Polytherian Is Struggling with Species Dysphoria

Hello, Papabear,

I'm a polytherian and otherkin. How do you deal with species dysphoria? I always feel like my skin is too tight or that I'm supposed to not have legs but a seal tail. I'm really struggling with this.

Sharkie (age 11)

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Dear Sharkie,

Because you wrote to me via a school server in Australia, I can't reply directly to you (school servers block unknown IP addresses), so I will post this on my website and hope you see it there.

While psychologists would call this "species dysphoria" and say that it is a psychological disorder needing treatment, therians and otherkin would say it's just another day at the office. Also, there are some furries who are not therians or otherkin who have experienced the same thing. Anyway, based on your letter, you sound like a selkie, which is a being who can be in either seal or human form. If you're polytherian, then I guess you must have other forms as well? Including a shark, I gather....

There are several kinds of dysphoria, as you probably know. Along with species dysphoria, there is the familiar gender dysphoria that has been in the news a lot of late. But there is also social dysphoria (the feeling you don't belong in various social situations because you feel your identity as a person doesn't match what it should be) and body dysphoria (the dissatisfaction with what your body looks like). My belief--though I don't really see this mentioned in psych papers--is that species and body dysphoria are closely linked. 

Again speaking from a psychological point of view, dysphoria in its various forms may be caused by anxiety, depression, personal trauma, or other negative experiences that make you feel detached in some way from your body and personality. Dissociation is a type of coping mechanism. For example, the feeling that "If I am not actually that human girl who is suffering so much, then I am not truly the person being harmed, which means I can cope with it sort of like watching a TV show in which a character is experiencing a bad situation and I'm just a member of the audience."

The "treatment," following this logic, is to find some professional assistance to help you manage and cope with the trauma you are experiencing. Once that feeling of distress and anxiety is eased because the cause is addressed, then it makes sense that the dysphoria should also ease if not vanish altogether.

Okay, so there's the psychology. Now let's talk some spirituality.

I don't know how much you read my column, but I have expressed before my belief that we in this life are living in a shell that is not actually us but merely a kind of fleshy garment we wear in order to better navigate this reality. What we truly are is not an individual of the Homo sapiens species. That's just for now. I also think that when we "die," it is just the shell that perishes. The being we truly are continues. There is no real death. And it is very possible we have lived other lives and will live other lives in the "future" (if there is such a thing as "time," which is another item open for debate). So, it might be, Sharkie, that you once were a seal or sea lion (and you have some dim memory of that life) or, perhaps, you desire to be one in the next life. 

So, why are you not one now? Some people believe that before we are born on this planet we, for some reason we don't recall, chose to be this particular individual in this particular form. We felt we had something to learn by doing so, or perhaps something to give, something to do, that was best done as a human being rather than as some kind of pinniped or fish. Therefore, Sharkie, you need to live out this life to do what needs to be done in the here and now. (Unless you really are a selkie, in which case you should see if you can locate some selkie and related otherkin online and hang out with them some for a bit of comfort and camaraderie.)

As someone who is just 11 years old, you have much growing and self-exploration to do yet. Don't panic that you are having a bit of a topsy-turvy time of it right now. That's normal as you transition from childhood to adulthood (and beyond). You're okay. Just try to be yourself and remember that you are more than just your body. You are spirit. You are mind. You are a sentient being exploring the universe.

All will be well.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear