Boyfriend and His Father Want Him in a Three-Way

Dear PapaBear,

It's me! Foxy!

It's been like what? More that a year since I last wrote?

Here's the deal. Xavier and I decided that I will sleep in his place until the break and I need a new scenery from the mansion. Xavier, my hunky lion boyfriend, just told me that his single father is coming home from work abroad. He also added he was formerly a soldier, and he is big and buff like him. Honestly I freaked out. How would his father react when he find out that his son is gay and I'm his partner? He also said that he's bi-curious ... bi-curious....

The day came and I met his father for the first time and Xavier just blurt it. I froze like ice and I just got a pat on the shoulder by his father. Wait, what? No screaming or long talks? Days passed and I noticed that his father is giving the looks... Not the aggressive look, but the sexy look. He shows up shirtless and sometimes only in undies and when chance permits it he pats my buns. Xavier said that he's just teasing me.... I can't help to think, “Is he hitting on me?”

"Dad's got his urges under control that is until the first time he sees you! My advice, He likes it vanilla and dislikes entering and being entered, like me but you already know that. Don't start without me around, he can get rough sometimes... and I might join in! Hehehe..." Xaviers says.

Wow Xavier likes those and I can't believe his father too. Like father, like son.

Should I or should I not... I dunno... Help!

Signed,
Foxy the Blessed... and the Mortified.

PS. Xavier and I already... uhm... did “those”... me giving him bj's and romantic frotts. Now I'm embarrassed...

* * *

Hi, Foxy,

You know Papabear. I’m quite Wiccan when it comes to personal choices, feeling that if you aren’t hurting anyone then whatever you might want to do should be okay.  But the “anyone” includes you. You did not ask for Xavier’s dad to make sexual advances on you and you are clearly uncomfortable with this, based on your letter. From what you have written, I would say, yes, he’s hitting on you. Your boyfriend seems cool with it, as long as you and his father don’t play without him.

*Deep breath.* Papabear would advise against this. I’m not thumping a Bible and saying it’s immoral, but it’s not a good idea. You would be opening up a huge can of worms. One of the biggest psychological rivalries in human families is the one between a father and son, even those that get along. There is always the comparison factor, such as the son feeling he doesn’t make his dad proud, or even the father being jealous that, say, the son did better at sports than he did when he was his son’s age. Now, take that natural competition into the bedroom, and  you are potentially striking a match over a barrel full of gun powder. Even if it goes well at first, jealousies could ignite. Your boyfriend could easily get jealous if you seem to like his dad in some way. In order to avoid this, you would have to be sure not to enjoy his father’s attentions very much, which would no doubt upset the father, and on and on.

If the father, as your bf says, can control himself, then he should do so. Just because you are gay and the father is “bi curious” doesn’t give him a license to make the moves on you. Discourage such things as his patting your buns or touching you in other inappropriate ways. I’m not a prude—good Lord, no—but to my sensibilities there is something really wrong with a man who hits on his own son’s boyfriend.

There is something else oddly suspicious, too. Xavier’s dad’s reaction when his son “blurted” out that he was gay and you’re his boyfriend. No reaction, just a shrug. This tells me that his dad already knew, which makes me think that Xavier and Daddy had a convo about this on the phone and made plans about playing with you. Possible? Yes. True? I don’t really know, but if I had Spidey Sense it would be crackling through every nerve in my body right now.

So ask yourself, “Am I attracted to his father? Do I want to have a three-way with them both?” My guess is you do not, and you just want to be with your boyfriend. Is Papabear right? If so, you should not allow yourself to be pressured into this. And you should tell your boyfriend that his father is making you uncomfortable and you would like to move out now. You only want to be with him, Xavier, not with his dad. If Xavier for some reason does not respect that, then write to me again because you have a major problem.

On the other paw, if you LIKE this idea, then Papabear will not judge you. However, be very careful where you tread as the path ahead of you is loaded with mine fields.

Good luck,

Papabear