So, I'm going to use fake names ... just to try and keep this under wraps, just in case. About 17 months ago, I went into a relationship with two other furs: James and Kevin, which lasted for three months, but those three months did leave a strong imprint on myself.... After the three months, James had a dream about me. I think it was me chasing him with a knife. He told everyone about it, but left out the fact it was a dream. That pretty much got me kicked out and sent home.
Ever since then me and Kevin have been talking. For the first few months, him and James still dated until around mid July (everything happened very end of April, first day of May). While my relationship with James started to become a clockwork of us unblocking each other, getting close, then one of us freaking out, and re-blocking. Me and Kevin slowly would get more and more deep with our conversations, to the point we shared some things you wouldn't normally unless you trusted someone 500%. I even saved up $600 (after being out of work for almost a year) to go and see him. During that time I asked him if he loved me, and he told me there's a spark, but no. I didn't fully believe that and knew he had deeper feelings.
Sometime after I left, Kevin and James got back together. Now they both told me that it was over between them, but I think due to the fact James was away from Kevin for the first time, and the fact he was going to lose his job helped trigger the answer of yes; also they were in couples counseling, when they got back together. Now it’s been about five months since then. Me and Kevin are closer to each other than Kevin and James, who are dating and live together. Me and Kevin can’t go a day without at least talking a little bit. I know deep down he (Kevin) loves me to the point of something more than just dating. But he won't break up with James, even when he knows there is nothing between them. Kevin told me before he wonders if what he had was real. I know it is, and I know deep down I know he knows. How can I bring out that “I'm sure” feeling in him?
King Kitty (21)
* * *
I know you’ve been talking to “Kevin” a lot, but sometimes with think we know what’s inside another person’s head when we really don’t. You say that Kevin loves you and that you are closer to Kevin than James is. Have you heard the cliché “actions speak louder than words?” If Kevin loves you more than James, then he should be with you, but he’s with James, isn’t he? (Not sure what the purpose of all that stuff about James and his dream were about, unless you’re trying to show that James is a bad person and not worthy of Kevin’s attention. Not sure why you got kicked out—out of where? Living with them?)
Yes, Kevin and James are having troubles, it appears, but Kevin also cares enough to go into couples counseling, which shows that he is willing to put time and energy into the relationship, and you don’t do that with someone you don’t care about.
Stop fooling yourself, King Kitty. He told you he didn’t love you, so you need to accept that.
Sorry for the bad news.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.