(Latest letter, January 31, 2015)

Dear papa bear,

I am a natural-born female, but I identify as genderfluid (this means at times I'll feel female but at other times I feel like I'm a male—and should have been born one). This took some time to figure out. Now my question: As a female I'm bisexual, but as a male I'm gay. I'm open to finding a mate of either gender, but I find it a bit difficult to explain to them how I am. Keep in mind my mental gender changes time to time, day to day, but my physical gender will not be changed. How could I explain something like this to them without seeming like a person who can't pick a gender or sexuality? 

This took me years to figure out about myself; it’s just explaining it to others because it would be great to find a mate (that, though, is something I'm working on myself =^^=)

Thank you,

Sparkplug the Fox

* * *

Dear Sparkplug,

What’s wrong with explaining it to them the way you just explained it to me in this column? Sparkplug, you have spent literally years thinking about this and coming to conclusions about what genderfluid is and what it means to you. That makes you eminently more qualified than Papabear to explain what genderfluid is, and I think you’ve done a fine job of succinctly defining it right here.

Your problem isn’t that you don’t know how to explain genderfluidity (not sure even if that is the right word), it’s getting up the courage to talk about it in front of someone you like and might be interested in as a love interest. And the way to do that is to not apologize for who you are. And if questions are asked about that, explain how you feel honestly and bluntly. If someone can’t or won’t understand who you are, it is their problem, not yours. Never compromise yourself to try to please others for the sake of a relationship, because that will land you in a dishonest relationship.

One glorious day you will run into someone who loves you for you. When that happens, grab onto them and hold tight.

Wishing You Love,

Papabear

Illustrations on "Ask Papabear" are by Dan the Bear. Check out this talented illustrator on FurAffinity or send him an email.