After Confessing Secret to Friend, Said Friend Uses It Against Him

Dear Papabear,

Let me first off say this is my second time writing this letter because my browser crashed and I had to start all over so here I go...

I have two friends that are apart of this "little" story, lets just call them "Jadon" and "Colin." I have known Jadon for about 2-3 years and the same goes for Colin. Note that Jadon is my closest friend 2nd to Colin and I trusted him for many things. I trusted Jadon with one of my closest secrets (because I was so tired of being "stuck in the closet"). Last summer me and Jadon were on steam chatting and I figured since we were close I told him something that bothered me for a long time that I never told ANYONE else. I told him that I "liked" horses and was into bestiality at that time and only WATCHED VIDEOS of it, (I stayed away from bigger animals and never really did anything with them) I then start telling him that it was like a drug for me and I didn't ask to be this way. Surprisingly, he tells me that you can't just bottle it up inside and all I am thinking is "wow, this guy is actually giving me a chance!" Cool right? No, bad decision because next thing I know he starts sending me all this pony crap (that I do not like) I guess because he was messing with me. He was making false assumptions, a lot of them.

After coming home from my high school me and him decide to skype and then I start bleaching like a goat and he did the same back (for some odd reason) and this keeps going for a while. One day I went so far as of to ask him to baa like a sheep; he just kept asking why so I hanged up (feeling as if I made the situation odd enough). I solemnly regret taking such a long shot. Everything is alright so far, right?

*fast forward to the middle of the school year*

I am at high school and it's time for lunch so I start waiting in line like any other "normal" guy and then suddenly my heart drops and shatters into a million pieces. Three guys are baa-ing like sheeps and laughing at me, people (around 20) were just staring at me (only me) weirdly, I felt like crying. I just wanted to try and be another guy in the crowd. Them out of nowhere all this anger and hatred surges within the bare fabrics of my soul. It was not because of the people that laughed at me or the fact that those stupid juniors were obviously making fun of me, It was because I just realized I got fucking stabbed in the back. (I am a freshman)

I then preceded to go home and blow off steam by breaking fences with my legs (of course where no one could see me) and it felt pretty damn good. I then confronted Jadon and asked him if he told anything about what I told him (the only guy I told) to which he said vaguely, "noooooooooooo". I chose to end the call and thought "fuck it". Then the guy (Jadon) starts conversations talking shit about furries and saying how they should "kill themselves" and how they are "gross" while I also skype with said Colin. I assumes he knows I have a secret affection for the furry community, it's just that Colin doesn't know (hopefully) and goes along with Jadon's crap so I don't really say anything...

I can't call Jadon on it because I have no physical evidence of him saying anything about what I told him. If he did "let the cat out of the bag" then that ass caused me a lot of pain and humiliation. We all still talk to each other as if this didn't even happen but it still bothers me because I have been bottling up these feelings.

He is a red-headed ginger who has a lot of time on his hands (maybe even more then me) and can easily be taken down, excluding the fact that he has a gorilla for a brother who is ALOT stronger then me. I don't want to be anyone's clown.

Should I just cut the cord with this guy?

With love,

Derik (age 16)

* * *

Dear Derik,

If Jadon was the only person you told your secret too, one must conclude, logically, that Jadon told the other people at school. This is backed up by the bleating he and the others were doing. Clearly, by sending you pony stuff etc., he was mocking you. You might ask, then, why would a friend do this? Probably because you made him uncomfortable by revealing your horse fantasy. One way that immature people cope with discomfort is by mocking the source of that discomfort.

Before you ditch Jadon, if I were you I would talk to him and explain to him how much he hurt your feelings. Don’t dance around the issue by asking him if he told others. You know he told others, so don’t let him get away with denying it. Tell him that you realize you made him very uncomfortable and you’re sorry about that, and ask him if he feels he can get over this. If he can’t, your friendship really is not going to survive. But, if he can be more mature about it and not make it a subject of gossip and mockery, then you can possibly still be friends. He has to realize, though, that he violated a very deep trust and that this is going to take some work to heal so that you can forgive him.

This is kind of a dicey situation because I don’t think Jadon is emotionally mature enough to want to commit to working on a friendship. He’s likely still in the phase where he craves his peers’ approval and is worried about how others perceive him (a phase a lot of people never grow out of). You see, his telling others was a way for him to distance himself from you and your secret so that others would not associate him with that secret and think he was into horses (or whatever), too. In other words, he showed that he cared more about what others thought than your friendship. That is a big sign of a lack of character on his part.

I don’t actually hold out much hope for Jadon, especially after he trashed furries. Does Jadon know Colin well? Do you think Colin can take this news? That’s the next thing you need to find out.

In the end, if Jadon is unrepentant about his actions (or denies the obvious and won’t own up to what he has done to you), if I were you I would not consider him a friend anymore. Have enough self-respect to stand up for yourself and not be insulted and betrayed by someone and allow it to slide. Clinging to the friendship of a hater will just wither your spirit, and no one needs that.

Consider this a lesson learned in how to determine who is your real friend and who is not. It’s a hard lesson, but an important one.

Hugs,

Papabear