Severe ADHD Makes Her Fear Driving Lessons

Hello, Papabear,

I am almost 30. I do not drive because I am too afraid to. Last time I tried was when I was freshly outta high school; yes, I took a driver's ed online course, thinking I was going to get my license in the summer but didn't. My dad was starting to teach me but totally traumatized me. Fast forward years later. After 6 years of college, I thought about trying again, but my self-esteem and doubt had gotten worse. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of supportive people in my life to cheer me on. I have bad undiagnosed ADHD--severe! I do not trust myself, all thanks to my dad's lifelong critiques and scoldings wanting everything to be perfect and "how I am supposed to know everything by now."

Unfortunately, my anxiety has gotten worse. I know driver's ed would be ideal, but what if I pay and chicken out and loose my money? We don't have a secondary car to practice with, only his. My mom doesn't drive because of her condition, but she believes in me in doing that and many other things, unlike my other parent.

Where/who can I go to to overcome my fears and see if it's all in my head and that driving isn't so bad? Because I understand it's a skill we adults need. How to lose this fear because it has caused deep depression and self-hate.

Thanks,
Scared California Girl (California)

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Dear Scared California Girl,

Thank you for bringing this important question to my attention. Definitely, having ADHD, PTSD, or other anxiety issues can have a negative effect on one's ability to drive (a topic I do not see discussed much, interestingly enough). Indeed, if one is suffering from an inability to concentrate, distracted behavior, difficulty with multitasking, and other symptoms common with ADHD, driving can in some cases be nearly impossible.

You mention that your "bad ADHD" is undiagnosed, so I take that to mean you have not sought out therapy. Do you have any medical coverage? If so, many plans do cover at least a few visits to a licensed therapist. If not, I suggest you explore Covered California for plans that are made more affordable thanks to state assistance. Open enrollment is closed right now, but it is no longer federally mandated to have health insurance thanks to a 2019 law. But California does penalize those who are not covered by issuing a state fine, just FYI.

But on to driving.... There are also some driving schools that have instructors who are trained in teaching those with ADHD, including one called the Newport Driving School, which, I believe, has several schools across California and a few other states. They do not seem to have a central website, so I would google your local area to see if there is a Newport school near you. I talked to one of their representatives, and they did say that they have instructors who have special training in how to teach those with your condition. One thing to note, though, is that this driving course takes more time than the typical course because much more attention is given to students for them to be able to manage their driving skills better. If you can't find a Newport school, see what else is in your area that looks good, phone them, and ask if they have similarly trained instructors. As for your concerns about "chickening out," I hope that the knowledge that you would have a teacher who is skilled with ADHD students might alleviate that fear.

(Oh, and I sympathize with your dad dilemma. When I was learning, I had the misfortune of my dad trying to teach me--in addition to classes at my high school--and his method was to hit me when I did wrong. Ugh, what a nightmare. I would suggest not using your father as an instructor and find someone less critical and more understanding. No duh, am I right? Basically, anyone with a driver's license should be able to help you. Oh, and always start with lessons in an empty parking lot or other area with no traffic.)

What about your current transport needs? Does your father drive you to work or on errands? If you have a job, can you set up a ride share of some sort with coworkers. Do you have any friends to help? First order of business, though, is managing your ADHD. Indeed, we don't even know if it is ADHD or something related, so you really do need to get properly diagnosed and try to get some professional help because you cannot get proper treatment if you are not accurately diagnosed. Also, you don't say where in California you live, but if you are somewhere with good public transportation such as the Bay Area you should definitely take advantage of that as much as possible. 

As for your mother, is she a senior? You say she has a condition that makes it impossible for her to drive. Okay, so, there are programs and services in California to help with that. Starting with medical transportation, should she require it, consult the California Department of Healthcare Services and the California Department on Aging for non-emergency medical transportation such as for regular doctor visits. You can also find help with transportation through California's Eldercare Locator. Other commercial services that are low cost or that can be partially paid for through insurance include ITN America and Veyo, and you can also search the Rides in Sight database for senior transportation companies. Pardon me if your mother is not old enough for such services yet; I'm just trying to cover bases. Now, if she is too young to qualify as a senior, there are still programs for those with disabilities or low income that can help. In my area, for example (I'm in California, too), the Riverside County Transportation Commission offers ride assistance to not only seniors but also those with disabilities. You might contact your local city or county office and query them if they have similar services. The federal government also has the Accessible Transportation Resource Center, which can point you to transportation and other services for the disabled. Finally, there is the 211 hotline (also 211 California | Free Help for Housing, Food & More) that is run by United Way of California, offering all kinds of assistance to those in need, including transportation. There is a possibility, too, that if you are diagnosed with such severe ADHD that you are unable to drive, some of the programs listed above might help you, as well.

I hope some of this information is helpful to you. Let me know if you have further questions.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear