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Hi there,
I’m recently struggling around with how can I be myself. I have this problem for a while already but its getting annoying. So as I maybe said before I’m a gay fur. I adore femboy furs a lot, they can be so cute and all, and I want to be like that too, I also sometimes act really girly, now that brings me to the this: At about 50% of the day I feel really male and I’m like a cool motor biker, listening to hard music like hardcore or heavy metal and so on, and I feel really good then, but when I feel more comfortable, as like in class because they all now I’m a gay fur, I get to feel really girly and I'd just love to be one except for the genitals, as like a trans or crossdresser. But I cant satisfy that desire, to be able to try out clothing like a girl, its really embarrassing and I don’t have those clothes and its really awkward to go and buy some or ask some of my sister. Also its really different from feeling like a cool moto biker, I don’t know what feeling I have to follow, but one of my biggest dreams is trying out and being a trans for one day and see if I feel better. But I just don’t know how to get to the point I can try it out without my parents or family or bf finding me weird. How can get to that point I’m able to be a femboy without feeling embarrassed or weird? I’m scared that if I do like it a lot when I get to that point and choose to stay like that I’m gonna lose my bf :( or my family liking me. I have no friends not even on the internet who are a furry femboy and kinda experienced the same thing as me Bluefluffy Fusky (age 17, Flanders) * * * Welcome back, Bluefluffy, Papabear believes that many people are under the false preconception that they can only be one thing. In my experience, people are much more complicated than that. We have many many aspects of our personality. Some are more dominant than others, but we are definitely not one-dimensional. Therefore, you can be, sometimes, a biker dude, masculine and tough, and, at other times, express your more girly, softer side. There is nothing wrong with that. You are lucky you live in a place like Belgium, which is much more open-minded about such things than the Bible Belt in the United States. It is therefore rather remarkable to me that you feel so uncomfortable about expressing yourself in such a wonderful country. My guess about this is that your problem is you haven’t yet reached out to the LGBT community in your area. How can you know what opportunities are out there for friends and activities if, as you say, you have no friends in the community, not even online. You need to find some buddies, Bluefluffy, who understand you. Below are some helpful links that I copied from antwerp.angloinfo.com: LGBT Associations Çavaria: An umbrella organisation with over 120 member associations supporting the LGBT community through consultation and trainings. The organisation also lobbies the government to ensure equal rights for gay people and transsexuals in welfare campaigns and general policy. Sensoa: An organisation whose aim is to promote sexual health and sexual rights. Its primary aims include promoting sex education and the prevention of STDs and HIV. Active Company: A sport and leisure association and club for gay people and their friends.
Many decisions in our lives are made based on fear. We are always afraid of being judged harshly by others: friends, family, coworkers. The human psyche has a powerful drive to be accepted because we are desperately afraid of being alone. This has the effect of making us hide behind masks, concealing our true selves, and, when we do this, we die a little inside. The thing about fear, however, is it is often unjustified. When I found out I was gay, for example, I was very afraid of losing some of my Christian friends. Fortunately, I chose my Christian friends well, and they accepted me for what I was (wow, many other “Christians” could take a lesson here). The same can be true for you. I don’t know your family, but you might not be giving them enough credit and they could be a lot more understanding than you think. Same with your boyfriend. In summary, don’t think that you have to be just one thing or another; embrace the complexity of your personality and soul, but do not make decisions about who you are based on fear of rejection. And reach out to your local community. When it comes to things like shopping, I’d bet you that there are shopping areas a train ride away where you can try on some pretty clothes and see other guys in the store doing the same thing. Do some research on the wonderful thing called the Internet and you will begin to learn about them. Hugs, Papabear
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An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
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