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As Much as We Might Hate to Admit It, the Furry Fandom Is Not for Little Kids

3/7/2016

14 Comments

 
​My parents are highly against me being a furry. They have searched furry and all they got was furporn. I did not witness the search, so I'm not quite sure what they searched, but they are highly against it. I have a head of my own that I made, and I have many furry friends that go to school with me. Although, they still disprove of the fandom, they conform to the stereotypes that we all are into kinky, fetish, bestiality, having sex in suit stuff. I tried showing them Majira Strawberry's video about it, explaining that that is less than 30% of the fandom, but they won't have it. Each time they find a rogue angel dragon drawing or head base, they trash it without a second thought. I recently went through a major problem that got me and my boyfriend in severe trouble, and now we are restricted from communicating. He's 19 and is a furry, and I think that they associate our childish mistake with wanting to engage in kinky activities. Although, that was not our intention, we were just being dumb. But, I'm not sure how to tell them that I don't. I'm scared because they only like me to conform to their views of right and wrong. I don't know what to do.
 
Bloodlust (age 13)
 
* * *
 
Dear Bloodlust,
 
Hmm, well, first of all, if your parents know your furry name this is doing you no big favors. Second, and you will probably not like me for this, 13 is too young to be having a 19-year-old boyfriend, and if I were your dad I would be pretty darn nervous about that little development. Third, I would ask that you try to see things from your parents’ point of view for a little while and understand that they are trying to protect their baby girl. They are not trying to hurt you or impose insensitive rules on you or control your life. They simply care about your well-being. And, yes, that means they would like to see you “conform” to what they feel is right. After all, the only thing people can hold onto is their own sense of morality.
 
Ask yourself this: are your parents good people? Are they kind, and caring, and loving? Do they care about your life and whether or not you do well and are happy? If so, count yourself fortunate, for there are many children in the world who are not as lucky as you are.
 
What I’m trying to do in this reply, in case you don’t see it, is have you look at this situation from your parents’ viewpoint so that you won’t just think they are trying to be controlling and restrictive just to be mean to you.
 
There are many ways to be furry without getting anywhere near the kinky pervy side of it. For example, I would hope that your parents would not object to your seeing a movie like Zootopia. When I was your age, my Zootopia was Disney’s The Jungle Book and Robin Hood. I loved these animated features and watched them multiple times.
 
Bloodlust, let me tell you something here. As much as Papabear loves the fandom and knows that the majority of it has nothing to do with sex, the simple fact is this: the Furry Fandom is a fandom for adults and you, at 13, are not an adult. You might think you are, but you’re not. You’ll get there soon enough, though.
 
Therefore, my suggestion to you is to find ways to indulge your love of anthros that have nothing to do with the furry fandom until you are 18 years old (if your furry friends are into kinky stuff, it would actually be a good idea not to hang out with that crowd—you are too young). That might sound like a long time, but it will fly by. In the meantime! There are many things you can do such as watch furry movies, read comic books (G rated, please), watch TV cartoons, go on a Disneyworld vacation, and even be creative and learn how to draw or write stories.
 
So, Papabear is not going to give you advice on “how to convince my parents to let me be involved in the furry fandom.” The truth is, that ain’t gonna happen. Your parents are in charge of you until you come of age (and, frankly, sometimes beyond that). That is their right as parents. They recognize that the furry fandom is a fandom for sexually adult people (even though many furries themselves do not seem to recognize this). That is the simple fact.
 
Let me put it another way. Imagine there were a movie theater in which ticket buyers do not go into separate rooms where there is just one screen. Instead, there is just one huge room with multiple screens and they are all showing movies. Say 70% of these movies are clean, family-friendly movies, but the other 30% are X-rated films that leave nothing to the imagination. Would you want to go in there? Do your parents have the right to tell you not to go in there? The furry fandom—especially the online fandom—has almost no filters protecting the young from pornography.
 
Many young people believe that they can separate the porn from the G-rated furry stuff. Truth is, you cannot. The fandom has made it all too clear that porn is going to be in your face if you go to furry sites. Oh, sure, you can go to FurAffinity and click the SFW (safe for work) button, and you might even be able to avoid the kinky stuff for a while with some effort, but eventually, inevitably, someone is going to show you a picture of furries having sex.
 
Too many kids in American society are not allowed to just be kids. It’s become incredibly hard since I was your age to avoid images of sex and violence. Papabear does not believe this is healthy for those who are not yet sexually mature. Young people should enjoy some innocent pleasures for a while before they get mixed up in that stuff.
 
After reading the above, you might think Papabear has changed his mind about sex from earlier letters. No, I haven’t. I believe sex is a great thing and that imaginative and playful sex is fun and fulfilling ... for adults, and, I must emphasize, consenting adults.
 
Hon, give yourself a few years to enjoy the innocence of childhood. It goes far too quickly. Don’t rush. And don’t fool yourself into believing that you can avoid sexual imagery in the furry fandom. Finally, be grateful that you have parents who care about and love you enough to be involved in your life.
 
Hugs,
Papabear
 
P.S. Give your parents a hug now and then and tell them you love them. :)

14 Comments
Iro
3/7/2016 02:07:41 pm

Very interesting...

I always had the feeling that sexual attraction (and thinking about sex) is normal for teenagers like myself...

Reply
papabear
3/7/2016 02:47:10 pm

Yes, it's normal to think about it as a teenager, but too young to indulge in it. And the writer is 13. That is still a baby, even if we live in a world where hormones in our drinking water cause young girls to have their periods far too early.

Reply
Iro
3/8/2016 10:50:58 am

Oh... Now I understand :)

You are saying that kids should enjoy being kids while they can and not rush towards adulthood, right :)?

Thanks for clarifying!

Troj
3/8/2016 11:10:35 am

I agree with your advice and observations here, Papa Bear, but I also wanted to say that the way Bloodlust described her parents' behavior bothered me.

It's one thing to want to keep your kids safe, and it's another to *seemingly* refuse to listen to them because you feel that what they have to say will be wrong or irrelevant anyway.

My concern is that these kinds of patterns and cycles of interaction are not just confined to the "furry issue" in Bloodlust's family.

My worry, then, is that as Bloodlust grows up, these sorts of interaction patterns will cause them to feel estranged from their family, such that they won't want to confide in their parents or ask them for help, even in really dicey or dangerous situations.

Ideally, I'd say this type of family needs an impartial third party to help mediate conversations and help the family communicate, like a therapist, counselor, or even, a close family friend who is willing and able to listen to and balance the needs of everyone in the family.

Of course, I could be wrong, since we only have Bloodlust's side of the story here.

It just occurs to me that a child's basic trust is a fragile and delicate thing, and even something as well-intentioned or simple as trashing their fursuit head or refusing to watch a Youtube video that talks about something they care about can speak a thousand unintentional words that can never fully be erased, and might even have the potential to damage the parent-child relationship.

At the most basic level, if your kid feels they can't show you their fursuit head or favorite Youtube video without being lectured, condemned, mocked, or judged, then chances are good they won't feel comfortable coming to you with questions or concerns related to sex, drugs, violence, bullying, peer pressure, or a whole host of other issues.

So, just my thoughts.

Reply
Iro
3/8/2016 11:26:35 am

I agree with you Troj. The last part is very true!

I feel glad that I have parents always willing to listen and talk with me. Lucky me :)

Reply
Papabear
3/8/2016 06:25:23 pm

Hmm, I took the phrase "trash it" as meaning they criticized it, not that they actually threw it into the trash. Language can be tricky. My instincts were saying to me, though, that the writer was going overboard. I have problems with a 13 year old dating a 19 year old, and I have suspicions that the two of them were doing some things that were too adult for a 13 year old to do. Sometimes this bear reads between the lines and my instincts were sending off red flares that this little one was doing things too mature for her to do and this made her parents nervous.

Reply
Iro
3/8/2016 11:51:54 pm

One should question why a 19 year old is dating a 13 year old for. No offense to Bloodlust... Had boyfriend sounds like a paedophile or something. (It's creeping me out to thing about it :( ).

Ah, kids these days, hm, that reminded me of the good ol' days when both lgbt and straight sex wasn't so engraved into the minds of society. Today, sex is everywhere... (don't even get me started about how impossible it is avoiding sex on the internet)

Troj
3/12/2016 02:56:30 pm

You're right, Papa Bear--I realized that after I sent my reply.

It's totally fair for the parents to be concerned if their 13-year-old is dating a 19-year-old. Even if the 13-year-old is mature for their age, it still raises red flags or question marks about the 19-year-old.

I zeroed in on a few aspects of the letter, and overlooked that critical piece.

Silvia
3/11/2016 05:37:52 am

While some people are married with a large age gap (I have a married couple in which the wife is 10 years younger than the husband) I agree with Papa's answer to this

I am new to this website but from the sounds of it Papa you are a great bear
*hugs*
thank you for your choice to help all of us lost and scared furries Papa

Reply
Papabear
3/11/2016 06:35:29 pm

Yes, there are many marriages with age gaps. My late hubby was 9 years my senior. However, there is a HUGE difference between mates who are 50 and 59 and mates who are 13 and 19. That difference is sexual (and emotional) maturity. You do a lot of growing up in your teens. Let's put it another way: how about a 13 year old wanting to date a 7 year old? Yuck, right? People should recognize the difference between the years as a youth and those as an adult or elder.

Reply
Troj
3/12/2016 03:02:06 pm

To say nothing about statutory rape laws.

So, we're not *just* talking about subjective "ick" reactions or emotional maturity here; we're also talking about legal concerns.

papabear
3/13/2016 05:16:45 pm

yes, of course, Troj, that example was just illustrative, not literal :)

Reply
Diamond Man
3/28/2016 01:20:57 am

To Papa,
Interesting, but isn't the article response a bit stereotyping? And are you saying that a teenager cannot ever be part of the fandom even though it's possible you CAN without having to engage into sexual stuff?
You also mentioned clean furry sites at least once from my memory.
Even though you kinda already covered this, there is also tamed down material FA allows, which isn't necessarily, legally porn, etc.

There is also the type of natural development along with friends as growing up. I do agree he's too young, though it would be kinda weird to never let a person not even developed in a moderate way at all times until 18. Not suggesting to break any laws, and/or even general rules, I mean something else.
It happens with many, many people before 18 and I think (I could be wrong) they grow up healthy.
Note: This is about anything in general about sex and sexuality.

I also like to mentioned that just out-right judging a teenager for possibly maturing before 18 sounds more like abuse than learning to understand the person too. 13 is a bit too young for just out-right sex stuff, but if a teenager (say, 16) were to look up specific things as a natural form of development, I do not think judging is a healthy thing. I hope you are getting what I'm trying to say. XD
I suggest reading more about sexual development on Wikipedia.
Oh yeah, I was about 17 when I saw certain pictures on FA, but it didn't damage me and if I was judge for it, I would take offense and stand up back about it. Though most likely it's because it's 'furry' but if it was non-furry, they would be less concern.. maybe.


And I do find it odd to support the overly strict part of the parents by suggesting: He must avoid friends who has it (Out of fear), and that he can never be part of the fandom (even though it's possible with moderation)(Out of fear).
I probably understand your worries, though I wanted to suggest this and since this feels like a judgement against all of those who grew up with FA, right before turning 18. (Odd to compare a 17 year-old to a 8 year-old IMO too)

Reply
Papabear
3/28/2016 09:28:55 am

You're suggesting I read up on sexual development.... I assure you, I understand sexual development, thank you.

Reply



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