Dear Papa Bear,
You once wrote that you liked getting questions about you, so here's one I've been wondering about for a while. What motivated you to start this column and this website? Peace and bright blessings, Stilghar * * * Hi, Stilghar, Oh, gosh, that sounds egotistical of me, doesn't it? I think I meant that I liked getting different kinds of questions, hee hee. So, what motivates me? As I got more and more involved in the fandom, I found that many furries are quite troubled for one reason or another, and furs I met online kept asking me for advice because I'm a greymuzzle, I suppose, and have been around the block a few times. This happened so often that I thought an advice column would be worthwhile. So, I contacted the FurryNewsNetwork and asked if they would be interested in a furry advice column. The editor was very kind and accepted the suggestion. For a couple months, my column started there, and, actually, you can still contact me through the FNN at http://www.furrynewsnetwork.com/interact/papabear/. I started getting so many letters that the weekly (or biweekly, I forget which) column couldn't keep up. I was having a backlog! Therefore, I started my own Website and told FNN they could reprint any articles they liked on their site. Of course, I do this for the huge amount of money it makes me, which allows me to live a life of luxury here in southern California. NOT! My advice, as you all know, is free, and I even encourage people to reprint my articles or share them, if they like. I haven't made a dime and, in fact, have spent hundreds of dollars in advertising and web hosting fees. So, it is not for the money that I do this. Why DO I do it? Because I believe that I am a member of the furry community, and I believe that this is my extended family and I should do my part to help others as some of my furiends have helped me. I strongly feel that the world is a better place when people help each other rather than pursue only their own selfish goals. This is also the philosophy behind the upcoming American Furry Association, which I hope will be up and running by next year. Hope that answers your question, Stilghar! Papabear
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Dear Readers,
2012 was an eventful year for yours truly. As I settled into living in the Coachella Valley in California, I juggled owning a home back in Michigan while renting an apartment. It was an expensive and emotionally grueling experience, but I finally have my new home in Cathedral City and have closed the sale of both houses. In addition to making that major move, I started this column in mid May and have answered over 200 letters and have had over 55,000 visitors! Thank you for visiting my site and thank you for not only your questions but also your compliments. I will continue writing the column as long as I keep getting visitors. Oh! And I will also be giving a forum at FurtherConfusion (January 17-21, 2013), so stop in and say "Hi!" Also coming in 2013: the beginning of the American Furry Association! This nonprofit group will be all about supporting furry arts, businesses, and education. We've had some delays because, well, mostly because of me because I was so busy with the house situation, but I know we will be making strides in the future. A Web page is coming soon. I hope you all had a great holiday season and New Year's Day. Keep those letters coming! Hugs, Papabear By now I'm sure all of you have heard about the 20-year-old man who took his mother's high-powered assault gun, killing her, and then going to an elementary school in Newton, CT, and killing 20 little kids and several adults.
Pundits and talking heads on TV, radio, and the Internet, and the president himself, have noted that this goes on far too often in this country. We keep asking about the solution and the cause. I may be oversimplifying things, but I would propose two things be done right away. 1) The shooters in all the cases that have come about this and other years were all emotionally or mentally disturbed. Our "wise" government has repeatedly chosen to cut mental health care and counseling services, leaving these people with nowhere to turn for much-needed help. The result is that we now have more people who are not in their right minds wandering the streets and committing crimes, hurting themselves and others, winding up in already-crowded prisons or in hospitals. Let us restore funding for these services to what they were back in the 1980s and before. 2) Guns. The U.S. Constitution provides rights for us to bear arms "in a well-regulated militia." This is to protect ourselves from the possibility of hostile attacks where no immediate government help was available (back then, I think they were thinking of native attacks or possibly British invasions on unprotected territories) and against our own government should it become despotic (almost there, by the way). Also, the Founding Fathers would never have conceived of the advanced weaponry we have these days that is capable of shooting hundreds of rounds per minute. They had muskets. The solution is not to take weapons out of citizens' hands. The solution is to regulate weapons better. Why did this shooter's mom own military-style guns? Adam Lanza had tried to buy a rifle at a sporting goods store but was turned away, so he just stole his mom's gun, which became the weapon that killed her. While the law prevented Adam from getting a gun himself, a law should be in place where entire households should not have guns should one or more family members not be eligible to possess one themselves. In other words, to get a gun license, every occupant of the household must also qualify, even if they do not plan to use the weapon. Private citizens should not possess guns that even police officers don't go near. Single-shot rifles for hunting and possibly home defense should be enough. Australia is one country that bans automatic weapons from being privately owned. When was the last time you heard of a mass-shooting in Australia? That's right, never. A Congresswoman recently made a good point: she noted we regulate things like food and cigarettes and liquor for the protection of citizens. Why don't we do the same for guns? Adam Lanza was not even old enough to legally drink, yet he could get his hands on a weapon a terrorist would enjoy. You cannot protect the world from itself, but our "leaders" need to screw their heads on straight and realize that the "right to bear arms" is not a blank check to do whatever we want with them. They assumed we would be wise enough to put some regulations on gun ownership. Guess they were wrong. We have a lot of dead, innocent kids on our hands now. It's not just Adam's fault or his mom's fault. It is the fault of a society that is crazy for guns, that glamorizes violence, and that refuses to help those in need and stigmatizes them as "moochers." Papabear An Editorial from One of Papabear's Faithful Readers
The furry community means a lot to me. It always has growing up, even when I didn't know what it was called or who I was. The furry community has helped me more than once, and in more than one way. It means a lot to me, and I don't know what I would do without it. Without it, I think, I would go back to that endless loop of being "Oh yeah, I'm legit 100% alien attention whore with no life pretending to be something I'm not." To my new, real me. Expressive, and who I [am] really deep down. Not only have I found myself, but so has my mate, and I've made many friends, more than I would in school or in other places. People who are more understanding, and accepting, who try to listen to you and you can listen to them. Yes, there is a bad side to the community where people earn us the bad looks and thoughts, but if you look past all of those sick popufurs, there's people in here, like Papa Bear, who care and stop to help not only you, but others in need of help, no matter what. Regardless of how many people who come and try to argue, push you down, you have other fellow furries who will help you back up, will drop everything to try to help. And you would do the same for them. Not only me, but other people I know try to help the newcomers, the ones who need help figuring what it's really like to be a furry and who to be friends with when it comes to the big overview. The importance of it all, if you don't have to be in the closet, you don't have to hide who you are. All simply you have to do is be yourself. And you have people who are here and will support you. And will as long as you do to them. People are kind here, where people give out free art, and show people new things, help them in this long and winding road of life. We do not choose who we are, but we choose to show it or not. And here, in the Furry Community, you can do that and not be judged. And when you are here, you can brush those unaccepting people away, because you know you have people here that stand side to side with you. You learn new things every day, and you can come and help cheer people up when they're down in the dumps. Just being nice gives them a smile, where they can express how they feel, blow off the steam when they need the feel to rant, and people will take their time to stop, and out themselves in your shoes, and smell the flowers. They listen when you try to explain, and everyone works as a family. We are all one big family. One Big happy family. --Eyon As some of my readers know, Papabear is working, along with several furiends, to launch the American Furry Association. Recently, a story about the AFA was posted on Flayrah. There were many negative comments about the idea of the AFA posted after the article, including some personal attacks on me basically calling me incompetent. At first, I responded to the attacks, but that was a mistake because it just resulted in more hateful responses, so I withdrew them from the comments board.
This was not my first negative experience with the fandom. When I first started this column, it was noticed by the hosts of FurCast, who quickly began mocking me and my efforts. I called into the show and they apologized, but I had to wonder, still, why furries (and humans in general, let's face it) feel a need to hurt people, especially people who are trying to do some good in the world? I think people are questioning my motivation. I suspect that people are just thinking that I'm out to get attention and to be a popufur. Let me tell you all, then, why I do this. When I was a cub, I was very much the outcast. People made fun of me all the time and I had few friends. It got so bad that, when I was a freshman in college, I felt so discouraged and alone that I bought four bottles of sleeping pills, swallowed them all, and went to bed, fully intending to die. Fortunately for me, I overdid the dose so much that my body rejected all the medication. I vomited heavily in my sleep so hard I woke up a roommate who quickly took me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. I spent many years after that trying to come around and be positive again about life. Then, when I turned 40, I came to the late realization that I was gay. I struggled with this for some time until I finally confessed to my then-wife, which led to my divorce. It has been nearly three years since my divorce, and I am still struggling with it. In both cases I felt very alone and in pain. My mother was very angry with me for a long time for my suicide attempt. Many people wouldn't talk to me. Later, when I discovered I was gay, I experienced the strange sensation of going from a majority in this country (white, straight, Christian) to a minority (gay, well still white LOL, but pagan). I have questioned everything about my life, including God. I am now 47, and I am just now beginning to feel like my life is getting under control again, but it has been a very lonely road in many cases. In the fandom, I have made some very good friends. I find furries, for the most part, to be good people who have extended their paws to me and given me a hug. When a number of the younger furries began asking my advice, I thought that maybe my experiences and what I have learned could help them. I talked to them online, and, eventually, I started "Ask Papabear." My only motivation is to help furries who are in pain and share with them what I have learned from my own pain so that they don't feel alone as I did. Let me please emphasize here that I make NO money on the column, I do not EVER charge for my advice. Indeed, because I spend money advertising, this is COSTING me money. The idea for selling some Papabear items was to recover some of my advertising costs, but no one is buying them, so it doesn't matter. I also started seeking other ways I could help. I had a number of ideas, such as starting my own furcon and starting a furry arts school, but after exploring the idea I concluded they really wouldn't work for one reason or another (people are criticizing me for "not following through" with these plans, but why would I want to spend money on an idea that was not viable?) But then I had the idea for the AFA, which is a nonprofit to help other furries. I am still working on this idea, hoping to get it launched next year, but I am optimistic. The AFA, too, is not something I make money on. I have paid over $200 in fees of my own money so far and anticipate paying upwards of another $900 of my own cash before it is up and running. The reason for the AFA is the same as my column: I want to help. It hurts me deeply that so many furries out there seem threatened by a project that is so well meaning, but I guess that is just the way of the world. I want you all to know that I am going to proceed, with help, on my goal of forming a national furry organization. There will always be detractors, there will always be people who will question me and think, for some bizarre reason I cannot comprehend, that I am out to do some sort of evil upon the furry world. That really does hurt my feelings. I guess some people just like hurting others. But it will not break my resolve to help the good furries out there who want it. It is my hope that at least some of you will understand what I am trying to do. Love you, Papabear |
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A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
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