Welp, it's that time of the month where I whine to you about my problems because I can't just man up and face life like actual human beings do. Only this time it's not my parents' fault. It's mine.
I let myself fall behind in class. I have C's/D's in most of my classes and I managed to land an F in computer programming. I keep getting super distracted by things like my friends or my electronics (i.e. phone, 2DS, etc.) and I keep forgetting what tasks I'm supposed to do. I keep promising I'll try harder, but I always keep fucking slipping back. I don't understand why I keep f***ing myself over so badly. My parents are disappointed in me for letting myself fall so low (they claim that disappointment isn't the same as anger but it might as well be since they elicit the same emotions from me.) My teachers think my parents are too soft on me. I want to go into a dark corner where people won't find me and just cry everything out but I can't, and winter break is coming up and I only have so much so time to complete the final exam reports for English and computer programming, and I'm so f***ed. Dad's right. I let myself fail the most important schooling year of my life. And even then I don't know what I'll do if by some miracle I graduate this year.
I just..... I should have myself committed to a mental hospital. Maybe there I'd get the help Iactually need. but even then I'd be torn from my friends and family and the outside world and it'd just.... It'd break me. I can't stand even the thought of losing anyone I care about. Why am I such a f***ing chicken? My dad would've taken charge. My dad would've been on top of things all year. I let them down. I let everyone down. I let my grandma down (bless her soul). I let the people online I consider family down. I f***ing let myself down most of all....
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Having trouble focusing is a common problem for people with autism [note: I know this from previous letters from Ferris]. So is getting overly upset about things that happen all the time, such as struggling in school. Yes, you got some low grades, but that doesn't mean you're a loser. A loser is someone who quits trying and just wallows in self-pity. So, what you do is keep trying! And don't worry about being a disappointment to others. You can't please everyone. Focus on yourself and going forward with your life.
I know I am replying too late for your exams, but it was probably too late to change your habits drastically in time for these tests. Let's work on them now and prepare for the future. Essentially, you need discipline. Here is an article from the helpful WikiHow that gives useful tips on how to create a work schedule and stick with it.
You need to set aside blocks of time that are devoted to different classes. Then, you need to study during those times without distractions. Put your phone, tablet, laptop, etc. away. Sometimes it helps to have some soothing background music as you study, but nothing with lots of lyrics that would distract too much. Develop a habit in which you do the same things during specific times, such as "From 1 to 2 pm on weekdays I will study or do homework for my computer class." No matter what, stick to that schedule. Also, as the article notes, allow yourself some free time. Say, "From Noon until 3pm on Saturdays, I will chat with friends online and play games. That's my relaxation time."
This is admittedly a challenge for people with autism. Autistic people need more frequent breaks and rest time. WikiHow, again, has some special tips for people like this. But even if you do have autism, you can tailor a plan for you and your needs.
If you wish, I can help you try to develop a schedule for your future classes. Oh, and too, don't be afraid to ask for tutoring help if you have a difficult subject. There is never any shame in asking for help.
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