A Good Relationship between Mother and Daughter Is Being Tested by Her Furry Side

Hello, 

So here's my question: My mom knows I am a furry, but she doesn't understand it and she doesn't have the right impression on it. I always see postings from other furrys my age saying how great and supporting their mom is, even helping them with a fursuit and taking them to cons. Well, that's not the case with my mom. Me and my mom are very close. So I would love it if she would support me and love me as a furry, seeing how being a furry is 45% of me. And she just doesn't understand. I try and try to explain it to her. I want her to get the picture and know the truths not the lies, but she just doesn't want to hear it! Every time I try to bring it up she says, “Not now,” or “Why are you still going on about this?” And she doesn't understand I'm trying to give her the truth but she's very VERY hard headed and thinks she's always right, but she's WRONG! One time when I tried to explain it she said, “Shut up, furrys are werid and that's it,” and then she'll go on about how it's bad and shiz. And I just want to scream in her face UH HELLO I’M AN ACTUAL FURRY HERE. DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD KNOW MORE ON FURRYS THAN YOU?!???! But nope, she knows everything.

Now when I first told her I was a furry she really didn't care, but my oldest brother is a HUGE HUGE furry hater, and when he overheard us talking about it he butted in and went on and on about how they’re perverts and are 40 year old men. So then my mom assumed that was it and would not let me tell her that 99% of the furry fandom is clean and harmless and even the 99% hates the 1% who are weird because they were the ones who caused us to have the bad wrap and why there's stereotypes and haters on us. But no she said shut up. And my brother even went on YouTube and looked for that 1 video of the furry fandom that was bad and he went and through pages upon pages of clean and G videos to find that one to prove his point.

So my mom has a bad first impression on furrys and I would like to teach her about the good and give her a new look at furrys, but she's so hard headed and she completely ignores the fact that I'm a furry. And it hurts because it’s like she's ingoring 45% percent of me and doesn't love and support 45% percent of me. And me and my mom are very close and have a very good relationship, so it hurts even more. 

So how can I get her to be able to listen and maybe get her to admit that maybe she was wrong? 

Waffles

P.S. Yes I am a clean fur. I am against yiff. I think it is very wrong and it just plain down disturbing. But I do like fursuits and would like one of my own but murrsuits (the fursuits used for yah know eww) I am complete against.

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Hi, Waffles :-3

Cute furry name, I like it :-D

Waffles, yours is an interesting letter when it comes to stories about furries trying to make their parents accept them. That’s because you noted that it really wasn’t a problem at first when you told your mom you were a furry. What changed is when your derpy brother stepped into the picture. Once he came on the scene and started telling your mom furries were all bad, she believed him and now is upset. When it came between you and your brother’s opinions on furries, she took your brother’s side because he’s older and she thinks he knows more about it.

Yes, I know, you are the one who is the furry, not your brother, so you should know more, but this is how a parent’s mind sometimes works. So, now you can talk to your mom until you are blue in the face and it won’t matter much because she has taken your brother’s side.

The problem, then, will not be solved by arguing with your mom. You are talking to the wrong person. The person who’s opinion you have to change is your brother’s. If you are able to accomplish that, and then get him to go to your mom with you and admit that furries are okay, you will have solved your problem.

So, how do you convince your brother? You and your mom have a good (mostly) relationship, but how about you and your brother? Often, there is sibling rivalry between brothers and sisters (it’s usually worse between brother and brother, sister and sister, but still happens brother v. sister). Papabear has an older sister by three years. For years, growing up, I was mom’s “baby” and would often get favored attention, which made my sister a bit jealous, I’m sure. We never had a very confrontational relationship (I was actually worse, hehe—I was kind of a brat to my sister at times, probably because I felt Mom would take my side), but sometimes there were clashes—thank goodness we grew up and are now much closer.

I bring this up because you talked about how you and your mom had this super relationship. Perhaps your brother was jealous of that fact. Then, you discovered you were a furry. At first, your mom was fine with it, but then your brother saw his chance to move you down a peg by telling your mom bad things about furries. So, now, the tables are turned. Big Bro is on top and you have been demoted by your 45% furriness.

You need to talk to your brother. Go to him and explain that you know this isn’t about your being a furry, this is about your brother hurting your feelings, causing you pain. Ask him flat out, “Do you really hate me that you want to hurt me like this?” You see, Waffles, right now he is winning because not only has he gotten himself between you and your mom but he doesn’t have to confront any guilt about it because the arguments have been between YOU and your MOM. If you bring HIM into the picture and show he is not a bystander here but actually hurting both you and your mom by damaging your relationship, he might wake up.

Your weapon here is guilt. Make your brother feel guilty for what he has done to you and your mom. If he has a soul at all and cares at all about his family, it should make a difference. Ask him more questions: “Do you think I am a pervert? I am not the one looking at perverted stuff on the Internet; that would be you, brother. Does it make you feel good to drive a wedge between me and Mom? Are you proud of yourself? How did you find out about naughty furry pictures anyway? Are you looking at a lot of porn on the Internet? I don’t understand why you are doing this to me. Your my brother, don’t you like me?” Keep going, but don’t shout. Do this in a calm voice, but confront him with what he has done. And don’t expect an answer right away. After you have talked to him, finish with, “I hope you think about what you have done to me. It wasn’t nice at all.” Then leave him alone for a while.

The next thing to happen all depends upon the character of your brother, whether he is a good person, down deep inside, or just a big derpy jerk. I’m hoping he is a good person, when push comes to shove.

Let me know how it goes, Waffles.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear