I’m having trouble accepting my significant other's possible sexuality. You can refer to my boyfriend as Skittles, his fursona name. We're actually engaged but I’d rather call him my boyfriend until we're married. Anyway, just the other day I found out he thinks he may be asexual. He was homosexual before, and I myself am bisexual with a preference for men, but I consider myself homosexual. I love him more than anything and vice versa, and do not really care what his sexuality is, but I feel like he's more confused than anything. I don't know what has caused this seemingly sudden change. and as much as I don't like mentioning it, we ourselves have “explored our sexuality” one time before. With everything I know about him, it just doesn't make sense. Don't get me wrong, I want to support him, but I don't think that's the right thing to do in this case.
Unfortunately, I'm all he has to really talk to. He has a dark past. Both of his parents are dead, and his mom was very abusive, an alcoholic, and a literal whore. He currently lives with his grandparents, who he simply just doesn't trust. I can't go to my parents for guidance about the situation because they don't like him ever since they found out about that one time when we "explored our sexuality.” They don't know we're together, or that I proposed to him. We've been secretly communicating through email for the past several months. However, they do accept me for who I am and have nothing against homosexuality. I fear that both his past and lack of guidance may be interfering with him.
Kaleb Fox (age 17)
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Okay, first let me point out a contradiction here: you say your parents “have nothing against homosexuality” on one paw, but that they don’t like your boyfriend because you “experimented” with sexuality (meaning, I gather, had homosexual intercourse). So, they can’t have it both ways, and I’m guessing they actually don’t like homosexuals, though it’s nice they seem to be trying to be supportive of you.
While you might be wrong on the above point, I think you’re likely correct about your suspicion that Skittles is confused. He has had a rough life so far, and he is no doubt struggling with his sexual identity. (I’m one person who can certainly vouch for the fact that we sometimes don’t figure out our sexuality as teenagers.) Perhaps he is asexual, but this bear’s instincts tell him that Skittles is just going through some phases as he tries to figure himself out.
Therefore, the best thing for you to do is to be patient with him and don’t push him in any direction when it comes to sex; let him work on it himself. There are many many many other aspects of a relationship that you can explore and share in the meantime. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t even broach the subject of sex unless Skittles does first. If he does, let him talk, just listen, and bite your tongue to prevent any reflexive verbal reactions. Think carefully before you speak.
More important than sex right now is your relationship as a whole. You need to work on not having a secret relationship, which might not fully happen until you are both of legal age, but if your parents are understanding, as you say, it might work for that half of the family. His half, however, sounds like they will be more difficult to deal with.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
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