. Now, the interesting thing is that he hasn’t told your parents yet, which means, probably, that he is going to hold this over your head as leverage to get something from you. He’s a weasely little snot, isn’t he, and he’s only 11 years old? Someday he’ll make a great congressman.

Since you and your family are Church-goers, here’s what the Bible says about spying, according to the site Reformation.org:

In the Holy Bible, spies and spying are held in utter contempt. Spying was a despicable business 3,700 years ago, and it is much more despicable today. About 3,700 years ago there was a universal famine, and thanks to Joseph, Egypt was the only country with grain.

Joseph–a type of the Messiah–was ruler in Egypt when his brothers came down from Canaan to buy grain. Joseph accused his brothers of the worst crime imaginable: he called them SPIES:

And Joseph remembered the dreams which he dreamed of them, and said unto them, "ye are spies; to see the nakedness of the land ye are come" (Genesis 42:9).

Joseph's brothers denied that they were spies because they told him that they were HONEST men:

And they said unto him, "no, my lord, but to buy food are thy servants come. We are all one man's sons; we are HONEST men, thy servants are no spies" (Genesis 42:10-11).

Joseph commanded his brother to prove to him that they were honest men . . . and not spies:

"Send one of you, and let him bring your brother; and ye shall be kept in prison, that your words may be tested to see whether there is any truth in you; or else, by the life of Pharaoh, surely ye are spies!" (Genesis 42:16)

In the New Covenant, the Messiah was shadowed day and night by spies hired by the religious leaders:

So they watched him, and sent spies (Gk. en-ka-the-tos, Lat. insidiatores) who pretended to be righteous, that they might seize on his words, in order to deliver him to the power and the authority of the governor (Luke 20:20).

The Greek word enkathetos is translated as insidiatores in the Latin Vulgate Version. This is the origin of the English word insidious which means occult, deceiving, treacherous, evil, cunning, and perfidious . . . as in "Perfidious Albion."

Saint Paul warned the Congregation of those insidious spies who sought to undermine the Christian Faith from within:

And this occurred because of false brethren secretly brought in (who came in by stealth to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Joshua, that they might bring us into bondage) (Galatians 2:4).

The most infamous spy or secret agent in all of history was Judas Iscariot, who sold the Messiah for 30 pieces of silver. Judas is actually honored by the Vatican by having a day named for him: SPY WEDNESDAY.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “Let he without sin cast the first stone.” What your brother did was wrong. Now, he might come back at you with something like, “Well, being gay is worse!” Couple problems with that: 1) you’re not gay, and 2) the Bible actually says nothing explicitly against gay people. Here’s a good web page about that: http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/what-does-the-bible-say-about-homosexuality.

That all said, I’ll be frank and state that what you did was stupid to do. You made a mistake. So, here’s what you can do: head your brother off at the pass. Instead of cowering and hoping he doesn’t do anything, beat him to the punch and startle your parents with your forthrightness, and impress them with it. That is, go to them and tell them what happened: that you did something stupid, that your brother spied on you and saw it, and that you are very sorry you did it but that you are not gay and you will never do it again. This will go much better for you than if your brother tells them, putting you on the defensive. And, let’s face it, it will come out one way or the other, so it is better for you to do it.

I don’t know your parents, but if they are good Christians, they should understand the concept of forgiveness. You will likely have to have a lot of other conversations with them, and work on your trust issues. It will help if you stop lying to them, too, even white lies. If it helps, tell your parents you would be happy if the three of you could meet with your minister and discuss what happened. You might also bring your brother along and have the minister tell him to stop being a little snitch of a spy.

Finally, Hammurabi, you need to work a bit on your impulsiveness. This is not an unusual trait for a teenager, but now is a good time to start learning to be more deliberate and thoughtful in your actions, and here you have a perfect example of why that would be a valuable pursuit.

Good luck!

Papabear