Dear Papa Bear,
I'm going to a furry con next year and for fun I thought I'd share a room. I found someone in a Facebook group I'm part of and we quickly made plans. However, in my excitement that I finally found someone didn't really look into the guy until after the initial arrangements. Turns out based on his Facebook likes he is a diaper fur. Now normally I am a very open minded individual and not much bothers me when it comes to people's kinks but diapers by their very nature disgust me and I don't if I could stand to be in the same room as the guy. Just knowing someone puts what I consider to be one of the most disgusting objects in the world on their body makes my skin crawl.
How do I explain to this guy that I just made this arrangement with that his fetish makes me physically ill and I'm going to have to back out on our deal?
Is there still a way I can make this work? I feel like such a tolerant ass and I know he going to hate me.
Typhon (age 32)
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This is a lesson in checking people out before you agree to room with them, isn’t it? But now that you have told this furry that he can room with you, it would be quite dishonorable of you to tell him that you changed your mind: be a man of your word. It’s your fault you didn’t check out his background more thoroughly and not his, and you might ruin his plans to go to the furcon if you back out now. Not cool.
Now that you have made this deal, it doesn’t mean you have to have an uncomfortable time of it. As I understand it, most diaper furs wear these garments under their clothes anyway, so you’re not going to see anything. Just to make things clear, though, you should lay some ground rules about sharing the room (many of which should be agreed upon with roomies at furcons as a matter of course, anyway).
For example, you can tell the guy you are a bit shy and to please change clothes in the bathroom and you will do the same. Tell him you have learned he’s a diaper fur, and that while you are not going to forbid him from being himself, you would like him to please be discreet about it because it is not something you are into. To reciprocate, ask him if there are any things that bothers him and agree that you will not do those, either.
In addition, request some standards be put in place: promise him you will not be messy and ask him to do the same (this should cover things like leaving diapers around; ask him to please dispose of stuff or keep it packed away). If food is eaten in the room, clean up after meals. Don’t leave wet towels everywhere, etc. Depending on what your idea of fun at a con is, you might also request “please do not bring hook ups to the room—I don’t want to walk in and see you having sex.” Or some such thing. Now, if you plan on doing stuff like that yourself, you can do a simple signage system, if you know what I mean (you’re 32, so you probably do), so that if someone is using the room for naked fun, the other promises to stay out (within reasonable hours, of course).
In short: don’t be a jerk. Don’t go back on your promise (as long as he honors his to pay for his half of the room), and don’t say things like “your desire to wear diapers makes me physically ill.” Be respectful, but ask for his respect and consideration in return. Since you’re both paying for the room (I assume), he also has the right to ask for some space and consideration, too.
Who knows? Maybe you’ll actually like this guy and become friends. If not, consider it a lesson learned and be more careful next time you arrange for a roommate.
Have fun at the con!
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