Write to Papabear

Two Letters about Wearing Fursuit Heads in Public

10/15/2017

Dear Papabear,

Does McDonald’s allow fursuiting without asking them if you could go in with your suit? I have a cheap Walmart head and paw slippers and gloves and tail from 2 different Halloween stores. I really want to go to McDonalds with it and I don't want to ask them cause I want it to be a huge suprise.

Rainbowpaws

* * *

Hey Papabear,

It's Sawina again. I recently went to a corner convienient store in my partial and forgot my head was on until I was already in the store. I quickly took off the head to avoid an incident, but when I returned 2 days later, which was today. I ran into the manager. I apologized for what I did, but she told me if she was working at that time she would have called the cops and even shot me. Was my small mistake really worth the death threat I recieved today?

Thanks in advance, Sawina.

* * *

Dear Rainbowpaws and Sawina,

Because your letters are related, Papabear decided to combine them into one column. It is an important subject to address here: the wearing of fursuit heads in public.

Since the terrorist attacks of 2001, concealing one’s identity in public places has come under greater suspicion by authorities who are concerned about people trying to attack American citizens. Actually, antimask ordinances likely date long before then for reasons such as problems with the KKK, bank robbers, etc. But before we get into that, let’s just talk about going into private businesses, such as a fast-food joint or convenience store.

As you might imagine, such places can be and have been robbed by masked criminals. Masks can be anything from stockings and ski masks to Halloween masks easily bought at party stores. You might see, then, that if you go inside such a place wearing, say, a wolf or lion head, this could make the person behind the cash register understandably very nervous as to what you are up to.

So, my immediate advice is don’t do this. If you are going to a store (or bank!) and want to express your furriness, limit yourself to things like paws, ears, and/or tails. Never conceal your face behind a mask in these situations.

That said, what are the legal implications here? This can be extremely complicated because laws vary from state to state, country to country. Also, there have been federal cases that have revolved around the wearing of identity-concealing masks.

France is an example of a country with a very strong, anti-mask law that was passed in 2010 and has been used to jail people for wearing balaclavas. Predictably, this has inspired protests by the Muslim community.

The U.S. Constitution does protect you when it comes to self-expression and protest, however. For example, during the Dakota Access Pipeline protests, the state tried to jail protestors for concealing their faces with scarves, but the U.S. Supreme Court has upheld the wearing of masks during protests as a form of free speech. There have been other efforts to make masks illegal to wear at protests on public property or private property when the owner has not given permission for a protest.

Let’s look at the state level. There are eleven U.S. places with anti-mask laws, including California, Georgia, Massachusetts, Michigan, North Carolina, New York, Ohio, Virginia, West Virginia, and the District of Columbia. Usually, when states have a law against masks it is stipulated that they are illegal when used during a crime and not for entertainment purposes such as during Halloween. There are other obvious exceptions, such as if you are wearing a respirator or surgical mask for health reasons.

In your cases, we’re dealing with Massachusetts and California law. Section 185 of the California Penal Code states: “It shall be unlawful for any person to wear any mask, false whiskers, or any personal disguise (whether complete or partial) for the purpose of: One--Evading or escaping discovery, recognition, or identification in the commission of any public offense. Two--Concealment, flight, or escape, when charged with, arrested for, or convicted of, any public offense. Any person violating any of the provisions of this section shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor.”

Massachusetts General Law, Chapter 268, Section 34 states: “Whoever disguises himself with intent to obstruct the due execution of the law, or to intimidate, hinder or interrupt an officer or other person in the lawful performance of his duty, or in the exercise of his rights under the constitution or laws of the commonwealth, whether such intent is effected or not, shall be punished by a fine of not more than five hundred dollars or by imprisonment for not more than one year and may if imprisoned also be bound to good behavior for one year after the expiration of such imprisonment.”

(For a list of other state laws, see http://www.anapsid.org/cnd/mcs/maskcodes.html.)

In both your cases, you are not violating the law, but we shouldn’t assume that store employees are going to be fully aware of the law, so they could call the police on you or toss you out of the store (many stores, after all, do have signs where they say they can refuse service to anyone they wish.)

Bottom line, again, is I would not wear a fursuit head in these cases. While the law is on your side, save it for places where wearing a fursuit is expected (cons and meets) or at events where those running the event are fully aware you will be in suit.

Thanks for your terrific questions!

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

Canadian Furry Fears Legalization of Recreational Marijuana

8/31/2017

3 Comments

Dear Papabear,

Weed will be legal July 1st next your for recreation all across Canada, and this terrifies me. What if the economy fails in Canada because people will no longer work and will be unmotivated degenerates sitting in front of their TV screens becoming living 10 pin bowling balls. Because I know very little about weed and what it does other then it's a very bad drug based on what an OPP constable told me in the DARE program in my old public school.

Sergie

* * *

Dear Sergie,

Thanks for your letter. So, yes, Canada already has legalized medicinal marijuana, and it will be legal for recreational use on July 1, 2018. Marijuana has gotten a bad rap since the early 1900s, when Mexican immigrants started coming in droves to the United States to work, bringing with them "marihuana." (Pardon me for mostly talking about the USA here, but it is still relevant to Canada).

Now, America had a long history of growing hemp to make rope and textiles, but taking it orally was limited to medicinal uses, beginning in the mid-nineteenth century, for such things as increasing appetite and libido. When immigration came in from the South, a backlash against Mexicans began, and marihuana use was said to make Mexicans violent and dangerous (just another expression of racism in America). By the 1930s, there were all kinds of crazy exaggerations about marijuana as epitomized in the hysterical 1936 movie Reefer Madness, which portrayed weed use as if it were a mixture of LSD and cocaine. By 1970, the passage of the Controlled Substance Act had classified weed (cannabis) as a Schedule I drug, meaning it had no medicinal value (incorrect) and making it a crime eligible for long prison sentences. Bad propaganda was also spread, saying that weed was a "gateway drug" that led to harder drugs like heroine and crack.

About two decades later, however, the medical community began to recognize that cannabinoids in the plant did have helpful properties, especially regarding pain management, treatment of glaucoma, and for increasing the appetite of people on chemotherapy, but also for epilepsy, cancer, and Alzheimer's. While cannabis remained federally illegal, several states (California, Oregon, Washington, Maine, Arizona, and Alaska) passed their own legislation making medical marijuana use legal.

Recreational use has been approved in five U.S. states: Colorado, Alaska, Oregon, Washington, and, this year, in California.

Neither the medicinal nor the recreational use of cannabis in these states has resulted in increased crime or any other serious legal or social problems. In the meantime, money from sales has benefited these states. Also, since it is now legal, there is no reason to fill prisons with people who have been caught with a few ounces of Mary Jane in their pockets, so this stands to help reduce prison crowding.

So, who is still against marijuana? Well, liquor and cigarette companies who stand to see a reduction in sales, pharmaceutical companies that will lose sales on their expensive medications for which weed is just as effective, and private prison corporations and their employees (this is more of an American thing than Canadian) that stand to lose money if they lose population. Finally, a lot of old school law enforcement people (like your constable) still believe the hype about marijuana.

As a drug, cannabis use is no worse than alcohol, which is legal, and no worse for your health than cigarettes and e-cigs, which are also legal. So, my Canadian furiend, you are not going to see your fellow countrymen and countrywomen become a bunch of "unmotivated degenerates."

That all said, Papabear is against heavy use of drugs and alcohol because they are, bottom line, not healthy for you. So, avoid them if you can, but there is nothing morally wrong or evil or mind-destroying about weed. Remember, all things in moderation.

Oh, and there is another problem with cannabis cultivation: pollution. In California, marijuana farms in the north overuse fertilizers and pesticides that are damaging water supplies and killing endangered animals such as fishers.

These are all things to bear in mind when it comes to the controversial production and use of Cannabis sativa.

Hope that calms your fears but also gives you something to think about.

Hugs,
Papabear

3 Comments

Furry Worries about the Government Spying on Him

8/3/2017

1 Comment

Dear Papabear,

Although mass surveillance has made the world safer especially when it comes to the internet why do I feel paranoid everywhere I go in public and whenever I use the Internet to do research I hate being watched like this 24/7/52 also the Feds make me fearful one wrong move and I could be black bagged cuffed and taken away.

Sergie

* * *

Hi, Sergie,

You are not unjustified by your concern. Since the passage of the 2001 “Patriot Act,” there has been considerable concern about American citizens’ privacy, especially regarding their online and phone behavior. Basically, if the government thinks you might have a connection to terrorism in any way, it has carte blanche to access your files and possibly prosecute you. They can wiretap your phone or other device without telling you, and they can do the same monitoring your Internet browsing behavior.

Furthermore, there is increasing surveillance of our streets, airport security is a hassle, and it is probably not far off that they will demand we all have chip implants.

Because computers are easily accessed remotely, and so much is stored on “the Cloud,” it is feasible that government agents could plant incriminating evidence into your files, then get a warrant, “discover” it, and arrest you.
Scary times. Or so it would seem….

Fortunately, there are still laws made to protect Americans like you and me. The Fourth Amendment protects you against being searched without a warrant:

U.S. Constitution Fourth Amendment

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Also, US v. Katz 389 US 347 (1967), a U.S. Supreme Court decision, said that the government cannot eavesdrop on your communications, except in narrow exceptions that must be specifically explained by law.

Now, there is something called the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act that provides for the government to spy on citizens regarding communications with foreign entities, but the government still needs a court order to do so.
But the government tries to get away with shit all the time. That is when organizations such as the ACLU get involved and defend citizens’ rights and the Constitution.

Do not be afraid to defend and stand up for yourself, getting an attorney if needed. The government is supposed to serve the people, not vice versa.
At any rate, I sincerely doubt you are doing anything of interest to the NSA. Also, you are not being watched 24/7. There simply is not the time or staff or budget in the government to watch everyone do everything. Like any other investigative work, they rely on tips and leads to target suspicious activity.
But if you are concerned, here are some programs that can help shield you from nosy people:

1. Signal (https://whispersystems.org/) encrypts your text messaging and phone calls.
2. Tor Web Browser (https://www.torproject.org/projects/torbrowser.html.en) makes it harder to follow your web activities.
3. 1Password (https://1password.com/) helps you keep lots of passwords safe and makes it so you don’t have to worry if you forget a password.

Happy Surfing!
Papabear

1 Comment

Guy Who Stalked Her Is Now Her Coworker

1/8/2016

0 Comments

Hi,

A few years ago I finished University and my friendship group dispersed; so much has changed since then and people I thought would be my friend for a long time turned sour. The biggest problem was with a friend of mine, whom I lived with, that had a strong crush on me. We were good friends for years but his crush was very domineering. It never was spoken about until he asked me out, and I politely declined.

I had never had a partner before and I did not find him attractive, so never reciprocated his emotions, but he persisted to the point of obsession; as time went by, and graduation loomed, he began stalking me, and on several occasions he threatened my life. He told a friend he could kill me if he wanted, and I got frightened of him. He had a history of depression and we always knew it, but it seemed to become very bad and he would not get help.

I was so offended and scared of who he became after my rejection, I severed all contact with him. Now, three years later, I am seeking a job in a company that I dream of working at and have found out he works there too.

How should I deal with meeting this person again? I have a loving boyfriend now and am nervous of meeting this old friend. How will he react - how should I act? Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks,
Blackwolf (age 25, England)

* * *

Dear Blackwolf,

The biggest mistake that people make when they feel threatened by others (fearing sexual or other physical violence) is to keep it to themselves. I would also suggest that you familiarize yourself with English law about harassment and stalking (cf. http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/stalking_and_harassment/#a03a).

In retrospect, I would have advised you to keep a record of any and all instances of previous harassment, including taking note of what he told other people, who these people were, and when he said it. I would have recorded conversations on the telephone, emails, etc. For now, though, I would say that it would be a good idea for you to reconstruct everything you can remember about what happened for future reference.

Next, as per the above, I would go to the head of your Human Resources Department and make sure they are aware of the situation. This isn’t the same as bringing charges of any type, since he hasn’t yet done anything at your workplace, but your employer should be aware of your fears now and don’t feel embarrassed to suggest they keep a discreet eye on him, including his Internet activities (many businesses are very capable of seeing what their employees do in emails and Web activities). While you are in the HR office, pick the brains of the people there and ask them for advice on what you should do, whether police should be notified, and what company policies are about harassment and stalking.

If at all possible, avoid meeting or talking to this guy. If you can’t do that and have to deal with him, keep it at a 100% professional level; that is, only talk about business. Do not discuss ANYTHING personal about your life, either now or in the past. He is a robot to you, a functionary, that’s all.

Good luck! HUGS!

Papabear

0 Comments

He Feels His Life Has Been Ruined by a Website's Criticism

9/15/2015

10 Comments

I like to first ask to censor my First and Last name, but I do not mind if you say 'wwwarea'. But it's NOT a furry name. Anyway, I planned to write before, saved the document, etc. But I might write again and THIS time send it. But because of major drama I been dealing with, I am very open to the world ending even more, the desire to suicide (maybe), etc.

I been attacked by some cyberbullies online (Users such as Channeleven/REMRadioheadfan96 on Deviant Art, FunnelFortex on Deviantart, etc.). The worst enemy I've dealt with was REM (The basic nick name I used a lot of him). His history here: http://multiversefeeling.blogspot.com/2015/08/remradioheadfan96-or-channeleven-history.html

He (and his friends) always cause trouble, attack people for disagreeing, etc. One final thing so far is that I was attacked for being open about spirituality, and wondered about what 'Otherkin' mean here: http://wwwarea.deviantart.com/journal/Otherkin-557979348.

And, of course, Funnel started it, and etc. I stand up against their offensive prejudice biases, etc. They attacked me for it by pretending their prejudice opinions were "fact" (They clearly don't know what spirituality, multiverse, etc. mean.). I kinda ended it by making more general journals back, etc. http://wwwarea.deviantart.com/journal/No-REM-and-Vortex-you-Never-won-UPDATE-558689226. Anyway this drama was bad.

During another time, REM wrote an ED article about me, and that's where (I think) I was planning to ask for help. But then I canceled it out. However, after this major drama here, they updated it: https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Wwwarea.

Because of this cyberbullying article on how easy it is to find it with the name of 'wwwarea', etc. I am very open to the desire to die (again), the world ending, and etc. I am a major misanthropic, and I no longer have as much faith I used to have for humanity anymore.

I don't know what to do...

My RL friends never found that article, nor my family, etc. Like I don't want them to know about what I do, etc.

My questions are, what do you think of this article? How can I get it to not show in Google, and are articles like these accepted by many people online? This article strongly affects me, gives me anxiety, ruined my life, and etc. They say it's bad to have an article on ED even though it's nothing but a bunch of bulls***. I know it's more than one question, but I don't know what else to write.

I was attacked publicly for my possible mixed religion, spirituality, as a furry, for my sexuality, for what I defend, etc. All for cyberbullying humiliating, mock, etc. purposes. ALL PUBLIC.

I don't know what to bloody do anymore. I hope I die in my sleep and wake up in heaven.

* * *

Hi, Wwwarea,

I’m always disturbed by those who threaten suicide. If you are seriously contemplating it, please stop reading this right now and call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 and speak with a professional counselor.

If you are now returning to this letter, I will proceed. Nothing in the links you provided that I read looks like something you should kill yourself over or that has “ruined your life.” I really think you need to gain a bit of perspective here and realize that someone ranting about you online happens all the time. Heck, I’ve been called a fraud, a popufur (not in a good way), a simpleton, an idiot who thinks that all furries are gay (not true, of course), and someone who is just out to make money off of troubled furries (I actually lose money on this website). One guy on a furry podcast made fun of me a lot, mocking my name and portraying me as an egotist (then I found out that it was his job on the show to act like a buttmunch to gain listeners—sheesh).

As for people making fun of your explorations about Otherkin—people have been mocking others for ages for their spiritual beliefs. Worse, they sometimes kill each other about it. If you firmly believe in something, then who gives a rat’s patootie what others think?

Remember to consider the source, which brings me to the Encyclopedia Dramatica. I took a quick survey on one of the Facebook pages I run and found out that 98 percent never heard of ED or, if they had, they didn’t consider it an important site. Only one person said they heard of it and that if you get trashed on it that it was a bad thing.

I really doubt that anyone is going to look at it. Since I doubt your family knows you go by the name wwwarea, I sincerely doubt anyone you care about will read the ED entry.

Papabear prescribes the following: one giant chill pill gulped down with a glass of cool water.

Hugs,

Papabear

* * *

Thanks for trying to help.

But I've heard criticism that ignoring the hate isn't always the best thing to do or something. I can see possibly one reason: While we both know ED is a shit site, and that it's clearly possible to ignore it, the problem is that many people actually consider it a real serious site (and a "smart" site) in some way (or partly real), and that the subjects against me are somewhat widely accepted by many people, etc.

If someone were to search 'wwwarea' in Google, they would find it and most likely agree to it or some of it, or believe some of it's slander, etc.

Another problem is that some furries, non-furries, etc. consider it a dangerous and effective site, etc. E.g. Some worry about being on it, and suggest things like: "You might get an ED if you say that!" <Not exact, etc.

I do not have RL friends (except 1 that moved out) and there are no person out there in RL who knows anything about me accept the basic what's considered "normal" or "normal enough" (some gaming, etc.). No person (maybe) openly accepts furry of much in RL here, it's basically just that crappy 'big media' garbage.

It can cause other people to see it, and worse, agree to it to me, etc. This can possibly happen with anyone, etc.

Sorry about the furry radio thing, that guy was a dick. I think people should sue that person.

Anyway, the reason why I am trying to stand up is because I am trying to self-defense myself because these people are actually serious about labeling me as "bad" and "delusional", etc. Example: I had to make this: http://wwwarea.deviantart.com/art/The-Right-to-Self-Defence-The-Truth-546045888.

* * *

Sweetie, listen to Papabear.

You are trying to fight a website that has the sole purpose of offending you and anyone else it feels like. It is a satire site. It is a troll site, OK? Arguing against it is like being the subject of a roast and being offended when people make fun of you. The purpose of the roast is to make fun of you.

The more you fight them and argue with them, the more they will make fun of you.

So, stop posting about ED. Stop reacting to ED and its creator, Julian Dibbell. Stop worrying about what people think of posts on ED. It is a fruitless exercise.

Now, when you wish to talk about things like your explorations into spirituality, there are lots of websites and discussion forums where you can do that with open-minded people.

Do you understand?

Hugs,

Papabear

* * *

Sorry if I am bothering you. I have a feeling you are too busy on handling other things. If you want time to focus on other things first, then go for it. My 'suicidal' desire to die early is very, very strict, to the point that I'm only open to dying in my sleep by random unexpected action from the 3D awareness. Example: I could pray to die in sleep, but not knowing for sure if that will even work.

But here is my message:

It's not really a 'joke' site or much. The ones who wrote it are actually serious about me (They say, don't take it seriously, etc. but that's false), they do this for cyberbullying purposes and many people actually depend on it (It's all serious). When I asked about the Google thing, I was wondering if it was possible to shift my 'ED wwwarea page' name to at least the second page or something? - I care less about taking it down.. maybe. Though arguing it and showing people that it's not a real satire site could help let people be aware.

Anyway, it's proven very well that it's a harmful site. Example: http://happypenguin819.deviantart.com/art/Encyclopedia-Dramatica-286414039?q=favby%3Awwwarea%2F1568323&qo=23.

I don't agree about the "deserve" part, nobody still does and shouldn't depend on what others think, etc. but the rest is very interesting.

I also found out another article showing a quote showing that someone was effected due to a similar effect of people finding my name with that.

My main concern was the effects of the site and my 'wwwarea' name due to what I already tried to explain.

I don't want my RL friends, and family to see this! I don't want them to see what I do (Not that I agree it's bad or anything, it's personal), I don't want some of my online friends to see this either. And I don't want more people to see that article and agree to it. (YES, some really do take it seriously as a tool for cyberbullying, etc.)

Now also, I am now stalked, every 24/7 sometimes. Meaning that no matter what I want to express, they will find me, and update that article; causing me to hide my identity.

I may be hated by more people.

So no matter how I ignore it, that's not going to stop possibly.

Now do you understand?

I'm not expecting your help of 'taking down' ED, it's not exactly that way (But man I do wish the law did. Haha).

Again, if you need some time reading this, please have time...

* * *

Hi, there,

Here is Papabear’s opinion on Encyclopedia Dramatica’s purpose of “in lulz we trust” (if readers don’t know, “lulz” means doing thing to deliberately upset other people emotionally): there is a valid reason for satire in our society, especially political satire and political criticism. Such satire is aimed at making people aware of political wrongdoing in a humorous way because that can be very effective in making a point. Free speech is extremely important in our society; it is the foundation of freedom to be able to say what you think without being persecuted for it.

Some of what ED does is to point out products and companies that are pretty crappy. Okay, point taken. It’s different, though, when you are attacking individuals on a personal basis. What ED frequently does is simply try to hurt people’s feelings when they feel they are being foolish. The reason they do this is to attract traffic to their website, obviously, because traffic translates into advertiser money (or donations, which they ask for). I could go more deeply into the psychological reasons why people do this, but let’s just say that what they are doing is not very admirable; it’s just mean and petty. The author of the page compares the mission of ED to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. Lemme tell ya, Mr. Dibbell, after reading some of your articles, it is safe to say you are no Ambrose Bierce.

One thing we do not need in this world is people causing more hurt and pain and hard feelings. There is too much of that already.

Wwwarea, there are a couple things you can do, if you wish, at this point: 1) you can stop using the name wwwarea and start fresh with a new online name and identity; 2) you can sue ED, and any other parties you feel are involved, for libel. To successfully sue for libel in court, you must prove the following:

Someone made the statement (yes)
The statement was published (it was)
The statement caused you injury (this usually means something like you lost your job or had some other financial setback or, perhaps, that it, say, caused your marriage to end or some other disastrous thing in your life; in your case, you have not stated exactly how you were injured, other than your feelings were hurt, so I see this as problematic)
The statements made about you were false (were they factually incorrect? And calling someone names does not apply in this category)
The statements made were not privileged information (that is, you can’t sue someone like a doctor or lawyer who has said something to you that is privileged information; this is not an issue in your case).

Currently, the biggest problem in the above that I see is proving #3, but if you feel you can show this, you might want to consult with an attorney.

If I were you, I wouldn’t bother with a lawsuit. They can be expensive and time consuming and emotionally draining. Far easier just to change your name online and start over again, if it is bothering you that much.

If it were me, though, I would just let it be and ignore it. Bullies like Julian Dibbell wither and die when they are ignored just like a plant without water or sunshine or, in his case, manure.

Take Care,

Papabear

10 Comments

Her Boyfriend Fantasizes about Being Caught Having Sex in Public

8/28/2015

4 Comments

Dear Papabear,

I was miserable all my life until I met my one true love. Me and my boyfriend are both furries and we're in a good relationship.

My bf is a person who takes charge (i.e. He loves being the giver) in our relationship.

We've been very adventurous in the bedroom or should I say out of it. Me and my bf are into doing the deed outdoors and in the most unusual places, we've done it in car parks, forests, bouncy castles, in other friends horse stables, changing rooms, even once on a mechanical bull etc.

Just a few days ago me and him got into this simulator machine that replicates a roller coaster and we just made out and had sex in it. Best sex ever in my life.

But now dearest papa bear I like sex outside as he does but he likes being more adventurous than I do, but he wants to become even more adventurous, he's wanting us to go into forbidden places like an old school building with our old school uniforms on or we'd go to an abandoned hotel and he'd play a hotel manager and I'd play a customer he'd show me a room and before I know it we're on the double bed and I'm pulling at the headboard, that I don't mind but he wants us to get caught in public.

How can I talk him around? I don't mind being intimate outdoors because we're both up for it but its just he wants to push the barrier into getting caught by members of the public.

So how can I talk him out of this before we get caught?

Anonymous (England)

* * *

Dear Furiend,

While I think it’s terrific that the two of you are adventurous lovers, there is a limit to all things. The limit in the case of public sex has to do with the law. Both in England and in the United States there are laws that prohibit or put restrictions on having sex in places where others who don’t really want to see you doing carnal things may get a good look at it. While these rules have eased up a little in the 21st century, they still exist.

In England, laws about sexual conduct were updated in 2003 (long overdue as they remained Victorian until then), giving some grounds for things like nudists practicing their thing in private and also granting homosexual behavior the same rights as heterosexual behavior (in England it used to be illegal for homosexuals to have an orgy in a private home but perfectly legal for heterosexuals to do the same thing).

Laws about public decency are covered in England under The Sexual Offences Act and The Public Order Act. In essence, they say if you have sex where you can be seen and there is no expectation of privacy, you have committed a crime. (Note to American readers: the same sort of laws exist in the United States, but vary from state to state, including penalties; it is generally seen as a misdemeanor punishable for up to about $1,000).

Back to your boyfriend: what you need to do is point out to him that he is putting both of you at risk of being charged with a crime, especially if he wants you to get caught. Next thing you know, the two of you will be paid a visit by the nice guy named Bobby (a police officer).

I would hope that your boyfriend would not want the two of you in trouble (oh, and by the way, I’m a bit concerned that some of his fantasies may involve trespassing on property that may be abandoned but still isn’t permissible for you to enter). Hopefully, this is just because he’s unaware it is a crime (remembering that ignorance of the law does not exonerate you), and not because he deliberately wants to cause you trouble.

Again, I think it’s great to have an adventurous sex life, but the purpose of such laws is to protect the rights of others who may not appreciate it and could be offended and shocked by it. Keep your sex life private.

Hope that helps!

Papabear

4 Comments

After Being Robbed, He Continues to Feel Violated and Ill-at-Ease

8/6/2015

0 Comments

The past three weeks have been really trying for me. Someone or a group of people stole stuff from my family. Just recently I found out they have attempted to use financial stuff to go against me and I have put out a police report and the financial institution is doing their own investigation. I may have matured a lot since I was younger but it still burns my stomach to heck these persons have attempted to do this to me.

The stuff they stole had sentimental value to me. Some other stuff, it's just stuff, material things which can be easily replaced. It feels like things have been a very steep slope which I am attempting to stop the downward slide. I still think about it and it's very raw. I am OK and things will hopefully turn out OK, which I think usually does. I'm not really a religious person but I think of one song which states for any payoff for having any faith is to be tested again and again. I really want to feel safe, know my future is OK and just want to feel what I quantify as normal. Any suggestions to help feel a normalcy in my life is appreciated.

Charon (age 38)

* * *

Hi, Charon,

Could you give me some more information? Who are these "group of people"? Do you have a good idea who they are? What do you mean they attempted to use financial stuff to "go against me"? How did they steal stuff from you? Did they break into your house? I need more information, please, before I can reply.

Thanks,

Papabear

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Random person or persons wanting to steal stuff for their own monetary gain and not giving a hoot about the other person, namely me. I don't know the people. Stole bank information, which thankfully the bank I go to caught it in time and no money was withdrawn. Storage facility.

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Hi, again, Charon,

So the bank situation has been taken care of, but you have lost the items from the storage unit. Sorry to hear that. It is, frankly, rare for someone to live out one’s life and not be a victim of theft at least once. When I was living in Ferndale, Michigan, a kid broke into my home and took jewelry, my bicycle, and broke into my great grandmother’s cedar hope chest. The irony of the break-in was twofold: first, the chest wasn’t locked and all that was in it was afghans; and second, they stole worthless jewelry while leaving the more expensive stuff behind (kid didn't know what he was doing, obviously, leaving a diamond ring and taking a high school class ring instead, for example). I didn’t care about the jewelry or the bike, but it cost me $300 to fix and restore the hope chest, which pissed me off royally because it was so senseless and because that was the one piece of furniture in my home that had sentimental value at the time. The police were no help at all, even though one of them told me that “we know a kid in the neighborhood who has been breaking into homes.” Never did a thing. I later went to the police station to file an addendum to the missing items and the cop in charge of the case vaguely looked at it while chatting with his buddies about his summer vacation plans. Useless.

But I digress. I have some words of advice regarding storage units (I’m full of advice, ain’t I?) First of all, if you have a lot of valuables in a storage unit, you should purchase insurance for it. Secondly, items of great value should go in a safe deposit box or a home safe (make sure the home safe is fire resistant). If they are too large for either, I would just keep them at home and, perhaps, purchase a home alarm system.

As with any theft, there is a sense of personal violation that follows. The idea, for me, that someone was in my home going through my things makes me feel very creeped out. I understand that you would feel the same. Unfortunately, there is no way for anyone to be 100% safe. You can take precautions, lower the risk of it happening again, but it could still happen. And as for things like banks or even retail stores, if you watch the news, hackers are constantly compromising the databases full of personal information for millions of people. When it comes to banks, your money is insured by the FDIC, so even if it’s stolen you should be able to get it back. And with credit cards, if people steal your card and start making purchases, you are not liable for them (sometimes you can owe up to $50, but that’s usually the max and I believe that is only if you are shown to have been negligent). Not that I’m a huge fan of credit card companies, but mine has been very good at informing me immediately if they see a suspicious purchase, such as the time they noticed “I” bought a plane ticket to Idaho. They have a full history of my purchasing behavior, and since that was unusual, they contacted me right away. They did so, too, when they noticed a purchase worth hundreds of dollars for online video games, and they knew that was unlike anything I had bought before.

You have a very good attitude about merchandise without sentimental value being just “stuff.” That’s exactly what it is. Just stuff, and I’m glad that part doesn’t upset you so much. Just be more cautious about things with sentimental value, is what I would advise for you. However, in the end, even those items are really just stuff, too.

As the Buddhists say, it is our attachment to things that causes us pain. Where there is no emotional attachment to things, no harm can come to you should something happen to them. It reminds me of a story about the late Jim Henson (the Muppets creator). One day, he was returning to his car in a parking garage and noticed the trunk had been broken into and some very pricey camera equipment had been stolen. His reaction? “I guess someone needed it more than I did.”

You can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control your response to them.

Blessed Be,

Papabear

0 Comments

Furry Wants Revenge for MFF Incident ... and a 2014 Message from Papabear

12/31/2014

9 Comments

Dear Papabear,

How have you been? Merry Christmas!

I come to you with a question about an incident which has shocked me quite a lot. As you are probably already aware, this year's MFF convention suffered what many consider to be a 'terrorist attack'. Someone unleashed chlorine gas which caused the evacuation of the hotel, disrupted the convention and sent 19 people to hospital.

Now, I am perfectly aware that the fandom is not lacking in haters. I have even stopped trying to explain what the fandom is when asked, due to the fact that most people are already influenced by third parties to think that all furries are perverts and whatnot. The only answer I give nowadays is “If you are not part of the fandom, you won't understand. So do not bother.”

I, for one, am perplexed with my own reaction to non-Furries. A few years ago, I would love to explain the fandom to others. About a furry's fondness of anthropomorphic animals, cartoons, art, and others. But every time I go online nowadays I find myself intoxicated with hate messages. Messages saying that all furries suffer from autism, or have mental disabilities, or are zoophiles. And that makes me feel like a freak. Just because I love the fandom and I love to be a Furry.

In the end, these repetitive incidents made me a bitter Furry. I antagonize non-Furry people with ease as soon as I am asked about the Furry Fandom, for I immediately think 'Potential hater right here!'

And now, the attack on MFF only increased my bitterness, especially because I keep seeing people post comments such as “The guy who did this deserves a medal!” or “You only hospitalized 19? Try harder!” Only one thought flows through my mind. Revenge. If we are being attacked, should we not fight back? I do not mean that we should respond with violence (although I really want to), but should we not find some sort of deterrent to prevent possible future attacks? The best defense is a good offense, yes?

I need your help to figure out how to change my attitude to non-Furry people. How can I go back to being optimistic about non-Furry people instead of despising them due to generalizations and misconceptions?

Thank you, and once again, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Kind Regards,

Armand DeCrow

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Dear Armand,

Many furries know about the incident at the Hyatt Regency in Rosemont, Illinois, but for those who don’t, please read the post on the Midwest Fur Fest site here: http://furfest.org/index.php.

I think this is a good letter to end 2014 with because we can talk about some serious stuff here. Let me begin by saying that we should never assume guilt on anyone’s part without knowing the facts, and the facts of this case (who did it) have yet to be revealed. The person who set off that primitive chlorine device could have been a mundane or another furry. Some furries, you know, can be butt-munchers. It might have been a furry being pissed off at other furries and doing something very stupid and harmful while in a drunk and stupid state of mind.

So, before you go out seeking revenge—violent or otherwise—don’t go off half-cocked.

Even if the perp is some nasty mundane person, violence and revenge are never the answer. Once you start down that path, the result is an endless cycle of hurting, revenge, more hurting. It’s easy to provide examples of this, such as what has been going on in the Middle East for generations and the continued racial tensions in this country.

Only a few great men, such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi, have advocated the real solution to the violence cycle, and that is organized mass nonviolent protest. Imagine, if you would, if people finally got fed up with the Koch Brothers, Congress, the Waltons, the Rothschilds, etc., turned off their TVs and all together refused to work, buy gasoline, go to Walmart, attend sporting events and movies, and just sat down and said, “We’re not going to be your wage slaves anymore. You must fix this broken government and stop giving every advantage to the 1% or this country will collapse under the united weight of the people.” What are they going to do? Bring in the National Guard? And do what? Start beating and shooting people who are just sitting around? Throw us in prison? Confine us in football stadiums like they did in New Orleans? Even though the powerful elite have the police and army on their side, less than 1% of the population of this country constitutes “law enforcement” and the military. We are the 99% and if we would wake up we could create a sea change.

Similarly, if you are upset with mundanes, violence is not the answer. Education can go a long way. For example, I am starting work on The Furry Book, which I intend to be a guide to the fandom for furries and nonfurries alike. I understand there’s another furry out there doing the same thing, which is fine. The more books the merrier :-) Even so, and even if such books help make people understand us more, there will always be some prejudice and misunderstanding.

That said, I must say this as well: compared to, oh, say, 400 years of slavery and another century and more of injustice that the black community has endured in this country, we certainly have nothing to complain about. Not to lightly dismiss the people injured, but a chlorine gas bomb and some people calling us furverts or retards or social rejects in no way compares to the incredible injustices perpetrated against minorities in this country. From African Americans, American Indians, Hispanics and Asians to women, the poor, and the LGBT community, U.S. history is a study in injustice slathered in a thick, sugary frosting of haughty self-righteousness and blind patriotism. Even so, incredibly, this is still one of the best countries to live in because we have, in many ways, improved over the centuries (although recently we’re seeing our progress take a step backward). The stability of this nation depends upon the wisdom of the Constitution, which must be vigorously defended. Our salvation rests on the hope that the populace will not remain apathetic to what is happening and that we will—hopefully soon—rise up against the current problems facing our nation, the most important of which is the division between a small, tyrannical, self-entitled, wealthy elite and the majority of our citizens.

The purpose of my digression here is to give you some perspective. The troubles of the furry fandom are minor, at best. By and large, acceptance of furries is growing. We have conventions all over the U.S. and the world, and mundanes are starting to see some economic advantages to this—and we all know that money talks. If you walk into a diner wearing a fursuit, you might hear some giggles, but the manager isn’t going to tell you he won’t serve you food, and there are no signs on bathroom doors or water fountains saying “no furries.”

I’m a bit puzzled, admittedly, by your apparent experience with hatred from the mundanes. I don’t know where you are going on the Internet to get such reactions, but I have not had such a negative experience myself. My experience has ranged from fascination and acceptance to, at worst, puzzlement, amusement, and indifference. No active hatred. I might suggest you take a look at the sources of this ire and develop a new strategy for how you interact with people on the Internet.

In closing, I disagree with your statement that the best defense is a strong offense, if you mean that the offense is designed to hurt other people. If, on the other hand, you mean a strong offense of education, love, and patience, I would concur.

As we close the book on 2014, let’s try to take a lesson from its pages. There is enough hatred in this world that we do not need to add to it. When we let other people’s actions harden are hearts and souls, when we allow them to make us fearful, bitter, or angry, then we have already lost the battle.

My wish to you and all my friends out there, furry and not, is that you find a way to fill your hearts with love. On the surface, that might sound naive and simplistic, but, actually, it is the most hard-won strategy of them all. A wise man once said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” Over 2,000 years later, most of us still need to learn that lesson.

Love you all. Happy New Year!

Papabear

9 Comments

What Can You Do When a Fursuit Maker Doesn't Deliver Your Commission?

12/14/2014

1 Comment

Dear Papabear,

First I ask that this not be published. Anyway, I'm in a situation that both bothers me and causes me to start to lose some confidence in the fandom. I will try to provide as much information as I can, so here it goes.

In July I attended my first ever convention: Anthrocon 2014. With me was, at the time, my non-furry friend, who has, since attending AC, joined the fandom. While there we talked about getting fursuits together and attending Anthrocon every year that we can, which excited me greatly. I have always wanted a fursuit. Just the idea of bringing my fursona to life and making people smile as him makes me happy. So upon returning home I started my search for a fursuit maker. I researched, I priced, I was careful. I found a maker on Furaffinity; I researched her, found no bad comments about her, saw a couple suits she made, and so I proceeded to contact her and commissioned her to build me a partial,

She charged me $600, which I paid in full upon her request for me to do so. She gave me the completion date of September. I tried to keep in contact with her, which proved difficult every time. And when I did finally did get in contact with her I got an excuse why she wasn't providing pictures of the progress and was told that the completion changed to October.

I figured, okay, things happen, it's life. Then again, hard to get a hold of her, and again every time I did, excuses why I wasn't receiving photos of the progress, and again time change to November, and, yes, same thing again.

Now it's December and I have tried to be in contact with her and have not heard from her in over a month. I'm not sure how I should proceed as, honestly, this was my first-ever commission. I've never even commissioned art, and I am afraid if what has happened has truly happened I may never trust to commission again. So my question on this: am I wrong in thinking that I have been scammed? Should I cut my losses? And is there anything I should be doing that I'm not?

Thank you in advance,

Frustrated

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Dear Frustrated,

Please do not “lose confidence in the fandom” because of the actions of one slow fursuit maker. One should never condemn an entire group of people because of one or two bad eggs.

That said, and although I have written on this topic before, this is a good opportunity to talk once again about contracts, verbal contracts, and your legal rights.

One of the things that has long frustrated this bear about furry businesses is that furries who sell goods don’t seem, for the most part, to understand a damn thing about business—whether you are a business owner or a client. I chalk this up to the culture of informality in the fandom. That is, we have established a chummy community within the fandom in which we believe—often falsely—that fellow furries will treat us fairly because they are part of one big happy family. Therefore, we do not take precautions when it comes to business.

There once was a time when “a man’s handshake was as good as his word” (or pawshake, in this context). That’s no longer true, whether in the mundane or in the furry world. I have to use two paws to count the number of times my mate has been f***ed over by business people who did not honor their verbal agreements.

I’ve encountered some of this myself (not with my fursuit maker, Beastcub, who is super-pawsome and worked very closely with me to deliver an outstanding result), but with a certain artist who took over two years to complete a commission I had wanted for a Christmas gift (hence, timeliness was important). While he eventually did get around to it, I will never commission him again.

And that is one thing many artists in the fandom don’t seem to get: if you mistreat customers, eventually the word-of-mouth will bite you in the butt. It’s bad for business.

In hindsight (too late for you right now, but perhaps helpful in the future), you should always get a written agreement with an artist or fursuit maker. If they refuse to agree to one, tell them “no thanks” and find someone else. Secondly, never never never pay 100% for the commission up front. The artist I work with for this site, Dan the Bear, for example, never demands I pay him until I am satisfied with the result and he has delivered it to me.

With fursuit makers, because they have to buy materials for your fursuit, the proper thing to do is treat them like a contractor working on your house. When I have a carpenter or plumber or electrician doing work, I pay him or her for all the supplies they need as soon as we agree on what’s to be done. Then, when they are done with the job, I pay for labor. The same should be true for any respectable fursuit maker. Get an invoice from them for the materials they need and pay for those. Then, when the finish, give them the rest. You could also pay in “milestones.” That is (and this can work for larger projects), pay for completion of certain steps. For instance, pay 25% for when the head is completed, another 25% for the body, and then the balance when it is all done.

The fact that the fursuit maker in your case refused to show you photos makes her, indeed, suspect. It might be that she was once reliable (as online evidence seemed to indicate), but people can go from good to bad sometimes.

Okay, so what to do from this point? Well, you don’t have a contract, but what Papabear is hoping and praying for is that you saved your email and any other correspondence with her. These are considered legal evidence of an agreement—especially if you have emails from her saying, yes, she received the $600 (or some other evidence, such as a PayPal receipt) and, yes, she was going to complete it by such and such a date.

While written contracts are best, verbal contracts are still considered enforceable. Gather up these emails, and if you have witnesses, get them on your side, too. With those on your side, contact the fursuit maker and tell her that you are unhappy with her lack of progress and want a refund immediately. If she refuses, tell her that you have email evidence that she received your money and agreed to make the fursuit, and if she still refuses tell her that she leaves you no choice but to take legal action—that is, you will take her to small claims court (tips on how: http://www.peopleslawyer.net/legal-topics/small-claims-court.html). Here’s some info to know if the person you are suing is in another state: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/small-claims-book/chapter9-2.html.

Another thing she might do is ask for another extension. If so, and you feel kind and generous, that is up to you to accept. BUT! If you do accept it, this time get a written contract that includes a date of delivery and a description of what, exactly, is to be delivered to you in satisfactory condition. Also include a clause saying you have a right to refuse the work if you consider the quality unacceptable (e.g., she hands you a wad of fabric with two eyes glued to it).

Don’t threaten to bad mouth her on furry forums. You can actually get into legal trouble yourself sometimes when you do that (she might accuse you of slander). But do tell her in no uncertain terms what you expect from her and when.

You’re in an unenviable place right now, but with some work—and if you stick to your guns—you can get this straightened out and, hopefully, learn from the experience.

Good luck!

Papabear

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Dear Papabear,

Thank you for your advice. I will take it to heart and act upon it. I do have the emails and PayPal receipts. Update on the situation: this morning, after I emailed her twice in a week about needing to speak with her, I reviewed an email from her with only three words: "my laptop broke." And this upset me a great deal, so I am definitely going to be requesting a refund and searching for a new maker. And again thank you for the advice.

1 Comment

Using Other People's Art, and Dress Codes in School and Public Places

8/26/2014

1 Comment

Hello, Papa Bear.

I'm impressed that someone from this subculture has taken up such a supportive role in the community.

My question is one of public display of our art, and of my own appearance. Firstly, in the legality of the matter, and secondly, one of tact.

Firstly, I carry a notebook with print-outs of art from certain furry artists I'm fond of, in the covers. These are not commissions, just works I've liked that I display on printer or photo paper. Call it a bit of security blanket.

While I'm not distributing these images, or doing anything deliberately criminal, I'm a little nervous about representing myself as a furry with other people's art. However, I have a bad past with art, and never learned to draw, myself. I'm not trying to be an art thief, and I understand that's a problem in the community. Is what I'm doing ... okay?

Secondly, I am experimenting in theater makeup, and am deliberating on a drag-analogy to fursuiting (latex prosthetics/makeup, with regular human clothing).

My question, if you can answer, would be; is this something I can do on a casual basis, without repercussions from school authority, for being disruptive? What about wearing such disguises in a public place (Wal-Mart, Gas Stations, Drive-Thru's, etc.)?

KimonoBoxFox (age 27, North Carolina)

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Hi, Kimono,

Please note that I do ask people to limit their letters to one question. However, I’ll make this fairly brief to save time.

First answer: It’s fine what you’re doing with the art. As long as you’re not representing the art as your own, and as long as you are not selling it or otherwise profiting from it, you’re okay legally. Even better if you make sure the artists’ names are clearly seen on the art. So, don’t worry about it. But, if you really wish to ease your mind, write to the artists and ask if it’s okay. They’ll probably say it is, given the circumstances, and it is very common for furries to print out art by their favorite artists, or to display it on their computers.

Second answer: You would have to check with your school about dress codes, but I highly doubt such fashion would be smiled upon by your school administrators. As for other public places, especially given that you’re in North Carolina, a rather conservative part of the country, I would be careful. It wouldn’t be illegal (as long as your face is not covered), but I think you would get a lot of disapproving looks; you might even get beat up. Although, not sure about Walmart, since I’ve seen pictures of some awfully funky outfits there. Try Walmart first LOL.

But, seriously, in your state of North Carolina, anti-mask laws were developed as a reaction to the KKK. However, they are still on the books and have been used in other cases. The laws state:

§14-12.7. Wearing of masks, hoods, etc., on public ways.
No person or persons at least 16 years of age shall, while wearing any mask, hood or device whereby the person, face or voice is disguised so as to conceal the identity of the wearer, enter, be or appear upon any lane, walkway, alley, street, road, highway or other public way in this State. (1953, c. 1193, s. 6; 1983, c. 175, ss. 1, 10; c. 720, s. 4.)

§14-12.8. Wearing of masks, hoods, etc., on public property.
No person or persons shall in this State, while wearing any mask, hood or device whereby the person, face or voice is disguised so as to conceal the identity of the wearer, enter, or appear upon or within the public property of any municipality or county of the State, or of the State of North Carolina. (1953, c. 1193, s. 7.)

So be cautious in this area. And, again, you get a lot of derps out there just looking for an excuse to beat up people who are “different,” so don’t set yourself up for such a possibility unless you are well-prepared to defend yourself.

Hugs,

Papabear

1 Comment