LGBTQ Furry Is Threatened with Being "Disowned" by Her Parents

Dear Papabear,

Hello! I have some homo[phobic] parents at home (I'm pan), and my parents also think furries are insane people who never take their suits off and act like wild animals. I make the masks even though they hate em'. My fursona is a pit bull named meteor. My dad yells when I wear black ("TAKE OFF THAT EMU SHIT'' and "TAKE OFF THOSE FREAK WERIDO CLOTHES"). My mom is homo[phobic], too. My mom said my dad will divorce and disown me and her if I am LGBTQ or a furry. I'm hoping you will help; both are narcissists.

Thanks, Papabear :)

Charlotte (age 13)

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Hi, Charlotte,

I am going to assume that when you say your parents are "homo parents" you mean homophobic, yes? 

First off, your parents can't disown you without a court of law approving them to do so, which is highly unlikely, so please do not worry about that. That is an idle threat your parents are making. Parents are legally obligated under the law to support you financially and physically until you are of legal age (18). If they don't, that is child abuse. If your parents are physically or emotionally abusing you, you can do something about that. Your first step would be to contact your local child protective services department. (Or--and this could be better--if you have a close relative such as a grandparent who is sympathetic to you, you could ask them for some support). You should only contact social services, though, if you really feel like you are in danger for your life or well-being, so please do not contact CPS just because your parents yell at you.

But it does sound like your parents are being pretty awful to you, and I am sorry to hear that. Here are some words of advice I hope will help.

1. Please do not think for an instant that any of this is your fault. (It doesn't sound as if you do, but I just wanted to make that clear.) It sounds as if both Mom and Dad are trying to make you feel bad and guilty about being LGBTQ and furry so that you will stop pursuing your interests. But you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You are just trying to be yourself. NEVER apologize for that. 
2. You can't control your parents or what they say or do. You can only control how you react to what they say and do. So, take a deep breath and realize that the things your parents are saying are a result of their programming. They are, in a real sense, victims of how they were raised by their parents and the society of their upbringing to believe that people who are not straight and who do not "act normally" are bad. Look upon them, therefore, with sympathy for they know not what they do.
3. When people are this deeply programmed to hate things that are not "normal," it is very challenging to change their minds. But, if you wish to try to educate them, one good place to start is a free documentary they can watch on YouTube called The Fandom. You should give it a watch, and if you think it might persuade your parents to acknowledge that furries aren't about acting like animals, then send it to them and ask them to watch it to educate themselves on what the fandom is really about.

Another link I'd like to give you is called Moms of Furries. This page is run by two women whose children are furries. When they first found out about their kids' interest, they were kind of worried, but then they did a lot of research and discovered what fun being a furry is and how it can actually help people improve skills like creativity and socializing. They became so supportive of their furry kids that they started the Moms of Furries website to help parents and furries. Also, if you like, you can have them write directly to Papabear. I like getting questions from parents, and I wish I did more often.

If you have any questions about the above, feel free to write to me again.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear