After Coming Out to His Straight Friend, Communication Has Collapsed

Papabear,

I am gay... and have been in love with my straight best friend since almost 4 years now... last year I came out to him... and shortly after confessed my feelings for him ... he took it quite positively.. but after that he started avoiding me ... and behaving differently ... when I asked if it was better I stayed away from him ... he wouldn't let me ... and it hurt a lot when he wouldn't reply or would cut me off... so I finally decided to stop talking to him ... secretly hoping he would miss me... and that he would go back to normal... but that didn't happen.... he did not text nor call for almost more than three months... and yesterday he send me a text saying "hi! how's life...?" I finally started to get used to him not being there ... and now this ... so I haven't replied...what should I do...? Please help.

Damon (age 16, India)

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Hi, Damon,

Your boyfriend might be okay with your being gay on general principles, but he might be fearful that you want him for more than a friend.  You say yourself you’re in love with him, and I’m sure he figured that out, too. The question is: can you just be friends with him? Or would it drive you crazy to be in a close friendship knowing that you can never have him on more intimate terms? If you had a boyfriend, it might put him at ease that you are not going to make any moves on him, but since you’re single at the moment, that strategy won’t work.

Now that you got his text asking you how you are, it might be an indication he is ready to talk again after his initial surprise. If I were you, I would follow up with a reply and ask if he would meet you for coffee or tea, or at some other public place, and talk. If he does, reassure him in as many ways possible that you are only interested in resuming your friendship with him and that you aren’t going to do anything to make him uncomfortable (I’m not sure what is going on in his mind, but I do know that a lot of straight guys out there think that gay men are all out to “convert” them; maybe that’s only fair, since straight religious people are always trying to convert gay men).

If there is a chance you can resume your friendship, you should try to do so. But do try and set aside any romantic notions you might have about your relationship.

Good luck!

Papabear