A Little Advice on Making New Friends

Dear Papabear,

I have been in the fandom for almost a year now. The problem is, I have not made any friends.

I have an account on twitter where I post artwork that I make (that is my main interest in the fandom). People comment on my art, and I comment back. I also follow accounts that post artwork, commenting on their work. Sometimes they reply back. There are some people I am mutuals with, and we are both interested in each others art, commenting on each new piece that we make. That has been the extent of my interactions in the fandom.

Some things to know about me is that I am autistic. In real life I only have around 5 friends, a small group that I play DnD with. I don't know how exactly I managed to become friends with them, but I think it had to do with having common interests and being around each other a lot. I really like them, but none of them are furries, which is why I am looking for more friends.

So my question is, how do I make furry friends?

A Confused Bird (Colorado)

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Dear Confused,

You make furry friends the same way you make mundane friends. As with your DnD buddies, the best way to make friends is to share common interests. It is also easier to make friends if you do so in person. You can make friends online, but they tend not to be as deep a friendship as you can make when you know someone in person. My first suggestion, therefore, is to try and start meeting furries in Colorado. Fortunately for you, there is quite a vital furry community in your home state. The main organization is called, unsurprisingly, the Colorado Furries, which has about 2,000 members. They don't seem to have a website, but they do have a Meetup page that you can check out, as well as a Facebook page. Finally, of course, there is DenFur in August, which, if possible, I would recommend you attend. I have heard good things about it, and going to cons is a great way to make friends, provided you are not so shy that you can't introduce yourself to people.

Before you go out making furiends, you might need to brush up on your friend-making skills. First, define what a friend is for yourself. A friend is someone who treats you nicely and with respect, shares some common interests of yours, and, if you are having a tough time with something, is willing to be there for you, give you a hug, and listen. The other half of friendship is you should do the same for your friend. Next, and this might sound silly, write out a practice script of what you might say to someone you are meeting for the first time and practice in front of a mirror. Personally, I find a terrific way to break the ice at, say, a furcon or furmeet, is to give someone a compliment. For example, you might notice they are wearing some cool jewelry. Go up to them and tell them you think it looks terrific, then ask if they made it themselves or, if they bought it, where they got it. This can break the ice and lead to further dialog. Remember to take an interest in the other person and not just talk about yourself unless they ask you. Find out if you share some interests (e.g. you both like anime or Star Trek: Discovery) and talk about that.

So, in summary, to make new friends find people who share your interests (furries, natch), make contact with them in person if possible, show an interest in them and be kind to them.

I hope this helps!

Hugs,
Papabear