My parents are highly against me being a furry. They have searched furry and all they got was furporn. I did not witness the search, so I'm not quite sure what they searched, but they are highly against it. I have a head of my own that I made, and I have many furry friends that go to school with me. Although, they still disprove of the fandom, they conform to the stereotypes that we all are into kinky, fetish, bestiality, having sex in suit stuff. I tried showing them Majira Strawberry's video about it, explaining that that is less than 30% of the fandom, but they won't have it. Each time they find a rogue angel dragon drawing or head base, they trash it without a second thought. I recently went through a major problem that got me and my boyfriend in severe trouble, and now we are restricted from communicating. He's 19 and is a furry, and I think that they associate our childish mistake with wanting to engage in kinky activities. Although, that was not our intention, we were just being dumb. But, I'm not sure how to tell them that I don't. I'm scared because they only like me to conform to their views of right and wrong. I don't know what to do.
Bloodlust (age 13)
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Hmm, well, first of all, if your parents know your furry name this is doing you no big favors. Second, and you will probably not like me for this, 13 is too young to be having a 19-year-old boyfriend, and if I were your dad I would be pretty darn nervous about that little development. Third, I would ask that you try to see things from your parents’ point of view for a little while and understand that they are trying to protect their baby girl. They are not trying to hurt you or impose insensitive rules on you or control your life. They simply care about your well-being. And, yes, that means they would like to see you “conform” to what they feel is right. After all, the only thing people can hold onto is their own sense of morality.
Ask yourself this: are your parents good people? Are they kind, and caring, and loving? Do they care about your life and whether or not you do well and are happy? If so, count yourself fortunate, for there are many children in the world who are not as lucky as you are.
What I’m trying to do in this reply, in case you don’t see it, is have you look at this situation from your parents’ viewpoint so that you won’t just think they are trying to be controlling and restrictive just to be mean to you.
There are many ways to be furry without getting anywhere near the kinky pervy side of it. For example, I would hope that your parents would not object to your seeing a movie like Zootopia. When I was your age, my Zootopia was Disney’s The Jungle Book and Robin Hood. I loved these animated features and watched them multiple times.
Bloodlust, let me tell you something here. As much as Papabear loves the fandom and knows that the majority of it has nothing to do with sex, the simple fact is this: the Furry Fandom is a fandom for adults and you, at 13, are not an adult. You might think you are, but you’re not. You’ll get there soon enough, though.
Therefore, my suggestion to you is to find ways to indulge your love of anthros that have nothing to do with the furry fandom until you are 18 years old (if your furry friends are into kinky stuff, it would actually be a good idea not to hang out with that crowd—you are too young). That might sound like a long time, but it will fly by. In the meantime! There are many things you can do such as watch furry movies, read comic books (G rated, please), watch TV cartoons, go on a Disneyworld vacation, and even be creative and learn how to draw or write stories.
So, Papabear is not going to give you advice on “how to convince my parents to let me be involved in the furry fandom.” The truth is, that ain’t gonna happen. Your parents are in charge of you until you come of age (and, frankly, sometimes beyond that). That is their right as parents. They recognize that the furry fandom is a fandom for sexually adult people (even though many furries themselves do not seem to recognize this). That is the simple fact.
Let me put it another way. Imagine there were a movie theater in which ticket buyers do not go into separate rooms where there is just one screen. Instead, there is just one huge room with multiple screens and they are all showing movies. Say 70% of these movies are clean, family-friendly movies, but the other 30% are X-rated films that leave nothing to the imagination. Would you want to go in there? Do your parents have the right to tell you not to go in there? The furry fandom—especially the online fandom—has almost no filters protecting the young from pornography.
Many young people believe that they can separate the porn from the G-rated furry stuff. Truth is, you cannot. The fandom has made it all too clear that porn is going to be in your face if you go to furry sites. Oh, sure, you can go to FurAffinity and click the SFW (safe for work) button, and you might even be able to avoid the kinky stuff for a while with some effort, but eventually, inevitably, someone is going to show you a picture of furries having sex.
Too many kids in American society are not allowed to just be kids. It’s become incredibly hard since I was your age to avoid images of sex and violence. Papabear does not believe this is healthy for those who are not yet sexually mature. Young people should enjoy some innocent pleasures for a while before they get mixed up in that stuff.
After reading the above, you might think Papabear has changed his mind about sex from earlier letters. No, I haven’t. I believe sex is a great thing and that imaginative and playful sex is fun and fulfilling ... for adults, and, I must emphasize, consenting adults.
Hon, give yourself a few years to enjoy the innocence of childhood. It goes far too quickly. Don’t rush. And don’t fool yourself into believing that you can avoid sexual imagery in the furry fandom. Finally, be grateful that you have parents who care about and love you enough to be involved in your life.
P.S. Give your parents a hug now and then and tell them you love them. :)
3/7/2016 02:07:41 pm
3/7/2016 02:47:10 pm
Yes, it's normal to think about it as a teenager, but too young to indulge in it. And the writer is 13. That is still a baby, even if we live in a world where hormones in our drinking water cause young girls to have their periods far too early.
3/8/2016 10:50:58 am
Oh... Now I understand :)
3/8/2016 11:10:35 am
I agree with your advice and observations here, Papa Bear, but I also wanted to say that the way Bloodlust described her parents' behavior bothered me.
3/8/2016 11:26:35 am
I agree with you Troj. The last part is very true!
3/8/2016 06:25:23 pm
Hmm, I took the phrase "trash it" as meaning they criticized it, not that they actually threw it into the trash. Language can be tricky. My instincts were saying to me, though, that the writer was going overboard. I have problems with a 13 year old dating a 19 year old, and I have suspicions that the two of them were doing some things that were too adult for a 13 year old to do. Sometimes this bear reads between the lines and my instincts were sending off red flares that this little one was doing things too mature for her to do and this made her parents nervous.
3/8/2016 11:51:54 pm
One should question why a 19 year old is dating a 13 year old for. No offense to Bloodlust... Had boyfriend sounds like a paedophile or something. (It's creeping me out to thing about it :( ).
3/12/2016 02:56:30 pm
You're right, Papa Bear--I realized that after I sent my reply.
3/11/2016 05:37:52 am
While some people are married with a large age gap (I have a married couple in which the wife is 10 years younger than the husband) I agree with Papa's answer to this
3/11/2016 06:35:29 pm
Yes, there are many marriages with age gaps. My late hubby was 9 years my senior. However, there is a HUGE difference between mates who are 50 and 59 and mates who are 13 and 19. That difference is sexual (and emotional) maturity. You do a lot of growing up in your teens. Let's put it another way: how about a 13 year old wanting to date a 7 year old? Yuck, right? People should recognize the difference between the years as a youth and those as an adult or elder.
3/12/2016 03:02:06 pm
To say nothing about statutory rape laws.
3/13/2016 05:16:45 pm
yes, of course, Troj, that example was just illustrative, not literal :)
3/28/2016 01:20:57 am
3/28/2016 09:28:55 am
You're suggesting I read up on sexual development.... I assure you, I understand sexual development, thank you.
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