Tunisian Furry Desperately Seeks Connection

Dear Papabear,

I know you wouldn't ask for the story of my life before you see my question, but I want to tell you the reason why I am here right now feeling sad on my bed, trying not to sob, and I haven't revised anything for my test tomorrow at college. OK, so I was like that kid who was considered, ahem ahem, "gifted," and I was taking excellent marks, and of course those excellent marks were brought about by staying at home and doing nothing but studying, so I didn't meet anyone outside and didn't have Friends.

At the age of 13, I thought to myself: "Should I really get married, or, have a relationship with a girl?" So, I was going in the route of realizing that I might be ace (mind you, I didn't hear about the LGBT community yet). 

But then one day everything changed. It was 2021, and I was 15 on YouTube watching those animated stories like Jaiden Animations and such. And then one YouTube recommendation came in. It was like an edit, but for a furry bara character. I don't remember who it was.

But then I went to the channel, found some videos of the same thing, and then I went to the community posts section. And one of those posts had a Pornhub link. And here we are, a 15-year-old boy from Tunisia, at 2 am, watching videos on Pornhub about characters from Tokyo Afterschool Summoners f*cking each other.

And that's how I knew about both the gay and the furry communities; and then I started searching more things about it on YouTube and Google Chrome, from videos, to drawings, to comics, with the latter being the reason on why I am very good at English compared to my other classmates. I was addicted to gay yiff comics so much; I must have read thousands of them. And then the content on YouTube changed to furries and the LGBTQ community, and those niche games surrounding about it. And here we are.

It is so weird how I literally went directly into watching gay furry porn. Not even straight or even gay porn. Like, literally, gay yiff. That's like skipping the tutorial, the cut scenes, and all the missions, and directly going to the final boss. OK, I know that I am totally very thrilled to ask someone sane enough to comprehend my situation because, basically, I really hate how my life is looking like right now.

First thing first: I need to say that I am a gay furry (hehe--who knew) who lives in a place that is, well, to not say a lot of bad things, I'll just mention about how it's hard to be gay here. I have never come out, and I say that literally with how I'm witnessing people here reacting to coming-outs and shaming the people who are queer in this community, let alone my religious family. Then what would happen if I told them that I'm a furry?

Also, my place here has nothing like the western world: there are furcons, furmeets, fursuits, basically anything in which someone new who joins the fandom can have the opportunity to explore and discover themself. Meanwhile, since this country is like a desert, there are neither furcons, nor furmeets, nor furries (for now), nor anything totally. I hate being that person, but I am jealous with the situation there in America.

I hate the way I am feeling with myself and how I question myself if my current identity is really who I am. I don't know if staying closeted sounds healthy to me. I would be totally happy if I could immigrate from here to somewhere else (in a sensible and reasonable way; I don't want to find myself struggling to swim in the middle of the ocean because my boat got drowned), so I can be who I really am. I hate looking at videos of people having fun while I'm sitting here helpless with no experience in kissing men at all.

I have a friend online whom I consider my best friend, and when I asked him for advice, he told me that you can see what the internet says. But I wasn't sure, to be honest. And another guy suggested using ChatGPT, since it saves a lot of time and work, and for me I wouldn't even touch that thing since it can say some wrong things, adding to the fact that it is unethical right now to use that tool. And now, while I was searching about a website that shows me locations of furries all over the world, I found your website, and I am very glad to find such a nice, intelligent, sane person is on the internet whom I can vent to and ask politely to give me some advice from his experience as a greymuzzle.

So please, for the love of Anubis, what would you do if you were my place in order to find my people and my happiness?

Sincerely,
Adem (age 20, Tunisia)

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Dear Adem,

Being a citizen of any Muslim country is difficult if you are LGBTQ or furry or pretty much anything that is not conforming to Muslim society standards, as you know. When it comes to Arab countries, Tunisia is, surprisingly, ranked as one of the more "liberal" in terms of the law, along with Lebanon and Jordan. If it weren't for the fact that Lebanon is being bombed by Israel right now, I might recommend you move there as that country is quite relaxed on social laws, relatively speaking. But, since you speak English, you have other opportunities. One excellent choice might be Canada, for example. Or perhaps Australia. 

I'm not sure how possible it is for you to migrate, but I can say for certain that if you remain in Tunisia you will have to stay in the closet. If you don't, you will just be in for a lot of grief ranging from family disapproval all the way up to possible arrest and imprisonment. So, please do not come out to people in your native land. I know that stinks, but it is the sad reality.

One thing I can do, though, is point you to some help. It is very difficult to be facing your situation all alone, but there are two organizations in Tunisia that you can contact to get some support: Association Shams advocates for sexual minority rights in Tunisia and can be contacted on Instagram at @shamsassociation; the other is called Mawjoudin and is also an advocacy group for LGBTQ people in Tunisia.

There is a little good news in Tunisia when it comes to your rights in that there is a growing political movement to repeal Article 230, the provision in Tunisian law that makes homosexuality illegal. Surveys in your country also show that 18% of the people support decriminalizing homosexuality. It's a start, but it will take a long time to grow that minority into a majority, and you might not wish to wait. Or, perhaps, you might wish to help and maybe join one of the organizations I mentioned above.

As for the furry community, you are pretty much out of luck there. There are no furry groups, meets, or conventions in Tunisia (indeed, the only one in the entire continent is in distant South Africa), so if you wish to ever have that experience, you'll need to go to Europe. Meanwhile, you're stuck with what is on the internet. Fortunately, you have internet! So, that helps! Increasingly, furries are holding furcons in the virtual world. The biggest of these is called Furality. If you enjoy virtual reality and have the computer power to participate, I would highly recommend it for you as the most viable option for the time being. Other online experiences include VRchat and SecondLife, both of which have thriving furry communities where you can make lots of furry friends (VRchat has become more popular than the older SecondLife, FYI).

I'm sorry I don't have better news for you, but I hope this helps some. Do not feel guilty for being who you are. You are not a bad person for being gay or for being a furry. The problem is with intolerant societies that can't accept people who do not conform. But, as I said, because you live in one such strict society, I strongly recommend not coming out to anyone in your family, at work, or Tunisian society in general. You will need to remain online, at least until you are either able to emigrate to a more tolerant country or Tunisia itself changes dramatically.

Thank you for writing. I wish you luck, and if you have other questions, feel free to write again.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear