A Bit of Communication Is Needed in the Bedroom

Hi, Papabear,

Well, my mate and I have been mating and she seems to have problems reaching orgasm and other times I reach it fast. My question is what we can do to really enjoy sex?

Lovely Cow

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Dear Lovely Cow,

As with anything else in a relationship, problems in the bedroom are best solved with communication. Your letter is really short, and thus undetailed, so Papabear will have to respond in general. The assumption I will make in my response is that both of you are in good physical and mental health, ruling out bad health as a possibility of her problems reaching a climax.

Many people, especially at the beginning of a relationship in which sex has become a part, go to bed and start doing stuff to their partner that either they themselves enjoy or they think their partner will enjoy. When you do something with your partner that they don’t enjoy at that point, the partner can do one of a couple of things: 1) tell you right away something to the effect of, “Hey, I don’t really enjoy that,” 2) not say anything to the point that you think they actually DO like it, which can lead to misunderstandings down the road, or 3) not say anything but also make it pretty apparent they aren’t having a good time, leaving the first person thinking they are just a lousy lover.

What is happening to you might be because you actually are not pleasing your mate, but she is too embarrassed to tell you so or doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. You need to talk about this in an open and frank conversation and discuss what both of you enjoy and do not enjoy. In this way, you will hopefully come to a nice understanding and it will greatly improve your bedroom experience.

Hope this helps!

Papabear