Papabear,
Since I have had time to ponder over various experiences with other furs in the furrydom, I found something quite unique about the sub-interest in the fandom. When it comes to fetishes, I notice many of the popular fetishes are okay and acceptable except for foot fetishes get mentioned....Just mentioned, thought of, commented about, etc. As soon as the idea of a thought about it gets into the air, the big "EEEEEEUWWWW" and a scattering furs away from the one or two furs just barely commenting lightly about the thought or idea of having a passive interest on feet. I noticed, when I compliment on a nice fursuit, and mention anything about the feet, somehow, I get this "WHY ABOUT THE FEET" look back at me, as if I slammed the whole con or furmeet into oblivion. It's just a compliment on the whole suit, and the compliment on the feet seems appropriate to me, because they do compliment the suit(s) nicely. Glad the extra effort was made to really make the suit awesome and complete. I am aware a lot is done with and in suits when there's private costume play of sorts, but what is it about feet that makes furs cringe to unmentionable levels like they're being stabbed in the heart? Makes it much harder to find others into feet, because after reactions like that, you become too gun shy to want to keep reaching out for maybe another with similar sub-interest in the fandom. Maybe you can enlighten me some more on this subject Papabear. --Paw * * * Hi, Paw, I guess this will serve as a follow-up to the recent letter http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/12/mates-foot-fetish-has-boyfriend-bewildered.html on the subject. I, too, am a little baffled by the reaction you are getting. There is nothing gross to go “Ewwww” about concerning feet, unless you are very unhygienic about your feet. Perhaps the furries who go “Yuck” have bad foot care? It is interesting they react this way, because there are other things furries seem to like a lot that are MUCH more germy and unsanitary. For example, oral sex is extremely unhygienic (the mouth contains literally billions of germs). And then, of course, there is both heterosexual, conventional sex and anal sex. We’re talking big time germs and the potential for very nasty diseases. Given a choice between playing around with feet and doing something sexually, feet are almost infinitely cleaner and less disgusting. Papabear personally finds furry feet very adorable. And I agree with you that fursuit feet, when done well, can be extremely cute. Drawings of furry characters showing their footiepaws? Also cute. Perhaps if you set about educating furries about why you find feet cute and then give them foot massages, they might change their minds? I mean, who doesn’t like a good footpaw rub? Sorry I can’t help more on this. Perhaps my readers would like to chime in, especially those who run the other way at the mention of feet, and explain the revulsion? At any rate, Paw, if you wish to join a community that likes feet the same way you do, you can easily find them online, on Facebook, and other sites. You might try that. If you are a member of Furry4Life, they have a group there you can join: http://furry4life.org/group/furryfeettickling. You might like that :-3 Hugs and Paw Rubs, Papabear
6 Comments
Dear Papa Bear,
I've been a furry for about three years now. I do the works... Conventions, art, FurAffinity, forums. But in three years, I guess I haven't quite found what I'm looking for. I can't seem to get that grasp, that little trinket of furry affections. I have no furry friends. I am truly not sure what I am doing wrong. I work to be rational, accepting, and kind. I am honest to people and I'm always willing to listen and give advice to a problem. I had issues making friends as a kid, but I've grown and high school has allowed me a good number of choice friends.... What is it about me that makes me slightly unfavorable to furries? People aren't mean to me, but on the forums, Facebook pages, and everything I have joined I feel like an outlier. I comment and I joke and people don't seem to have an issue with my company... yet I never get that friend request or that helpful message. Could I be approaching this the wrong way? It almost feels like I've tried everything... From standing on the edge, to lightly inputting into conversation, to starting conversations, even sometimes almost invading other people's space, something I DON'T want to do! What now? Am I being too scientific about this? Could it be the social aspect of this community just isn't for me? Dracorex, * * * Hi, Dracorex, It’s difficult for me to see what you are doing wrong just by what you have written here. Other than furcons, it seems much of your activity has been online. Also, conventions are difficult places to make friends because they can be so big and overwhelming. Furries, like everyone else in society, tend to form cliques and small social groups that can be difficult to penetrate at times. I remember when I was first invited to a PS party how completely outside I felt. Everyone already had their established social circles and when I said “Hi” to someone, they were polite, but I didn’t feel like I was making friends. Part of this, too, is that many furries are extremely shy. They feel more comfortable when they are among a tight-knit, small group of friends, in many cases (not the rule, but a trend I have noticed). So, what you need to do is try and get into one of these smaller circles of friends. You can do this online and IRL. Online, try to find a small group that specializes in a hobby or interest of yours that is not really broad: don’t join an animated film lovers group because there will be too many of them; do join a group that specializes in, say, “Wiccans who love herb gardening” (as an example). On the real-life level, find a furmeet group in your area or a small social group. For instance, recently I was talking with a furiend of mine in Michigan who is new to the fandom. He didn’t have a clue how to get involved, so I asked him if he knew any furries in his area. Turns out he knew that several students at his high school had formed a furry group, so I encouraged him to introduce himself. He did so and was astonished how quickly he made new friends. My guess, then, is that you have cast your net out too broadly over the ocean and scared the fish away. Try, instead, a rod and reel and fish for smaller game near your boat. Start small, and work your way up as you go. And if you want to chat with a friendly bear, friend me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/grubbsgrizzly. Hugs, Papabear Latest Letter (January 3, 2013)
Dear Papabear, I am a bisexual left-wing atheist who was raised by conservative Christians. My father says that I'm old enough (I'm 17) to make my own choices when it comes to these things. However, I still feel a great deal of pressure to conform to their agenda. I kind of suffer from an inferiority complex, so I still feel like I'm under pressure even though I am old enough to believe what I want. My question is, how do I establish my beliefs with them with confidence? Also, how do I do it without hurting them? Sincerely, Steve. * * * Dear Steve, That’s a tough question, and I respect the fact that you are taking your parents’ feelings into consideration on this matter. That shows great maturity. When you respect others, like your parents, the core of that respect is honesty. Your parents sound like good people who have raised a son who is considerate and caring. You need to be honest with them about your feelings, and the best way to do that is to be straightforward about it. Sit down and talk to them about faith and religion. When you do so, do so in a respectful way by not criticizing or demeaning their conservative, Christian beliefs. Tell them that you have been reflecting on your beliefs long and hard, and while you respect what they believe in, you simply don’t feel the same way. You have a right to your beliefs, and that is something that you must accept, too. Your beliefs are what work for you, and are in no way inferior to theirs. Now, you are going to have to anticipate that your parents will be upset. Naturally, they want their son to believe as they do. Hopefully, they won’t think you’re going to Hell because you don’t think like the same way. Papabear believes there is more than one path to God (or Nirvana or Gaia or the Great Spirit etc. etc.); I believe that God reveals Himself in many ways to us and that he does so so that we can better comprehend what He is trying to say by talking to us in our own language, so to speak. BUT, you say you are an atheist. That is actually a broad term. Atheists vary in a lot of their beliefs. They do not believe in God (or gods) by definition, but that doesn’t mean some don’t believe in some kind of spiritual world. It depends. Some atheists are all about pure science, proving the hypothesis, showing the physical evidence; others are a bit more spiritual than that and feel that not everything can be proven by the experimental method. Children often rebel against their parents’ beliefs. I kind of go halfway on that one, my father was a Southern Baptist and my mother an agnostic. I ended up pursuing pagan spiritualism. It is very natural for young people to go off and explore their own path. Some continue on that journey throughout their lives, while others end up returning to the fold, deciding that their families were right after all. There is not telling at this stage in your life where you will end up. Tell your parents that you are taking their advice and trying to make your own choices. Tell them you don’t know what you will end up believing in the end, but that you need to explore what is out there for yourself at this time in your life, again, reiterating that you have great respect for their faith and that this is in no way meaning any disrespect toward them. Papabear is proud of you for thinking independently and not just being a clone of your parents while still being considerate of them and respecting them. While what you are about to tell them won’t be easy, I believe that love will trump religious prejudice and win in your case. Good luck! Papabear Happy New Year! Dear Readers, 2012 was an eventful year for yours truly. As I settled into living in the Coachella Valley in California, I juggled owning a home back in Michigan while renting an apartment. It was an expensive and emotionally grueling experience, but I finally have my new home in Cathedral City and have closed the sale of both houses. In addition to making that major move, I started this column in mid May and have answered over 200 letters and have had over 55,000 visitors! Thank you for visiting my site and thank you for not only your questions but also your compliments. I will continue writing the column as long as I keep getting visitors. Oh! And I will also be giving a forum at FurtherConfusion (January 17-21, 2013), so stop in and say "Hi!" Also coming in 2013: the beginning of the American Furry Association! This nonprofit group will be all about supporting furry arts, businesses, and education. We've had some delays because, well, mostly because of me because I was so busy with the house situation, but I know we will be making strides in the future. A Web page is coming soon. I hope you all had a great holiday season and New Year's Day. Keep those letters coming! Hugs, Papabear Dear Readers,
2012 was an eventful year for yours truly. As I settled into living in the Coachella Valley in California, I juggled owning a home back in Michigan while renting an apartment. It was an expensive and emotionally grueling experience, but I finally have my new home in Cathedral City and have closed the sale of both houses. In addition to making that major move, I started this column in mid May and have answered over 200 letters and have had over 55,000 visitors! Thank you for visiting my site and thank you for not only your questions but also your compliments. I will continue writing the column as long as I keep getting visitors. Oh! And I will also be giving a forum at FurtherConfusion (January 17-21, 2013), so stop in and say "Hi!" Also coming in 2013: the beginning of the American Furry Association! This nonprofit group will be all about supporting furry arts, businesses, and education. We've had some delays because, well, mostly because of me because I was so busy with the house situation, but I know we will be making strides in the future. A Web page is coming soon. I hope you all had a great holiday season and New Year's Day. Keep those letters coming! Hugs, Papabear |
Categories
All
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
|