All Work and No Play . . .

Hello Papabear!

First off, this doesn't pertain to anything related to furry but I do hope that you can still provide some advice for me.

I am a 20 year old college student (soon to be 21) and I find myself suck in a situation that is in between my work life and my relationship life. I'm working very hard to achieve academic success as a full time student as well as working a part-time job at the same time. I'll be leaving my job soon but I'm also close to completing my Associates Degree, and once I finish that in another year or I'll try to transfer to a 4-year school. 

I haven't been in a relationship for about a year now, and I haven't had a care in the world about having one until these past couple of weeks. I don't do online dating and I'm also very picky about who I choose to date. I know I have been isolated a lot from friends and family because of all my work but as of lately it's been growing desire of mine to open up to a relationship. 

However I fear that because of all the things I do I wouldn't be able to devote myself to a committed relationship with someone. I feel that I don't have the time or energy. I also feel that the timing is bad because even if I did find a person I would probably have to leave them to go to the 4-year school. 

My question is, should I try to open myself up to a relationship or should I just wait until I reach the 4-year school despite how I feel about wanting a companion? 

Thank you! 

Max Horizon

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Dear Max,

Your letter is a good complement to one I wrote just a couple days ago (http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2013/05/is-it-okay-to-be-single-and-happy-about-it.html). In that letter, the person wasn’t looking for love and was just content to be single for the time being. In your case, you seem to have some desire for a relationship but worry that you don’t have time for one.

Have you ever heard the expression, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy”? If all you do is work, study, eat, sleep, and poop, you’re going to head for a stressful breakdown or just become totally exhausted and numb. The difference between you and the other letter writer is your desire for a mate. Both of you live active lives, and I advised him not to worry about finding a mate since he was perfectly content to be where he was in his life at this time. But, if YOU have a desire for a relationship, then just because you have a busy life you shouldn’t close the door on what could be something amazing.

You don’t have to go out on the hunt for someone to date, but don’t turn away someone who shows an interest just because you are busy. Like I implied above, everyone needs a break from work and school once in a while. You will actually be more effective in both if you have taken some time to relax and have a little fun. What better way to have a good time than to spend it with a new love interest?

Therefore, keep yourself open to a relationship. Keep working and studying hard, but if you happen to meet someone who has that special spark and the chemistry is right, don’t say, “Sorry, I have no time for love right now, I need to study.” And, if it works out, it doesn’t mean you have to constantly entertain your new mate. There is something lovely about just being in the same room together, even if you are in bed and you are reading a school book. It’s being together that matters.

Good Luck!

Papabear