Write to Papabear

Teen Feels Guilt and Shame for Being Aroused by Furporn

3/19/2018

Hello,

I was wondering if you can help me with something. You see, my first experience with the furry fandom was when I was 13 years old or so. But the thing is, I got exposed to the NSFW side of the fandom and became addicted to it for a few years now. I had the idea to join in the fandom and try to stay on the clean side. Unfortunately, it was not the case as still have the addiction. Sometimes I even have had thoughts on wanting revenge on those who make this kind of art material and how a lot of furries don't keep this kind of stuff private on facebook and twitter that makes it really easy for kids to view it. I only just want to be a good person a lay my demons to rest. Also, if I do actually want to be in this fandom, I might be afraid because of being viewed as immature or as some kind of degenerate and whatever terms and labels people have been throwing around, I know some people say furry is also just a label.

Thanks, Anon

* * *

Dear Furiend,

Thank you for your letter, which allows Papabear to address some interesting subjects. You sound as if you have a lot of guilt over being sexually stimulated by furporn. First of all, as a teenager it is completely natural that your libido would be on overdrive. Sex is pretty much on the brain of all young men (and women) because that's when you are the healthiest and most fertile. It's a Mother Nature thing. Most people become very stimulated by "normal" pornography on the Internet. In fact, porn sites are the most accessed of any type of website on the Web. (Interestingly, the Bible Belt states have the highest rate of porn access in the United States). Is furporn worse or more "degenerate" than any other type of pornography? No, no it is not. Do furries look at a lot of porn? Yes, many do--some more than others, of course. Is furry all about porn? Certainly not. Furporn is just one small aspect of a very interesting and diverse fandom; however, to deny that it is also a fascination for many furries would be tantamount to sticking one's head in the sand.

Why do some furries look at or create furporn? Are they secretly zoophiles? No. I have a number of theories on this matter about which I am writing more in-depth in my upcoming book. One theory is that fursonas create a mask over our sexual proclivities--a buffer, if you will, protecting us from our culture-promoted embarrassment and anxieties over being sexual animals. It is the same reason, for example, why I, as Grubbs Grizzly, felt much more comfortable performing on stage in fursuit than I ever would have as myself: you feel less vulnerable, more protected against criticism or guilt.

Another theory is that furporn allows us to be more free in expressing our animalistic sexual desires. In furporn, no one worries about protection, for example, and there is a sense of liberation in letting it, shall we say, all hang out. It also relieves anxiety over being homosexual ("It's not me doing this, it's my fursona") or having a fetish of some kind. The factor that furries do not exist in real-life places furporn high on the "this is just totally fantasy" list, making it feel safer because one knows that having sex with a dragon or anthro wolf is never going to happen in real life, so there, again, is the relief from anxiety and anticipation.

Seeking "revenge" on furporn artists will not help you, as you likely know. First of all, there's no way you will get rid of furporn, no matter what you do. It's here to stay. Secondly, furporn didn't create sexual desires in you; you already had those and porn just provides you with an outlet. Thirdly, don't feel guilty about it. Human sexuality is extremely diverse, and it can be imaginative and highly creative in a good way (the only bad kinds of sexuality involve anything in which sex is forced against someone's will--rape, sex with children, for example). When sex is consensual and done safely, it is actually a healthy practice that fosters social bonds and even love.

Finally, if looking at furporn made you a reject in the fandom, then yours truly would be a reject, too. I don't think I am, so you should be cool.

Re-examine why you have these feelings of guilt and shame. Is it because YOU think furry sexuality is bad, or is because you feel society thinks it is bad and will reject you?

Hugs,
Papabear

1 Comment

He Feels Unworthy, Even Fearful of Being in the Fandom

2/5/2018

0 Comments

Dear Papabear,

I want to thank you for all of the help you provided me with last time I wrote to you, which must have been 2-3 years ago now. I'm now in college studying a whole bunch of science and maths (complex numbers are awesome).

So anyway, my question. I've been involved in the fandom for many years and while my haunting memories of the past are now nothing but haunting memories, I don't really feel like I fit in in the fandom due to how bad I am at art and music and animation and pretty much everything the furry fandom is. I'd practice but I'm still very apprehensive about drawing; it's been a few years since I picked up a pencil and that wasted time is something I regret.

I'm moving to University in September but I'm pretty worried that such a thing might mean that I'd retreat back into the closet and not have the chance to do the things I wanna do. (I've heard nightmare stories of people getting beat up over it in a certain upper-class university)

I have the funds to go to conventions and stuff (I won the money in a science fair competition over here) but I just can't find the motivation to go as some small part of me still finds the fandom weird and strange. (I find that such a small part seems to contradict everything else at times).

So... How do I feel like a part of the fandom and contribute? Because now it feels like I could do so much more this year, before I move.

Glyn (age 18)

* * *

Dear Glyn,

Glad I was able to help you earlier and glad that you are attending university and finding success. I’ve heard your concern before from other furries who seem to have come under the impression that they are unworthy to be furries if they are not artists or writers or performers or whatnot. I’m befuddled as to how this notion has come about in the furry culture because it simply isn’t true (perhaps it is a desire to become a popufur?). You don’t have to create furry art or be a fursuit maker or whatever to be in the fandom. Just have fun with it! Not everyone is a talented artist (I certainly am not), but that doesn’t make you any less a furry.

As for getting beaten up at a university for being a furry…. I have not heard that story so would need to see an article or something. I find that people at universities tend to be more openminded and liberal about such things. I don’t think you really have much to fear.

Since you have the money (congrats on your award), I would encourage you to attend furcons. Go to the various panels, talk to people, and through this you will probably get some ideas as to how you can contribute. Just one idea that pops to mind is you could volunteer to help at a furcon. Cons are always seeking people to help out because it is such a HUGE task to run a con, and I’m sure they would welcome your contributions.

The more exposure you get to the fandom, the more comfortable you will become and the less “weird” it will feel to you as you make new friends and learn about fun things to do.

Good Luck!
Papabear

0 Comments

Some Thoughts on the Future of Furry

12/26/2017

2 Comments

Papabear,

Have you ever wondered about how the future of this fandom and community will go? Naturally, I probably get mixed and very complicated feelings about it, especially when looking at it from a retrospective, a la historically & even demographically. Certainly, other parts of the world expand, and that can go for the same for furries, right? Whether it's obviously online, or actual evolution in the real world, much of it has been propelled with its arts.

Now, I'm a rising professional Illustrator, and I also have a very close knack with my painting skills (there is however a difference between an expert and a master though), but this certainly does hold well with furries also loving video games since it is a big form of art. Computers, science, and art go hand-in-hand these days so I can only wonder what kinds of new ideas would come about directly for the community.

If fursuits have established being able to wear an aesthetic, functional character to portray as, alongside furry cons, what if there were established living complexes, or perhaps stores, parks, & restaurants exclusive to that? Granted, it has been loosely looking like that especially with furries living with and amongst each other, but imagine how more concrete their roles would be in combination to their creative living.

Anyway, there's nothing too concerning from my side, but it does foster a grand set of foods for thought. Not like I'm trying to help making a furry nation come true, as way-out-there as that sounds, but I do think about these things from a more analytical & chronological point of view. Heck, here's an intriguing question for you: What was the fandom like in the '70s, '80s, & '90s?

Yours Truly,
Octazure

* * *

Hi, Octazure,

Yours is a question that has been of increasing concern in the furry community these days. There are two main reasons for this: 1) the Old Guard--the furries who started the modern fandom in the 1980s--are getting old and being replaced by younger furries with no connection to or understanding of the fandom's roots; and 2) the community has grown from a few dozen to tens of thousands all across the globe, making any kind of cohesion problematic.

I've heard people propose an idea such as yours before—forming furry communities. That's no more viable, though, than having a Trekkie or Whovian community. People don't form communities based on interests (hippie communes of the 1960s might have inspired this idea, but they don't last); they form based on shared religions, ethnicities, nationalities. Furries are far too diverse a group to live together in a cooperative. Even if they did, not really sure what the point would be, so let's just table that idea.

Instead, let's address where furries are going as a more intriguing mental exercise. There are some interesting trends I see in development right now, including:

I believe the media is warming up to the fandom somewhat. While there is still some bad reporting out there, there are also some more reports in which the journalists just see conventions as harmless fun. Why? Because they have actually taken the trouble to attend a couple and observe that it is not an exercise in perversion.
The public is starting to accept the fandom more for its value to businesses. Larger furry conventions such as Anthrocon, Midwest Furfest, and now Biggest Little Furcon are bringing money into local communities.
Zootopia was such a huge hit that, again, mundanes are seeing money to be made from the fandom, and money means acceptance to mundanes.

So, the growth of the fandom means that it will be seen less and less as being an underground phenomenon and more as a mainstream one. That's both good and bad, really. Good in that it will become more accepted, but bad in that money tends to poison the free spirit of a fandom.

Growth poses another problem, however, one that raised its nasty head at a couple of conventions recently, including Rainfurest and Rocky Mountain Furcon: Because there are so many furries now, there is also an increase in the number of people who are furry for the wrong reason. Bad eggs. These are immature little twits who do things such as destroy hotel property because they do not behave well without parental supervision. This is an issue that is probably being discussed at Furry Convention Leadership Roundtable meetings. Let's hope they come up with some proposals and suggestions for furcon organizers to prevent problems caused by furries themselves. I'd still like to see some kind of formal, worldwide furry association form (I tried to do this a while ago, but simply didn't have the time it required to pull it off) that would help bring furries together.

Another area of influence is technology. If you think the Internet and social media are an influence now, just wait for the next 10-15 years. Virtual reality will begin projecting itself into reality, which is going to offer an alternative to fursuiting in the form of retinal projections. Think of it as an advance in Pokemon Go. Furries will wear transponders that can send information to other people wearing them as well. Each person programs an avatar into their transponder so that people looking at them and wearing a special headset will see the furry as they wish to be seen. That is, the avatar image is projected into the other person's eyes and overlays the first person's body. Voilá! Virtual fursuiting.

Will this make fursuits obsolete? Not at all. As with any other new technology, it will add another option for people. Fursuits themselves may improve with the development of new, cooler fibers, new building materials, cheaper and easier to assemble electronics and pneumatic controls. Meanwhile, virtual reality at home on the computer will improve, making online roleplay and gaming more realistic, especially with the future addition of adding tactile stimulation.

As such technologies develop, they might afford furries employment opportunities beyond gaming and the arts, though mostly in the field of technology.

In short, the furry fandom is experiencing growing pains, and with growing pains come both challenges and opportunities. How those are met will depend entirely on the members of the community.

Papabear

2 Comments

What Should You Do When You Observe Bad Behavior at a Furcon?

9/30/2017

2 Comments

Dear Papabear,

Firstly, I'd like to say thank you for taking the time to respond to my letter. It is fantastic to have some where to go to ask questions or even just talk about things related to the fandom.

Secondly, I've had some thoughts on my mind related to the type of image our fandom presents to the public. I would like to know if you might be able to provide some words of wisdom for myself and others to avoid potentially damaging publicity while in the presence of those who aren't associated with the fandom.

Specifically, I've noticed that often times we can be our own worst enemy and there doesn't seem to be much in the way of policing each other when some of our (usually well meaning) folks decide to be lewd or inappropriate. This usually tends to be at conventions where the hotel is being shared with people who have no idea what a furry even is. It can be as simple as a poorly timed
naughty joke (pun not intended) or sometimes as serious as inappropriate PDA.

Now with that in mind, I love that we have come as far as we have with replacing negative stereotypes through acts of kindness and good folks but I fear the damage that can be done by being complacent around this behavior could undo all of that. Ultimately, we are all ambassadors for this fandom and people are watching to see what we're about.

It really worries me how quickly someone’s curiosity can go to disgust just because of a joke. We are certainly familiar with our own brand of comedy among other things but to someone experiencing it for the first time it may be disturbing.

On a couple of occasions I've tried to politely address the issue with some furs but, unfortunately, they didn't seem to be worried about it.

I've thought about going to the convention staff but there is not really anything they can do about it unless they catch someone in the act. Most of the time it’s just a few people out of the hundreds or thousands that are attending.

So, Papa Bear, do you have any advice for handling these situations? In addition to that would it be best for me to just let it go?

0w0

* * *
Dear 0w0:

When it comes to conventions, each organization that runs a furcon has security people staffing the place. They also have codes of behavior, such as are listed on this page on the Anthrocon website. Con attendees are expected to adhere to these guidelines, and, if they cause considerable trouble, they will be evicted from the event. Usually, such great lengths are reserved for heinous behaviors, such as hard drug use, damaging hotel property, assault and battery, etc. etc.

Minor things such as displays of public affection (PDAs) or an off-color joke are not serious enough for such action (unless the PDA involves nudity or something like dry-humping someone, I would assume). Conventions can be problematic because you can get attendees who are young, undisciplined, and, when away from parental supervision, act like felines high on catnip. Naturally, if they are acting like derps and someone who has no authority (such as you) tells them to knock it off, they are going to cop an attitude about it and either ignore you or tell you to take a hike (probably using more colorful words than that).

Usually, minor, slightly offensive behavior is not a problem because you are surrounded by other furries, but yes, many times there can be other guests at a hotel that is hosting a furcon. In my experience, such guests usually look at you with a befuddled stare and think you're nuts, while others smile and think it is amusing, no harm done. As long as you are leaving the other guests alone, it should not be a problem.

So, I'm guessing what you might be talking about is some naughty verbal interactions between furries that are observed by mundane guests and how this might make all furries look bad. But if you see such behavior and admonish the culprits, by then it is too late; the mundane guests have viewed or heard the bad behavior and their impressions have been influenced accordingly.

Papabear's view is this: if you see a violation of furcon policy you should report it to security or to the people staffing Operations. Anything else, don't worry about it. You cannot control the behavior of all the immature derps out there; just not gonna work out and is more likely to give you acid indigestion than actually improve the situation. Let it be and focus on having a good time and behaving like a good furry. Give the mundane guests an example of what it is to be a good furry.

We individual furries are not in charge of the reputation of the furry fandom, just our own behavior within it. Control what you can control and let the rest go. Yes, we are all "ambassadors" of the fandom, but that just goes as far as your own behavior. Trying to control everyone else's will just drive you crazy.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear

2 Comments

After Leaving Fandom, She's Come Back but Is a Little Worried

9/16/2017

0 Comments

Hello, Papa Bear!

I am a new follower of your website and of course I had to follow because you seem so lovely and kind while being a bear I could just for sure hug on! But anyway, I have a concern.

A few months ago I decided to quit the fandom because I was both spending too much money on art for my old character and I just felt like I was too attached to it. My parents were very proud and so was my mate.

I lasted for a while, too. Only checking in to talk to the person who is buying my sona and the art. However, I felt kinda lonely without it. Most of my friends stayed, but I felt like it was hard to relate to them anymore. And not to mention I missed playing as a sweet cute little character who just wants to bring sunshine and happiness to the world.

So now I have a new sona. I've gotten art of her but not on the addiction level like I once was. I'm worried about my folks finding out and being disappointed, but my mate understands and is back in with me too. I'm quite happy again because lots of people wish to talk to me so I'm not as lonely as before.

But did I do the right thing? Am I just going to fall back into my problems again even though I'm aware and in a better place now? Should I have stayed away? Or was it the right idea to begin again with a more original looking fursona and have a fresh start since I'm happy?

Thank you for your time,
Cyandi

* * *

Dear Cyandi,

Thank you for reading my column, dear. I’m happy to help.

Okay, so, sounds like you might have gotten a little carried away at first with the fandom. I guess we all do when we discover that there are others out there who like the same things we do. I went quite gah-gay over the fandom in my early days, including spending entire nights on SecondLife hanging with furries.

After a while, I calmed down a bit. I still love the fandom and am still a furry, but it doesn’t consume my life.

You’re doing the same thing. You got a bit too spendy, realized it, and backed off. Good for you! I know furries who can’t pay their bills because they spend all their cash on art and going to cons. You got smart and stopped yourself from doing that. Bravo.

But being in the fandom clearly makes you happy. So, why stop? I think you have your spending control, so there is no reason why you cannot enjoy your new sona and the camaraderie of your furiends.

I think you did the right thing, and I think you’re grown up enough to correct past mistakes and continue in the community.

Be Happy.

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

He Wants to Legally Change His Name to His Furry Name

8/22/2017

6 Comments

Hello, Papabear,

Been a long time since I last wrote and I wonder if you will remember me. But that's beside the point.

I'm righting today because I want your opinion on something. I'm 26 and currently living my parents. But I'm thinking ahead a bit to when I live on my own. Thanks to my past I've grown to dislike my birth name. Specifically, I was bullied up through high school which led to the dislike of my first name. And my relationship with my father is iffy at best, a verbal war at worst, which has led to the dislike of my last name.

When I first joined the fandom in 2009-2010, it really helped cheer me up from the hardships of my past. A lot of my good friends (all furries, but still) refer to me by my fur name rather than my birth name.

My question for you is, when I move out, is it odd for me to want to legally change my name to my fur name? I feel that doing so will make it easier to forget how bad my past has been.

I appreciate your response.

Kumori Urufu

* * *

Dear Kumori,

There’s an old saying: “You can’t run away from your past.” Changing your name will not help you to forget the past. However, I understand what you are saying. There are many reasons to change one’s name: getting married, getting divorced, getting adopted, having a sex-change operation, and so on. Trying to start your life anew is also a legitimate reason.

I do know of a couple people who are friends of mine who have had their last name changed because they had unpleasant memories of—in particular—their fathers. So, to answer your big-picture question: no, it is not “odd” to change one’s name for personal reasons.

The next issue is what to change your name to. Your current name (which I will not reprint here) sounds like that of a male of Italian-American background. Your furry name, Kumori Urufu, if I have this right, means “Shadow Hippo” in Japanese. Well, whatever it means exactly is not so much the point as the fact that it is Japanese, and I suspect you do not look Japanese. You should prepare yourself as to how this would affect you socially and in the workplace. People will constantly be asking you why you have a Japanese name when you are obviously not Japanese. (And in the furry community might get you accused of being a weeb, although being fascinated by Japanese culture is common in the fandom.)

If you are okay with that, then fine. But if you are dead-set on changing your name, I would recommend you think long and hard about what you are changing your name to before you do so.

The actual process of changing one’s name legally is not too difficult, especially if you hire a service to help you out, such as NameChangeInc.com, which offers this service to adults for only $65. It is important to change your name legally so that your identity can be tracked for things such as social security, taxes, employment, etc. The good news is that if you, say, years later, decide you have made a horrible mistake, you can change your name back again.

Hope this answers your question.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear

6 Comments

Furry Complains about Same Ol' Furcon Guest Speakers

6/6/2017

0 Comments

Papabear,

Why do conventions keep choosing the dame furs to be Guests of Honor just about every single weekend and/or year?

I've been in the fandom for quite some time now and love every minute of it. But there's one thing that concerns and that is the choosing of Guest of Honor.
It says on Wikifur that a special guest is someone who puts in a lot of hard work for many many years and who is very talented.

I've noticed that many cons follow or go by that rule anymore. Just look at the past Guests and you will see some really cool names. But now it seems the same names keep on popping up. Go to a convention website and you will see that they keep the same one's over and over again.

It got me thinking why do they keep doing this? How is it fair to the rest of us who have worked really hard for many years but have received no recognition, appreciation, and awards?

Some con staff has gone far as pick someone from over-seas, mostly Europe. Now that costs a lot of money. Thousands actually. So you're telling me there are people out there who are going to fund a stranger's trip to the con?

It seems like they only pick the people who are already rich and successful before they even got to the fandom. Why don't they choose people who are very talented and skilled but down on there luck?

Some people have barely been in the fandom for like a few months and already people are making them a special guest.

I know its all about the money and how much traffic they can bring to their con. It's just it would be nice to start seeing some real changes. Choosing those that have never ever picked before and starting giving them a chance. You never know 'cause they might just surprise you.

Has anyone else noticed this repeating trend? What are your thoughts?

Anonymous

* * *

Hi, Furiend,

Furry convention organizers select special guest speakers that they think will be of interest to attendees. These tend to be people who are, for example, published authors, filmmakers, or well-known artists. They don't pick lesser-known people because they won't attract an audience.

Let's illustrate it this way: say there is a Star Trek convention coming up in Las Vegas. Who would you rather see present a talk? Patrick Stuart or Mary Smith, who has written some successful fan fiction on her blog? Even if Smith is really good at what she does, I think the answer is pretty obvious.

As to why you repeatedly see the same people, there are likely two reasons: 1) same reason you see cast members from Star Trek TNG appearing over and over at conventions, and 2) con leaders often develop relationships with certain speakers and invite them to come back.

Should furcon leaders try to mix it up a bit? Perhaps more effort could be put into that, yes. Often, it can be a struggle to find new speakers, however, who are both willing and able to attend. Also, don't forget, the furry fandom is a very specialized fandom. There are not a lot of people of any prominence who are working in this subgenre of fantasy and science fiction, so choices are limited. Even writers and such who make stuff we consider furry can refuse an invitation because they don't see themselves as furry artists.

If you really wish to influence how this works, perhaps you should get involved with a furry convention and try to get on the committee that selects guest speakers. That's one option :-3

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

Being a Furry Is Like Being a Nudist

1/31/2017

0 Comments

Hi,

So I just found out about furries and was hoping you could give me some advice on how to were a tail and ears with a school uniform because I go to a stupid private school and tips on how to start a furry blog to get more young furries involved in this because it is a great way to express yourself. And I wore my tail and ears to hang out with my friends and they just looked at me like they didn't know me and where very quiet to me and wouldn't walk to close to m. How can I get them to like me for who I am and not care about my tail and ears.

Fae (age 13)

* * *

Dear Fae,

It is a reality of life among mundanes (nonfurry humans) that they simply cannot relate to or understand people who are different. Except for a minority of enlightened people who are honestly not bothered by others who are of a different race, nationality, gender, sexuality, religion, or even income level, the vast majority of mundanes feel uncomfortable around others who are not very similar to themselves.

It is, therefore, naïve of anyone to expect such people to accept you for being you. They are victims of social pressures that make them conform to artificial “norms,” and reject anyone who doesn’t fit nicely into those norms. They are, frankly, to be pitied for leading such narrow-minded lives.

My advice? Do not wear your ears and tail around such people unless you want to be rejected by them. Do not wear them with a school uniform—or at school, period. This is why we have things like furmeets and furcons: they are places we can go and be comfortable being who we are around other furries.

Being a furry is like being a nudist: there's nothing wrong with the human body and being naked, but our society rejects that completely. Therefore, nudists only express themselves in places such as nudist camps and beaches. The same is true with furry. Mundanes feel uncomfortable around fur just as they are around naked flesh, it seems, so we end up being furry around others like ourselves.

Many Western cultures say that they are in favor of people expressing themselves and being themselves, but they are actually lying about that quite utterly and completely. That goes especially for furries.

Sorry to have to teach you this lesson, but you’re better off knowing now before you get severely hurt by a furry hater.

In the meantime, try to find furries in your area with whom you can hang out.

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

Joining the Fandom Will Not Solve Your Social Issues ... Nor Will Leaving It

12/18/2016

0 Comments

Papabear,

Today I went through a deep emotional distress, soo much soo I've been thinking about hanging up my basic mascot suit and just leaving the community for good, I don't feel welcome or settled in, I know I'm a furry but no-one seems to want to talk to me about my fursona and I'm feeling a bit left out, I'm hoping to go to confuzzled, another fur said I could go with him but we really haven't confirmed anything because neither of us has transportation and both live with our parents, I'm 26 he's 21.

I don't feel I'll ever have the warm fuzzy feeling that being a furry is, I have no confidence in myself as a fur and I'm just thinking about leaving and never coming back, I'm hoping this is all a huge mistake and it’s just stress, I don't take medication because I can't swallow tablets and liquid meds are just as bad. I was diagnosed with autism and I can't socialise with people but when as a furry I know I'll settle in.

I want to feel more accepted in the group, what do I do?

Xoda Fox (age 26, UK)

* * *

Dear Xoda,

It’s not easy feeling like one belongs to any group, including furries. It is doubly difficult when one suffers from autism, making it more challenging to deal with social situations.

I can understand, too, why you would think the furry fandom would be a safe haven for you where you could find acceptance. I thought so once myself. The truth is that the fandom is just like any other group of people, and it is just as difficult (or easy) to find friends and camaraderie within it as any other social group.

Being a furry doesn’t erase your problems with social anxiety any more than belonging to any other kind of group. Therefore, leaving the fandom will not solve your problem any more than joining the fandom did.

What, then, is the answer? The answer is that you have to look within yourself first. You have to deal with your autism. You have to deal with your sense of self-worth. You have to evaluate why you became a furry in the first place. If you are a furry because you love anthros, then no social problems should interfere with that; if you became a furry thinking it would solve your social isolation and to get attention, then that is the wrong reason to be a furry.

Although you say you cannot manage medication for your autism, there are other things you can do to help you relax and try to control your anxiety. That would be the first thing I’d recommend you learn to do. This page from the UK’s National Autistic Society can give you some leads on what to do. I highly recommend you seek out ways to manage your autism.

Do not expect the furry fandom to help you cope with your autism or social isolation. While many people are furries because they enjoy the social aspect of it, the fandom is not a treatment program for autism. Please recognize that.

Even though that is true, it is no reason to hang up your fursona and walk away. Go into the fandom without expectations of it, and you will be much more pleased. Do not expect or demand that people talk about your fursuit or your fursona. They are going to furmeets or furcons to have a good time, and that is all.

Instead, simply share with them the fun things about being a furry. Find some common interests (e.g. maybe you read the same comic books or TV shows) and then talk to them about those and not about yourself. When you share common interests and bond on those things rather than yourself, the focus is taken off you and moves to those other things. This will make you feel less self-conscious and, hopefully, more comfortable with others who like to talk about furry things.

Good Luck!
Papabear

0 Comments

FurryTeens.org Can Be Good Place for Younger Furries to Connect

12/8/2016

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Hiya,

I'm a new furry, I've only been in the fandom for around 10-11 months, and I'm struggling to make friends, I'm not sure if it's the age difference. I've met a few furries at a MCM Comicon, but the conversations were only then and there, rather than taking it further, which sucks. I'd love to be more involved with the fandom. I'm just struggling to find friends.

I have social anxiety, but I get along with other people quite well. I'm just shy in most situations, and sometimes it feels like I don’t really know the ways of the fandom, if that makes sense. I guess it's a case of "I don't feel like i fit in." I have Furry Amino [a furry app], and only recently I'm getting to grips with Furaffinty. I've never been to a furmeet but plan to go to a furmeet in London soon. Is there anything else you could suggest about trying to make friends in the fandom?

Hugs
Riiya (age 15)

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Dear Riiya,

A problem that furries like both you and I have is the age thing. As you may have noticed, the vast majority of furries are in their late teens, twenties, perhaps early thirties. You are outside that spectrum on the young side, while Papabear is outside the spectrum on the old side. This can make it difficult to socialize.

The obvious answer is to try and find people more your age. With me, I tend to hang out with greymuzzles (over 30 crowd). It’s actually more difficult for the under 18 group like you simply because things like transportation are more difficult. You’re too young to drive, which makes going to furmeets harder, unless you can do so by bus or train to a nearby one.

This kind of leaves you with online stuff. I would like to suggest you start with the online FurryTeens (http://www.furryteens.org/forum/). This should be a good starting place for you to meet furries your own age and connect to them.

As for being shy. Don’t worry, you are in good company. Many many many furries are also shy folk for a number of reasons, but they, like you, still want to connect. You are doing well by making an effort to reach out, and I bet if you keep trying eventually you will succeed. Just be patient.

Hugs,
Papabear

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