Bi Student Worries about Bullying

Hello again!

I wrote to you about a couple of months ago with my concerns about my sexuality and first I'd like to say thanks for the help.

But now, my question. I am very much concerned about what might happen if people at my school find out about my sexuality, or what I think my sexuality is at this point (Bi-male preference). The problem is made harder by the fact that school children my age are the most horrible people on the planet and would use anything they could to make you feel unwanted and like a small insect under a bolder. If my sexuality was to get out, I would be constantly teased and made fun of and to be honest, I cannot take it, I've had it my whole life.

My question is simple, What should I do if it gets out? I assume I'll either get in rather large fights with people, or get borderline-suicidal depressed, both of which aren't good when your GCSE's are months away. Would you happen to have any suggestions? 

I don't think there will be a problem, I keep it very quiet and I present myself as being on the more manly side and nobody could suspect anything.

Thanks for reading

Fred

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Hi, Fred,

It’s true that teenagers can be terribly cruel to one another and that bullying is a very real problem at schools across the country. Kids are very much like a wolf pack in school: when they see a weak member, they attack that wolf and make sure that he or she stays at the bottom of the hierarchy. In this respect, middle (junior) and high schools are very feral communities. So, there are two courses of action to take here: 1) things you can do yourself, and 2) things you can do to make sure parents and the school are involved.

As for number one, you are probably correct that this is not the time to reveal your sexuality. When you get to college, you’ll be in an environment where that will be much more accepted—possibly even considered cool. The other thing you can do is prepare yourself for possible fights. Learn some self-defense, train in a gym, etc. Let’s face it, bullies are less inclined to pick on someone who has a good set of biceps because bullies are all cowards on the inside.

If you’re a popular person with a lot of friends and you’re good at sports, then probably no one will pick on you at all. But, if you are more of a loner and don’t participate in sports, you might already be a target. That’s just the way school society works, sadly. So, be prepared for that.

Next, do some checking on what programs are available at your school. What is the bullying policy? Is there a school counselor available for you? If you do get bullied, make certain that the teacher and principal know about it, and, if they do nothing, take it to the school superintendent. Still nothing done? Take it to your state department of education. I doubt you’ll have to take it to that high of an authority, though, as schools are really taking bullying a lot more seriously these days. Make sure your parents know, and also check out this site http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html which includes information on your state’s particular laws on bullying.

The point is, you don’t have to suffer alone and in silence if you are being bullied. TALK to people who can help you. Thankfully, you haven’t been bullied yet, and perhaps the strategy of being a “silently strong” guy could work for you. Word won’t get out that you’re bisexual if you don’t tell anyone, of course. If you DO tell someone, be careful whom you trust with this information. Remember, although it looks like you are in school with a bunch of your peers, you’re really in a jungle surrounded by wolves who can smell weakness. The only difference is that kids don’t always fight physically; they often just run a campaign of verbal smears and pranks and other cruel actions that, in some ways, are worse than being punched in the face. I know that from personal experiences with being bullied in school.

To be fair, Papabear believes that being gay or bi is starting to be less of a stigma in American society, including among youth. From what you’re saying about your school, that might not be the case, but around the country there is a growing movement of student support. Check out this cool website called the Gay-Straight Alliance http://www.gsanetwork.org/about-us. If you really want to be proactive, you could start a GSA club at your school, which might help to educate your peers and gain you and those like you more acceptance. Where there is acceptance, there is less bullying.

I hope some of this information helps you. I hope, too, that you can focus on what school is supposed to be about—academics—and get a good education without worrying too much about being bullied just because you’re bi.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear