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Hello, PapaBear!
I hope this question isn't too out there, but I wanted to come by and ask a question about the fandom that has been in my mind for a while.... How would you expand, or well ... introduce the concept of anthropomorphism, and the general Furry Fandom to an entirely different place that isn't as common with those themes? Well, let's be a bit more specific.... I come from a Pakistani family (my dad's side specifically, Mom's side is Latino), and I was always curious in the future where if I go to Pakistan, or somewhere in the general South Asian region (whether it'd be Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri Lanka, or India), would it be a good idea to introduce the concepts I mentioned above? If there is a slight chance of maybe, how would I introduce it? There is a chance that there are Indian Furries, or Furries from the general subcontinent, but I doubt they're that vocal about it for reasons.... And that does make me wonder, with how different the beliefs of South Asia are, Whether it'd be the British Partition, the Religious influences, or the Minefield that is Kashmir, it might not be as good as an idea... But it still remains as an idea I want to pursue. Regardless of my ramblings, what do you think of this idea(s) I'm thinking about? I apologize in advance if this is overwhelming! I am kind of passionate about my heritage's cultures, so please excuse my ramblings! With regards, Riley. * * * Hi, Riley, At first, I thought you wanted to sway your parents toward thinking about furries and accepting you as a furry, but it sounds more like your question is how to expand the fandom into Asia. I guess you are not aware that there are several conventions in the East, including two in China, three in Taiwan, one in Singapore, one in Malaysia, two in Vietnam, and one in the Philippines. On that side of the world, there are also three Australian furcons. Check this out for recent cons: 2024 Asian Furry Convention Calendar | FurryCons.com. Now, it sounds like you believe that the West can foster the growth of the furry fandom in the East. I believe that is a misguided idea. While it is true that the modern fandom began in California, spread through the United States and into England, Germany, and the rest of Europe and even into Central and South America, two factors conspire against American influence in the Eastern fandom: 1) Cultural differences, and 2) growing anti-American sentiment in the world, a fire flamed by Trumpism. For these reasons, the spread of the fandom into Asia will come not from America but largely from Japan. Actually, when you think about it, the fandom in California did not arise spontaneously. It actually was powerfully influenced by Japan. You see, back in 1977, a couple of Founding Furs--Fred Patten and Mark Merlino--started what was called the Cartoon/Fantasy Organization. This small group of early aficionados would get together and watch anime cartoons from Japan like Kimba the White Lion and The Amazing 3. The Los Angeles branch birthed a New York City chapter, and from there it spread, starting the first APA periodicals, furry art, stories, and so on. The spread of the fandom into Southeast Asian countries comes not from America but from Japan because, I surmise, the people in areas such as Singapore and Taiwan can relate more closely to Japanese culture than Western culture (although the West certainly has an influence through the popularity of such things as Disney and Pixar animated films). Cultures in the West and Southeast Asia are more pliable to the concept of the anthropomorphic arts than Arabic and African countries. The more religiously and culturally conservative a country, the less likely it will be receptive to a wild idea such as people dressing up as talking animals. It may happen, eventually, but in drips and drabs. I have met some furries online in places like Nigeria and Lebanon, but they are deep in hiding, telling no one of their love for the anthro arts. You can understand this in some places like Nigeria (a mostly conservative Christian country), where being discovered as gay can get you literally stoned to death. In other countries, Islam specifically prohibits the depiction of sentient beings in art. This is called aniconism, and the Sahih Bukhari is very explicit about this (even though the Quran is not). This is why Muslim art (most beautifully seen in Arabic architecture) uses geometric designs, and you do not see people or animals portrayed in it. Fursuits and furry art definitely fall into the prohibited depiction of animals, so you can see that the fandom will likely not be seen in conservative Muslim countries. (This doesn't mean it's impossible. For example, Indonesia, which is the largest Muslim country in the world in terms of population, hosts Indonesia Anthro Weekend Gathering in Kabupaten Tangerang). India, on the other hand, is dominated by Hindus, Sikhs, and Christians, none of which have this prohibition of animal art, but I am at this time unaware of any furcons in that subcontinent even though India being strongly influenced by the West because of its years in the British Empire and has a culture more primed to novel ideas such as furries. The expansion of the furry fandom proceeds organically. In a world connected by the internet; the spread of media in film, television, and music; and modern-day travel, the concepts of the fandom art planted much like birds dropping plant seeds in new environments to spread non-endemic species. If the soil is not nutritive to the new plant, it won't grow; if it is rich with the loam of open mindedness, it will. If you feel like you need to encourage the spread of the fandom to places like Pakistan or Mexico (Mexico, by the way, does have a furcon, Confuror 2024 - Home), I don't think you will be able to do it quickly. What you can do is reach out to any furries you might run into online from countries that are as yet virgin furry zones. Also, be a good example of the fandom to any newbies to our community. I hope that answers your question. Bear Hugs, Papabear
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Dear Papabear,
I've been in the furry fandom for over a year, and I've been enjoying my time here. I've made so many friends and even met the love of my life. But there are times where I develop imposter syndrome. Like I feel like I don't deserve the friends and the awesome memories I made in the fandom. People tell me otherwise, but I feel like I genuinely have a hard time proving myself that I belong sometimes. Especially for the fact I don't own a fursuit or that I'm not an artist. Yet I still have people who love me, even outside the fandom too. I was wondering if this feeling is normal in the furry fandom and what are some good ways to remind myself that I do matter. Thank you. Sincerely, An anonymous Saint Bernard P.S. I love your fursona and fursuit so much. It's so awesome and adorable. Genuinely wanna give ya a hug. * * * Dear Saint Bernard, Thank you for your letter and the compliment :-3 First off, it must be emphasized that you do not need to have a fursuit to be an active and beloved member of the fandom; nor do you need to be an artist or a gamer or a writer or even have a fursona. The baseline here is simple: Do you love the anthro arts? This includes movies, TV shows, comic books, novels, furry RPGs, and so on. If you answered "yes," then you're a furry fan. The confusion is common. You see, there are really two types of furries: hobbyists and lifestylers. Hobbyists are those who enjoy the anthro arts but do not get into the self-identity side of it, which involves everything from having furriness engulf everything in your life (i.e., e.g. you have furry art and plushies and fursuit stuff all over your home (sometimes called being "furry trash"), furry stickers plaster your car, you often wear a tail or ears in public places, etc.) to actually feeling like you have an animal spirit or that your fursona is in some way really who you are (the far spectrum of this bleeds into the therian and otherkin communities). The hobbyist is much more caszh about the fandom. They like to go to cons or meets, sure, and they may have a fursona for playing games with their friends, but they fully identify as human and spend the majority of their time as such among their normie friends. I, personally (not that you asked), am somewhere in between. You can find furry art hanging in my office, I will be suiting for normie trick or treaters this week, and I do feel I have a spiritual connection to bears, but for the most part I seem pretty normie when I'm not at a furcon. Given the above, you are not an imposter. So, why do you feel like one? It might surprise you that the majority of young Americans (70% by one study) say that they have experienced imposter syndrome at least once in their lives. I have often experienced it too, and the result is usually my berating myself as insufficient in some way, and sometimes people misinterpret my anxiety to false modesty. For example, people sometimes compliment my intelligence, but then I say to myself I really am not that bright; I just have a bachelor's degree; I only speak one language fluently; I have never won an important award or grant or recognition yadda yadda. The result is that my negative feelings about myself are roadblocks to my moving ahead with my life at times. This kind of lack of self-esteem can usually be traced back to our childhoods, especially to those who had either very controlling or very protective and permissive parents. If you have been bullied or socially ostracized as a young person, this can certainly contribute to imposter syndrome when you later achieve great things in your life but a voice in the back of your head keeps telling you that you don't deserve it. My furiend, everyone deserves friendships and respect and love and happiness. And when it comes to the furry family, well, you have landed in a community to which many people who feel like social outcasts are drawn. I think you will (or have already) found people much like yourself who are shy, lack self-confidence or self-esteem, or just feel attracted to the fandom and are blown away by some of the popular furries in it and don't feel like they themselves measure up. Again, I do this too. When I first started getting active in the fandom around 15 years ago, and I saw some awesome artists and writers and musicians and fursuiters (and community leaders like Uncle Kage), I was like, "Okay ... um.... I'll just sit in the corner here and watch and not try to annoy anyone." But the more people I interacted with and the more friends I made, the more I felt like everything was cool here and I began to relax and really enjoy the community. To sum up: 1) no fursuit or artistic skills needed; 2) yes, it is quite normal at first, especially, to feel like you are an imposter; 3) with time, that feeling will ease as you make friends, find your crew, and have more fun being furry. Some techniques to assuage your feelings? 1) don't compare yourself to other furries; there will always be furries who seem more accomplished or whatever; who cares, just do you; 2) try to catch yourself when you say things that put yourself down; when you feel yourself saying things like "I'm not good enough to ... " just stop, pause, and replace that thought with something positive about yourself (e.g., I'm a good friend; I am good company to hang out with; I'm a giving person; I am helpful, etc.); 3) socialize socialize socialize, and by this I mean talk about your feelings with others (you'll find you share much in common) and be supportive of them; find people to lean on and let them lean right back on you; 4) and a great way to feel you contribute is by volunteering at a furcon or getting involved in some furcon charity activity such as the ALS Foundation fundraiser in which many furries have become involved (I can get you in touch with people if this interests you). I'd also like to share a very excellent article from VeryWellMind that talks all about this stuff in detail. It's like a 5-minute read. And don't worry! You're doing great! You've already found a support network, and I know that the more you get involved with furries the more comfortable you will become in the community. Don't forget to have fun! That's what it's supposed to be all about!!! Big Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Furries,
As some of you know, I have been running the Good Furry Awards for over five years now. The purpose of these awards was to thank the thankless in the fandom who do wonderful things both for furries and non-furries. We have had some wonderful winners in the past, including Ash Coyote, Dogbomb, Mark Merlino, and Rod O'Riley. I was particularly glad that Mark was able to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award before he passed away. I never wanted these awards to be "popularity contests." Honestly, I value everyone who was nominated because the intention was to give everyone who makes an effort to make the fandom a better place a paws up and a fuzzy hug. That's exactly the message in our theme song that was written by the fabulous Pepper Coyote. No, the true reason I started this project was that I was so exhausted from hearing furries criticizing the fandom all the time that I wanted to counteract all the negativity with something more positive: the Good Furry Awards. From the beginning, the GFAs have been criticized by the furry community. They have been called "fake awards," "popufur contests," and worse. Furries have tried repeatedly to stuff the voter box and to nominate fake people. At first, I brushed this off because I had the same reaction when I started the "Ask Papabear" column. I said to myself, "Buck up, Grubbs. People don't understand what you're trying to do, but they will eventually, and they'll see you are doing something good for the fandom." Things did get better for my column (although I still get snarky comments on occasion), but the same cannot be said for the GFAs. After five years, I still feel like the community finds these awards somehow offensive. I still get criticized for them all the time (which is weird because people don't criticize the Ursa Major Awards, but whatev). I've been wracking my brain as to why. Is it because the award winners are selected by popular vote? If that were true, the People's Choice Awards would have failed long ago. Is it because it is "fake" because I do all the work and not some corporation or national organization? Therefore, it's not "legit"? Or are the GFAs merely despised because furries who don't get nominated feel they aren't getting acknowledged? I honestly do not know the answer. But I do know this: Even though my intentions were always good (which is how one paves the Road to Hell, am I right?), if I am putting thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of my own money and time into a project that nobody wants, then maybe my entire concept was misguided and wrongheaded. Perhaps I should try to find another way to thank furries on my own and not worry about what the fandom as a whole thinks. After all, if YOU don't want the GFAs, then why the heck am I doing all this work? My bad. As with the awards, though, I didn't want to make this decision without any input from furries. After all, I could be wrong. Maybe there are a lot of fans out there, and I just don't know it. So, here's the deal: I'm putting it to a vote. From now until August 31, you can vote on whether of not the Good Furry Award will stop now or continue on. How does this work? Well, being the good anal bear that I am, I made up fake ;) guidelines, towit: 1. There must be at least 200 votes received by the end of the month. (Weak turnout indicates apathy, and with several hundred thousand furries in the world, if I can't muster 200 votes, that's pretty telling.) 2. There must be a 2:1 ratio of Yes to No votes for the Yes column to win. I will announce the results September 1. GO HERE TO VOTE Dear Papabear, Mr Grizzly (forgot first name), or Kevin...
Simply put, I've been interested in the furry fandom for a couple of years but unable to speak to anyone "inside." I turn 50 this year, and that seems to be a big turn off. I tried a couple furry type chat groups and once they found out my age, they all attacked. I have a difficult time talking to young people since I'm single with no little deductions of my own. I should have lied when registering but thought better of it and forgot the websites. I registered in haste and with no intention of staying. Nobody will find me online. I have no fursona, no artistic ability, no friends and abandoned family over 30 years ago. I'm a lone wolf, literally. I gave up trying but can't help but watch a few furries on YouTube and attempt to attend an annual con that comes to town. Last year I missed it (the con) due to working in another hotel that weekend. I'd love someone to help create a fursona and I'd totally suit in public as much as possible. Just not now; it's literally 110 degrees every day in south Texas. I reckon my question is: Should I just give up completely or is there some other way to make new furry friends both locally and abroad? This is all very frustrating and depressing. Thank you for your time, Jacob (San Antonio, age 49) * * * Dear Jacob, Always nice to meet another greymuzzle. Yes, the difficulties you face relating to members of a fandom composed mostly of young people in their teens and twenties can be a challenge. But don't give up yet! If you're feeling lonely and unloved, I have just the groups for you. Just so happens I run the Greymuzzle group on Facebook that has over 4,000 members just waiting to say UwU and Awoo! to you! Everyone in this group is 30 and older, with many in their 40s, 50s, and up. I also formed a strictly 50 and above group called Silvermuzzles that has over 300 members. Please feel free to join these groups. There are also some greymuzzle groups on Telegram, Discord, Amino, and, I believe, X (Twitter) that you can join. Just go to your favorite app and search on "greymuzzle" or "graymuzzle" and see what comes up. Oh, you might also try "elderfur," which is a term that is sometimes used, though not too much. I feel the need to remind my readers (and you) that you don't have to be a fursuiter, artist, writer, gamer, or "influencer" (gods, I hate that word) to be a furry. Hell, you don't even need a fursona to be in the fandom, although it is a bit more fun if you do have one. The definition of a fandom is not "you must be able to produce stuff related to your interest" but only "you must love the thing that interests you." Being a furry simply means that you love the anthropomorphic animal arts. The fun of being in a fandom is to enjoy things like movies, TV shows, books, and comics and to share your love with like-minded people. The problem with many in the fandom (not just furries but pretty much everywhere in the USA, at least, if not other countries, too) is that it has become a competition to be noticed, to be validated, and to stand out from the crowd. People want to be "popufurs" and be admired, followed, and lauded. This is neurotic behavior usually stemming from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem, coupled with a desire for undeserved plaudits, is a social illness in our society that is exacerbated by our bizarre virtual spectator culture. Today, the result has been a split in the fandom between furries who are genuinely into furry culture and poser furries who only do it because it is considered outlandish to wear costumes in public and act goofy. That is, they just want to do anything they can to get noticed (I once heard such a furry, when asked why he was fursuiting, reply, "Because I'm bored.") These are the furries who later "leave the fandom" because they "grow up" and aren't preoccupied with attention anymore (busy with careers and family), rather than the furries who don't care about being noticed and just adore anthros no matter what life brings them or what others think about them. They aren't in it for an audience. They're in it for love. Getting off my soapbox. . . . I have another suggestion or two. In addition to joining one of my Facebook groups, I recommend you experiment with going to various cons and meets. Not all of them are shaped by the same cookie cutter. You mentioned that you went to the furcon in your town. Seeing that you live in San Antonio, I'm guessing you attended Alamo City Furry Invasion. If that con didn't feel friendly enough, the good news is that in Texas you can also find Furry Fiesta and Furry Siesta (both in Dallas) and Texas Spurs & Furs in Baytown near Houston. Depending on who runs a con, some are good and some are ... well, maybe not so good. My husband and I have a favorite con in Reno called Biggest Little Fur Con that we go to every year. I'm also trying out a new con next month much closer to me called Another Furry Con (I like that they are unafraid of being lame haha) in Ontario, California. It will be interesting to see what the atmosphere is like there. As for meets, if you are unaware, there is the River City Furbowl in San Antonio on August 25 that you could check out. Furmeets vary in quality, too. It's all about the person (or persons) who organizes and runs it. Some are quite horrible because they are run by furries with huge egos who create cliques that are impenetrable for new people who want to join. Other furmeets are loving and welcoming because they are run by cool furries. You just have to experiment and see what works for you. But if that doesn't work either, there is yet another option: Start your own furmeet, invite the people you want to invite, and organize your own activities for the meet. I think your first step should definitely be to join my Greymuzzle group and/or the Silvermuzzle group. You will find many many mature furries there who will gladly help you with things like finding a maker for your fursuit and offering tips for fursuit maintenance and performance. They can also help you with your fursona if you like. That's 4,200 furiends in your age group that you can have instantly by joining! Hope this helps! Hope to see you in my group soon! Hugs, Papabear Grubbs Hello Papabear,
I have been in the fandom for the longest time since I was 15 years old. One of the thing I really love about the fandom is the golden age of the fandom. I love hearing stories of the past when the furry fandom was a new concept, seeing classic artists and art that shape the fandom for what it is today.. My question is, I really find it hard to find info of the past. Do you know any sites or good links that have a history of furry knowledge and classic art. Lighten * * * Dear Lighten, I sure do! There is a growing number of good online sources for you to check out to learn about the fandom's history. Here are a few of them: For Starters:
After you've digested the above overviews, delve deeper with...
As a bonus, I would also suggest you take a look at the recent memorial video Rod O'Riley created on YouTube that is all about the late-great Father of the Furry Fandom, Mark Merlino. You will learn a LOT about the fandom's origins by watching this at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLfNdhHmh1Y&t=14837s. There are also some excellent books out there for you to read, including:
There are, of course, other sources online and in print, but the above represents your best bet to get the information you want. Happy Researching! Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I work on creative games and mods to bring joy to others. My adapted symbol is the spotted hyena, which I chose for its misunderstood perception, dangerous nature, and intelligence. I've known about your website for a long time and I know you to be experienced in life. Do you have experience in dealing with narcissists online? I used to not be aware of their existence until recently and this experience involved three at once. I created a mod for a video game and entered its community. It turned out I had walked into a war of sexual assailants. They deserve to not be named - that would only validate them. Therefore, I will call them N1-3. All three are known in a different related community. N1 was expanding into the community I entered. He used me as a stepping stone. He exploited that I had been betrayed by friends to paint himself to be in similar shoes and filled that void in my life for 2 years. Through his manipulation and the manipulative actions of his former right-hand man, N3 - who had forsaken him and was dragging this new community into the conflict - I believed N1 to be a victim and involuntarily became his defender. N1 slipped up, allowing me to recognize what he is and I broke free. He was not the only one to slip up. N3 personally involved me and my project in a public call out of N1 despite my wishes. When confronted, he tried hard to justify it (mainly to himself) and distracted from the issue by attacking my character. Such an action lead me to gravitate more toward N1. It also had me feel like I was walking on eggshells. As a result, I uncovered the full story. One constant question I had was how did these people become friends in the first place? I found the answer: They're all narcissist manipulators. Here's what they did: N1 built a harem of ride-or-die fans. He abused many women online (and some offline) and painted himself as the victim or downplayed his actions. I'll list the main incidents. He coerced a woman younger than him (W1) with future faking and special rewards into sending sexual cosplay photos then blackmailed her with the possibility of reposting them. N1 rewrote history that it was W1 who initiated. He also made her feel she was in a competition with another woman (W2). He underpaid a co-worker (W3) and visited her to have sex with her despite her clearly saying no beforehand. (W3 was in a relationship too.) He confessed to W3 about getting W4 drunk to sleep with him and cry to her boyfriend afterward. W3 was able to resist him. After the unsuccessful endeavor, he would berate W3 until she stopped working for him. He was ultimately exposed by another co-worker - let's call her Ocarina - when she accused him of sexual assault at a con. N1's key lie is that Ocarina wanted to share a bed with him - the resulting argument being they were both in the wrong (did I mention Ocarina was in a relationship with another person too?), but in reality, she only wanted to share costs on the room and expressed she was very uncomfortable about sharing a bed when it turned out the room didn't have separate beds. They both got drunk and N1 took Ocarina back to their room despite her friends' protests. They both stated that bodily contact happened. Their stories differ on the details, intentions, and states of consciousness. N2 guilt-tripped a fan into a date - let's call her C. The date took place near her city but far enough for her to feel isolated from her family. C expressed discomfort multiple times, but was successfully coerced into spending the night at N2's hotel room. N2 pressed for sex and a condom broke. Their stories differ on what happened afterward. N2 tried to rewrite history that C never clearly communicated what she wanted. N3 was N1's righthand man. He defended N1 until Ocarina then switched to defending N2. He makes everything about himself and used the stories of N1's victims to prove to himself that he did nothing wrong. He made a video targeting newcomers. He didn't show anything of the victims' stories that did not pertain to himself, thereby leaving doubt about the validity of the accusations against N1. N3 is also ignorant of N2's actions and paints him in a positive light with lies by omission. The complication here is that all of these were friends. N2 championed for Ocarina, leading the call out of N1. C reappeared at that time to accuse N2 of rape for the second time. N2 remained silent and let Ocarina and her friends who attended the con to defend him from C. They involuntarily became N2's apologists. One of the friends made an anonymous account to help expose N1 and this account was used to defend N2 as well. Ocarina got hacked and the burner account got exposed. All this allowed N1 to return, arguing that these are hypocrites who tried to cancel him. As you can see, this is a complicated story. Untangling it with no prior knowledge of narcissist manipulation tactics was an ordeal, but I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I got through it and emerged stronger. The problem is that these two communities are filled with teens and young adults who are not mature enough to understand the weight of the situation. They interpreted it as drama and picked their favorite creator to defend. I will continue to be involved with one of the communities through my hobby (for at least a little while), which is already poisoned with a lot of in-fighting due to N1's shift into this community. I am bound to get asked for input about N1 since some of my popularity is due to him. Do you have any advice on how to handle it? I know talking about N1 either positively or negatively validates him, but I do not want these young adults to be left in the dark and falling prey to manipulation from either side. I got rid of my YouTube account kickstarted by N1. I plan to just not talk about him anymore. However, I have already drawn the rage of N1's most religious followers by disassociating. These followers can potentially get other people entangled in such manipulation. I don't know how to handle it. Do you happen to have any advice? Thank you in advance and stay safe, Papabear. - Kartal * * * Dear Kartal, You're right, this is complicated. First, let's clear something up: These people are not "narcissists." The appropriate term for all of them is "immature assholes," who are also apparently guilty of sexual assault. In short, these are very bad people, and if you are wise you will disassociate yourself from all of them. I would also argue that saying they are (or were) "friends" is highly inaccurate because friends do not treat each other in this manner. Secondly, while it is noble of you to think of the young people in these groups who might get sucked into the N1-3 drama, it is really not your job to patrol the groups and act like a police officer. If you try, I guarantee that you will not be successful and will only be dragged farther and farther, deeper and deeper into a pool of disgusting drama. Kartal, you are not responsible for the way people behave and you will find that trying to change people who are bad actors is a fruitless endeavor best left to professionals in the mental health industry. One of the greatest skills to acquire in life is how to be a good judge of people. Once you do this, you will live a happier life by surrounding yourself with good, true friends and family and stepping away from the immature, the manipulators, the selfish, the gaslighters, and the cruel. True friends are kind, loving, and supportive. Anything less makes them not friend material. So, step away from these communities like you were backing away from a minefield. Does this make sense? Good Luck! Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I am a bit new to the fandom (I joined the fandom two years ago but not until recently have I gotten into the community) and I was wondering how I can make a positive impact within the furry community. The fandom is often looked down upon and I want to do something to showcase the friendliness and helpful side that brought me into it. Your articles remind me of this and shed a good light on the community, so do you have any advice on how to highlight the fandom on a community level? Sol the Naga (age 18, Texas) * * * Dear Sol the Naga, Welcome to the fandom :3 It's nice to see a young furry with a good, positive attitude, and thank you for your question! The ABSOLUTE NUMBER ONE THING YOU CAN DO to shed a positive light on the fandom is to be a good example to other furries. Don't be a troll. Don't be a drama queen. Definitely do not join the Furry Raiders LOL. Just be a good furry. A great way to do this is to volunteer at furcons. You're in Texas, so perhaps you could attend Texas Furry Fiesta in Dallas next March or Furry Siesta in August and help out. Or, in Houston, there's StratosFur, and in San Antonio, there is the Alamo City Furry Invasion. The people who run cons are just amazing givers of their time and hard work and they are always in need of more paws behind the scenes. You can also volunteer at charities. Many furries support wildlife and pet charities, for example, as well as other worthy causes such as raising money for ALS research through the Walk to Defeat ALS that many furries have participated in after the death of Tony "Dogbomb" Barrett from this tragic disease. The local chapter for you can be found here (https://alstexas.org/walk-to-defeat-als/). I can ask my friend Joe Bear if there is a furry contact in Texas. If you haven't already done so, see if you can get involved in your local furry community. There are groups on social media you can join, such as https://discord.me/txfurs on Discord. Start a chat there and find out what Texas furs are up to and raise your paw to help out. The more you get involved in your local community of furs doing positive things for people--furry or not--the more light you will shed onto the fandom. Be a good furry, think globally, and act locally, and you will be accomplishing a lot toward your praiseworthy goal. Bear Hugs, Papabear Hello, Papabear,
I've been in the fandom for a long time privately but only active in the last 2 years when my kid showed interest. We have never been to a furcon, just anime and popcons close by. My question is about furmeets. I would like to host one and having never been to one wouldn't know where to start. What advice do you have on a successful furmeet that would be inclusive to young furs and grey furs ? Thank you for your consideration, Dartumus (43, West Virginia) * * * Dear Dartumus, What a lovely question, thanks for asking. I always love to hear about furry parents and their furry children having fun in the fandom together. There are two types of furmeets: the ones you have at your own home and the ones that are set up at other venues. The easiest thing to do is to invite a bunch of friends you already know who are furries and just have a party at your house. This way, you aren't dealing with any unknown factors such as a stranger coming to your house who might not be entirely trustworthy. Furry home activities can include playing board and video games and watching furry movies and, of course, lots of noms and fursuiting. Tip: if you DO have a home meet with strangers attending, make sure your valuables and prescription drugs (if any) are stowed away safely. Also, have a room where people can change into their fursuits and keep all their furry stuff and keep an eye on that room. Usually, everyone is cool, but there have been times when I have heard of people stealing stuff from furmeet houses. Finally, keep the party booze- and drug-free. If you wish to broaden the attendance some to include allowing furries you don't personally know to attend, then I suggest organizing something away from the house. There are all kinds of options for this. You can organize a trip to the theater to see a new movie, you can go to a park and have a picnic, go bowling, or go to a state fair or other event (the best types of these events include Halloween parties and Renaissance Faires--there's a Ren Faire every June in Lewisburg, WV, if that is close to you). All of these activities are appropriate for younger and older furries alike. If you wish to set up a regular furmeet, I suggest you create a Meetup.com account, then announce it on various social media websites that your local furries would use.. Good Luck! Papabear Hello, Papabear,
I have been following the fandom since my early teens. I WANT so badly to belong, but the few times I've reached out to locals or joined any group, I've found it to be a nightmare. The people I meet are either not great people, or I just don't fit in. The one con I went to was a terribly lonely experience. I regretfully say that the fandom has left a bitter taste in mouth. I however, also find it hard to just "walk away." I am now a sad, lonely, semi-furry. My mental illness also makes it hard to fit in as few seem to understand. I am wondering what your advice is for fitting into the fandom or going it alone. Thanks, Anonymous (age 33, Texas) * * * Dear Furiend, Yours is not an uncommon problem. The difficulty with joining local meetup groups is often that they are already an established group of friends with a hierarchy, etc., embedded into their system. The best way to enter such a group is if you are already friends with one of the members and they invite you to join. If you don't know anyfur in the group, then yes, it is hard to introduce yourself and gain acceptance. Imagine if there were a house party somewhere and you lived in the neighborhood but didn't know anyone at the party, but you decided to invite yourself in and go anyway. As you likely know, this is called being a "party crasher" or "gate crasher," so it's kind of the same thing. Of course, with a furry meetup, you need to tell the host you're coming, so it's not exactly the same as crashing the party, but I think you know what I mean. Still, people seem to think that just because we are all furries that it is okay to just show up at a meet and everyone will welcome you as a friend. Nope. The same dynamics are in play at a furmeet as they are in a normie party. This problem is compounded by the fact that many furries are quite shy, so it can be tough to break the ice. Similarly, if you show up at a furcon all by yourself, not knowing anyone, you're going to have a lonely time. Many furries will already be grouped with friends there, and they also converge into cliques, such as gamers and fursuiters. The best con experiences I have had is when I go with (or meet up with) friends who are also attending. Have you seen the movie Coco? In it, the boy Miguel thinks his grandfather is the famous Ernesto de la Cruz, and he goes to meet him in the afterlife. Ernesto throws huuuuuge parties, and when Miguel manages to enter the giant villa party, no one pays him any attention, even though everyone there shares a love of music (just like furries share a love of anthros). But then, Ernesto introduces Miguel as his grandson; suddenly, everyone is welcoming (also, there is the fact he is a skilled guitarist LOL). In comparison, one might say that if you are friends with a popufur, you're going to get some attention pretty quickly. Same holds true, though, if you are connected with a respectable furry who might not necessarily be furry famous, or with a furry who is in an established subgroup. Now, once you have a few friends already with you, it can be a bit easier to make new friends by just participating in various activities and sharing some experiences. For example, I met a couple of furries while going to an escape room at IndyCon. This is a particularly good activity as you have to work together to find the puzzle solutions. Another good way can be if you like gaming and can perhaps find a group that needs an extra player. Some cons also have a video game room set up, and you might be able to find someone who wants an opponent to play with. (Side note: my furiend Michael Crisci [Dineegla Moose] is trying to organize a kind of "Welcome Wagon" at the next Midwest FurFest. The idea is to have a kind of welcoming committee at the con to provide those who are new to the experience or who are having trouble connecting with information and friendship to make their con experience more enjoyable. I think it's a great idea, and I hope the MFF organizers allow him to do it, and then maybe other cons will follow suit.) Anyway, the best way is to meet someone beforehand and then go to the meet or con with them. You can find friends or acquaintances in a lot of social media groups ranging from Facebook to Discord. I see you are 33, for example, and could join the Greymuzzle group I run on Facebook. It's easy to meet people there and then try to see who might be going to a con you attend and see if you can meet them there. An alternative to joining an established meetup is to create one for yourself and invite people you have met online locally. Since you are running the meetup, you can have it focus on things that interest you--whether that is board or video games or going to a movie or bowling outing or whatever. As for your "mental illness" (autism spectrum disorder, perhaps?), many furries have such issues, so that shouldn't stop you from furry activities. Most furries I know are sympathetic or may have the same issues you do. Finally, an excellent way to overcome feeling alone is to go to meets or cons as your fursona. One of the cool things about the fandom is that we can fantasize we are someone else, and these fursonas, you will find, can provide a way to gain entrance into the social world of furry, whether that is online or in real life (online RPGs are an excellent way to meet furries). So, when you go to a meet, try going as your fursona. I find that this really loosens me up, and I bet it will for you, too. Hope this helps! Bear Hugs, Papabear Hi Papabear,
I've been seeing a lot of furry hate recently on the internet, and to be honest, I am tired of people hating on us, thinking that we are all zoophiles or thermals [I think he means therians, or maybe ferals], and to see that even though we hate them (zoophiles/therians) as well, people still don't see that! I feel like the fandom is dying, and you know what? We should destroy the furry community to make a new community like it, except with thermals or zoophiles, and to not have inappropriate things like murrsuits. It should be child friendly! Do you think we should recreate the furry fandom and have a set of rules with it? To keep everyone more safe and to stop furry hate all together? Anonymous (age 15) * * * Dear Anonymous, Wow, there's a lot of stuff in this letter to address. Let me see if I can do so in an organized and logical fashion.
If you're looking for a subculture or fandom with rules and structure in it, the furry fandom is not where you want to be (try a Star Trek convention, maybe). It's chaotic, creative, explosive, turbulent, wild, manic, and totally counterculture. That's what makes it fun, frustrating, and amazing. The people who hate furries hate us because we don't go by their rules. I love it. Don't let it bother you, because they only hate us because they can't control us. Kind of like Darth Vader hating the Old Republic because it didn't conform to his ideas of control. There is a lot of pressure and hate against people who are trying to be free. Yes, it can be hard, and I understand you're upset about it, but that's a part of what being a furry is. Bear Hugs, Papabear |
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An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
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