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IMPORTANT NOTICE (February 14, 2020):
So many writers have asked me to not publish their letters that the result has been no content on this website. This rather defeats the purpose of this column, which is not only to help those who write to me but also those who read the column. Therefore, from this date forward, there will no longer be an option not to publish. If you submit a letter, you are agreeing to let me put it on this site. No exceptions. I am happy to publish your letter anonymously, not naming names, places, etc., but that's it. Thank you for your understanding. 2020 Good Furry Award
Nominations are now being accepted for the 2020 Good Furry Award! Go here to check out the rules and nominate a deserving furry! Latest Letter (February 26, 2020)Dear Papabear,
Where can I find myself a mate that is a furry and is around my age? I broke up with my boyfriend months ago and I've been craving to have another mate ever since. I feel so alone at times without a mate. I can't stand it. Codes the Fox (Illinois, age 16) [and] I just joined a furry online community and I don’t know where to start. I wonder if you have any tips on how to make friends. This website is all local furries in my state, and I have a few friends who don’t mind furries but I want to make friends who are in the fandom. Can you help? Sahara Fox (age 15) * * * Dear Codes and Sahara, I grouped your two letters together as they are related, so I might as well answer you both with one reply. There are two ways to meet furries your age: 1) in person, and 2) virtually. In person means getting together with people at furcons and furmeets, or, sometimes, on a one-on-one basis, but that last one is more typical after you’ve already met them at a social function. Now, Codes, you are in Illinois, which means you are not too far from the biggest con currently running in the United States: Midwest Furfest in Rosemont just outside of Chicago. You might also be interested in Indy Furcon in Indianapolis. Sahara, you didn’t tell me whereabouts you live, so you might check out FurryCons.com, which is a great way of finding conventions that are active near you. If you are looking for something smaller than a convention, then we’re talking about furmeets. There are a couple ways to find meets. One is the website MeetUp.com. Go to the website, set up a free account, and search on subjects of interest. For example, you can type in “Illinois furries” and see what comes up. If you don’t find a group near you, you might make bold and start your own furgroup! Also, at your age, when you are still in high school, you might even locate some furries at school. There used to be a great site called FurryMap that posted locations of furries all over the world, but, unfortunately, it recently ceased operation. You might also check out cosplay, sci-fi, anime, manga, animation, comic books, and fantasy groups as members of those groups sometimes are also furries. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Amino sites offer lots of furgroups to join and make friends on. Amino has several specific groups; for example, I am on the Bear Furries Amino group. Facebook also has a lot of specialized furry groups, such as furries who like gaming, Christian furries, furry bara groups, furries who are car or train enthusiasts, and so on. Search social media but narrow your focus not just to furries but to furries who share some of your special interests. Then join discussion groups and chat up the members there. If you do that, you are bound to make some connections with people with whom you have things in common. Once you have made contact with some people like yourself, the best way to make friends is to make sure it is a two-way street. Show an interest in their lives and don’t just make it about yourself. If you are looking for more than just friends but mates, my advice is to always start with a good friend and, if the chemistry is right, that friend will become a wonderful mate. Don’t plunge into a relationship with sex and matehood expectations. That usually ends in disaster as one discovers that the person you had some great sex with turns out to be an unpleasant person as a companion. Friends first, then mate. Good luck! Papabear |
Writing for The Furry Book (see below) continues. This is a much more massive project than I thought. Sorry for the delays. The deaths of my husband and mother delayed it, too. But I'm workin' on it!
 The Furry Book will be a guide to the fandom for audiences including new furries, experienced furries, family and friends of furries, the media, and the furry curious.
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