Papabear,
Thanks for the great advice for that previous question, I feel a little better about it now and will do my best to follow it and get rid of my hate. Now I'll ask you about the touchier subject that is not really related to the issue just discussed (although possibly a tiny bit, but nothing to do with hate). So, a few years ago after I first learnt of being a therian and 'awakened', I had begun to feel a much stronger connection towards canines (being a wolf therian) and even other animals in general that aren't human. And then I started to see dogs differently, getting various lustful and romantic emotions until for a time I was much more interested in canines than humans, I even had a massive crush on a relative's dog (but didn't do much other than let her lick my face as much as she wanted). It elevated though when I begun to feel lustful towards one of my own dogs (I had two) and well, this is hard to admit, but I ended up rubbing her and performing oral on her, and letting her lick me in return (I think I was 16 or 15 at the time). I very stupidly told some 'friends' when we were all sharing secrets and then they spread it around the school, which I then had to cover up as a false rumour that they made up (in order to protect myself since such a thing is illegal in my country, Australia (I hope my parents never read this, they might recognise the story about the 'rumour')). Sometime after that I also learnt that I am bi, and then I got a boyfriend, causing things to simmer down a bit (although I still did get turned on by dogs). After about a year I broke up with my boyfriend since it was a long distance thing and we had never physically been together. I was really upset at the time, I felt bad for breaking up with him, but I knew it had to be done since it wasn't working for me. Over time I got better and things gradually relaxed as I adjusted to not having any mates. However, not long ago I have begun to feel much more strongly towards non-human animals again, but this time I seem to be turned on by any large mammal, male or female, as long as it isn't a human. I mean, whenever I go to places and see a large mammal, I always try to get a look at (from a distance, no actual contact) whether they're male or female as long as I can do it unnoticed. Now we have a new dog at our house (since my previous two died) that is male and I ended up getting a crush on him. I always cuddle with him when I can, and it feels amazing when he licks my lips (like the best thing I've ever felt), I am also eager in waiting for whenever he may get an erection. I also strip nude when I'm home alone and let him lick me, but I don't force him to do anything, if he isn't interested I accept it. So um, I guess I'm wondering about whether I should let this continue or not? Anonymous * * * Hi, Fellow Furry, I wrote an article about zoophilia a while back. Take a look here http://www.askpapabear.com/letters/papabear-chimes-in-on-a-touchy-topic-zoophilia and see what you think. Then get back to me. Hugs, Papabear * * * Papabear, I have read that article before, and I guess it isn't morality that's the issue, since I have already accepted it as all right, provided neither me nor any animals are harmed. However, my issue here is what to do about it, since I'm beginning to fall hopelessly in love with my dog. I do feel kind of restricted, especially because of my parents and the law. I don't think I could explain it to my parents, since there was one time when I tried to approach the subject very neutrally with my aunt (who is more open and progressive than my parents) and even she said that it was disgusting and wrong.... I mean, I'm essentially closeted all over again, this being my fifth and worst time closeted. First it was therian, then furry, then being bi, then being brony, and now it's being zoosexual/zoophilic.... So the questions here are, should I actually view my new dog as my mate? And is there any way for me to loosen up a bit around anybody? (I also wouldn't mind you putting this on your column if you deem it worthy, since I would like to contribute to helping other zoophiles/zoosexuals in a similar position, as long as you use the previous pseudonym that I used) Agitated and Confused Therian (age 18) * * * Hi, again, Agitated, While I understand, intellectually, zoophilia and sexual attractions of this sort, I think you need to recognize that dog (and other animal) behavior and psychology is very different from those of human beings. Most people, when they find a loving mate, have someone with whom they share many commonalities: interests in work, hobbies, spiritual and religious issues, sharing a life. While you can have sex with a canine, and even have a loving relationship of sorts, it is not the same as having one with a human being; you can never have a well-rounded matehood with a dog, in my opinion. I caution you not to anthropomorphize your dog. He is not human, and not just in the physical sense. He will likely see you as the alpha male, a leader of a very small pack, and he will be very loyal and true, but still, it is not the same. He will not share your intellect, and his behavior will always be that of a dog. Also, add to this that your pet will have a very abbreviated life in comparison to your own, which is hard enough when one considers a dog a pet, but much much harder if you consider the dog a mate. You are in for some heavy emotional pain in a few years. But I will not tell you what to do here. This is your life, and I have no right to judge you. I can tell you that I, personally, would never consider a creature of another species as a mate, but that’s me, not you. My psyche is not the same as yours. I can tell you, of course, that if you go around telling people that the dog is your mate you are going to be severely ostracized by friends, family, and society as a whole. That is a fact that you are well aware of. Therefore, it is in your best interest not to publicize this, the alternative being to live a hermit’s life far away from other people. Papabear fears that this is one area that he has little personal experience in, and I don’t think I can give you the best advice on what to do. I would recommend a few websites for you to check out and that you try to connect to other zoophiles who can probably give you better input. Here are two sites: https://www.zoophilia.net/ and http://www.zoophile.net/. I’ll invite my readers to chime in, as well, so follow this column and see if some people contribute comments. Hugs. Wishing you luck. Papabear
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Papabear,
I am a submissive baby wolf puppy girl and love dressing in skirts and dresses, however, public outings are almost never an option as I wear diapers due to nerve damage. How can I become braver if I am so shy? Sawina Swiftpaw (age 23) * * * Dear Sawina, This question is relevant to both those like you who wear diapers out of medical necessity and those who do it because they like to (ABDL or Adult Baby Diaper Lovers). I admit I’m not an ABDL person, nor do I know anyone with incontinence problems, so I did a little Internet searching and found this article by Adrian Surley. She suggests a couple of things:
Surley is an ADBL, and she notes that people really don’t act rudely, unless you’re also someone who wears baby clothes in public. THAT does draw attention. Read Surley’s article and see if that helps. No pun intended, but take baby steps. Start with shorter times in public places and, as you get more comfortable, increase the amount of time you spend with others. I’m sorry about your nerve damage. Having a medical condition is nothing to be ashamed of. If, for some reason, you do get asked (most likely if a small child sees the diaper somehow; kids don’t realize the questions they ask are sometimes inappropriate; they just ask because they want to know) just explain that you have to because of the nerve damage. Be frank. It’ll be okay. Hugs, Papabear Hi Papabear, I am only new to the furry fandom and I want to know if there's a meaning behind the “nose boop.” Thanks for your time. Meep Out *waves bye-bye* * * * Dear Meep, The nose boop is not really just a furry thing; it is a cute sign of affection used by all sorts of people. Perhaps used more by furries (it’s fun to boop a fursuit nose!), but not at all unique to us. You could probably research it on the Internet and come up with all sorts of theories as to how this phenomenon originated. I’m not really sure. Since the 2007 movie Superbad and this scene it has become even more popular in our culture.
Culturally and sociologically speaking, any personal gesture that intrudes upon the area of a person’s face is a sign of affection and love. That’s why the kiss involves people’s lips and why Eskimos rub noses. Other than invading the genitalia, the face is a person’s most private area. So, a nose boop is a sign of affection. In my opinion, it’s a surrogate gesture for a kiss—what you do when you really like someone but are too shy or unsure of yourself to actually kiss them. So, anyway, the origins are rather murky, but it’s such a cute and endearing gesture it doesn’t really matter. The meaning of it is an affectionate one. So boop someone you like today! Thanks for the fun question! Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
Note: - Even though I don't think you are a 100 % spiritual tolerated person, I still like to ask stuff, sort of now. Do you think society is getting better and more tolerance? Or is it just getting... worse? Because of what I been hearing about (People abusing critique, attacking stuff for what it is, etc.), I feel like my faith is much more down the drain. My dream future will probably be frowned upon, so it feels like there is no point. I was recently looking up why people generally hated "Twilight" (I'm not even a fan), and I was hoping that it wasn't based on any biased reasons. Even though, people should respect each other still. Sadly, all I have seen was very biased reasons of that movie (or book), people hate something that's meant to be what it is, they force there idiotic opinions over something just because it was, different. They then bash any fan, and tell them not to embrace it. The Twilight hate is very bigoted, and often, completely zero real criticism. They complain that "vampires" don't sparkle (When yet, people has always made up new styles for any "fictional" originated story.), compare it to the wrong movies, etc. etc. They expect that every written story to be the same, generic type of thing. (I mean really, what if a story about an art-style/sparkle vampire was crazy awesome, there is a chance of that you know.) When something is made that is MEANT to be for certain people, people who hates a different audience movie should learn to move on and not complain, but NO, they go out, bash fans who likes it and force complete biased opinions over them. I even heard a known guy for bashing it, saying "Twilight" should not exist, and seeing a bunch of corrupts loving him just for that. This makes me sick. Even worse: I see people stand up for other people and teach haters to move on and leave others who like it, but the haters waste there damn energy pouring hatred on those kinds of people. This makes me sick. Very sick. And it sounds like people promoting unconstitutional censorship! Society has in fact, FAILED to listen to the Golden Rule - "One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself." Here is another example: Mary Sue - I come to understand that making a "Mary Sue" story can end up often being "boring" (I think) to a certain type of audience, and I can suggest to avoid that if you are trying to reach a general audience or something, but when a story is meant to be Mary Sue, and is meant for a different, different audience, people should respect the interests of it, but sadly, I see abusive criticizing (Pointing out something for what it is and comparing it to something it's not) over it. Here is another example: There was a fan-game of My Little Pony: http://www.equestriagaming.com/2014/02/a-my-little-pony-platformer-game.html And apparently, instead of being a Mature tolerance kind of person, the person bashes it for what it is, just because it was a style of Mario, a self-insert (Self-inserts can be good), etc. He/She used misleading tags such as "creepypasta" and "survival horror", just because of the biased reasons. I have argued how offensive it was to compare this to different things and bashing something that CAN be good for what it is, but the person just ignorantly complained, and disabled the comments. The original artist of the fan game has also complained about Tuxxy (The site owner) being rude against His/Her own fan-game. So when He/She disabled them, he refused to delete those tags. These are an example of how bad society is possibly getting, they abused critique, attack something for what it is and compare something to something it's not, it's just another form of hatred. They also often hate something, just because of fans (Fans never hurt anyone, but haters do). The reason why I take (Especially the Twilight thing) these kinds of things seriously in a bad way is because this can effect future works of others that desire to make something for difference audience. Now sadly if society continues to do this, so many good new, creative works will probably be bashed just because, people hate it. I have a huge dream of people to embrace other kinds of fandoms, to even have the freedom to be just as popular as any kinds of things (Take Frozen for example), but seeing this horrid crap (Especially people telling others that they must be limited) makes my own faith and others very low. It's just another valid reason on why I'm 80-95 % misanthropic, and the fact that I tend to avoid society a lot. I just don't know what to do, even the Furry Fandom may be slowly moving to the side of the horrid side of humanity. The Brony Fandom is much ahead to the real dark side, with little tolerance I think, and I see no signs (or much) of hope of respect of real critique. All I see is people bashing Art-Styles, Story Ideas, etc. for WHAT THEY ARE. And it's like if I were to make a story that judges intolerance or something, I would get abused by false criticism just because most people on here isn't into it (Biased). Yet, it's meant for certain people and to grow to teach the world later. Or people bashing your bear fursona JUST because it's consider "weird"; furry, different, etc. Of course, there are many other issues of society (Like anti-sexuality, and other kinds of things), but this is just one of great things, making things worse. >>Also, I can respect any biased reason to personality dislike something, but I will NEVER respect people who cross the line with them: Bashing fans, claiming "name" is bad based of biased, telling others they can't embrace, other kinds of abusing critique (Failure of promoting the PURPOSE), etc.<< I don't even know if you are the right person here to ask this, if you don't know for sure, then you don't have to reply. Diamond Man * * * Hi, Diamond Man, Hmm, not sure what you mean by saying I’m not a “100% spiritual tolerated person,” but I hope you don’t think I’m intolerant of others for their spiritual beliefs. I try not to be. As to your question, “Do you think society is getting better and more tolerance? Or is it just getting... worse?” My belief is that, historically, intolerance has been a chronic condition of the human race. In one sense, I think that a large portion of humanity (not a majority, but a larger and larger chunk) is becoming more enlightened thanks to increased education, the advancement of science, and increased exposure to other cultures, all of which has allowed those who are able to take advantage of these developments to open their eyes to the larger world rather than remaining in a parochial one. In another sense, though, it might seem like there is more intolerance because, thanks to the “communication age” of the Internet and other technology, we are privileged to hear a lot more blowholes spouting invective about the least little thing. What puzzles me a bit is why you are concerned so much about criticism over such things as The Twilight Saga and Mary Sue fiction when there are much more serious issues to be concerned about, such as debate over global warming, the destruction of the environment, the continued inequities among the races in our culture, and the war of the wealthy right-wing elite against the poor and middle classes and against religious minorities. When one considers the serious problems in the world, does it really matter if vampires have sparkly skin or not? Of course it doesn’t. And if some people object to it (or other types of fiction) then maybe they shouldn’t read it. As for criticizing it, I don’t have much respect for critics. Most of them simply get off trashing other people’s work. When it comes to fiction, for instance, I would say that unless you have written a successful novel yourself (or something similar) you really don’t have any solid ground to stand on when attempting to criticize something you are incapable of doing yourself. To stretch out an old saying: those who can’t do, teach; those who can’t teach, criticize. Critics, as you’ve pointed out, can often stifle creativity by hurting the feelings of the sensitive who might have created something worthwhile had their egos not been so badly damaged. There are few things more painful than putting one’s heart and soul into a story only to have it roundly criticized. As someone who has a hundred rejection letters in his file cabinet, I can attest to that. But those who really believe in themselves will forge ahead anyway. Margaret Mitchell, to mention one author who leaps to mind, was rejected by dozens of publishers before Gone with the Wind was finally accepted. I think one of your main points was that haters were bashing certain works of fiction simply for what they are rather than on more objective merits, such as character and plot development. Some people, for instance, are “purists” when it comes to things like what a vampire looks like and how it behaves. To me, such people are stuck in a rut. I actually thought the idea of the sparkly skin as an explanation as to why vampires don’t like to go out into the sun was clever and, in a way, makes more sense than the notion that they burst into flames. I’m not a fan of Twilight (mostly because it really is written to appeal to young girls), but I wouldn’t criticize it just because Stephenie Meyers took liberties with the premise. Indeed, changing details about genres and creatures in fiction has been going on for generations. For example, Bela Lugosi’s characterization of Count Dracula is uniquely his and not really at all as Bram Stoker wrote him. Stoker, indeed, described the Count only in very vague terms; it was Lugosi who gave him the looks and mannerisms that became the standard for decades. Early vampires, modeled after Lugosi’s portrayal, tended to be elegant, classy gentlemen. This model became more complex over time, with probably the Anne Rice books really contributing to the shift in the modern era. Vampires started, too, to gain other magical talents, like superspeed and the ability to transform into various creatures, even into mist. Finally, we also saw the advent of “good vampires.” So, to complain that Meyers’ vampires are too different is to be ignorant of the fact that what a vampire is is not chiseled in stone. ANYway, technology that gives us such questionable advances as Facebook also gives us more opportunity to hear and read all the obnoxious, ignorant, and downright stupid thoughts that many people have no qualms sharing. And don’t forget! Trolls! Trolls are people who hiss inflammatory insults about almost anything with the goal of provoking a reaction out of you. As far as you’re concerned, you are falling right into the paws of the trolls, Diamond Man. Giving them exactly what they want, which is to upset you. The best strategy for you is to live and let live. Let the haters hate; let them live in their shallow, petty, nasty little world, which is the worst type of self-inflicted punishment you could ask for. In the meantime, don’t let them get to you. Enjoy whatever you like, and you can counter the haters by posting love and support for the writers who produce the stories you enjoy. No, it’s not a more hateful world, just a more vocal one. Hugs, Papabear Hello Papabear,
This question has been on my mind for quite a while. Like you, I'm trying to help others by listening when an ear is needed, and giving advice if that might give the other a better life. This probably stems from my past, which I won't elaborate too much on; it might suffice to say I've been mistreated/abused as a kid with nobody around to stop it, because "children make up funny stories.” While I've definitely helped some people quite a lot, I've also hurt my closest friends thanks to my inability to cope with life from time to time (and other reasons). My past is to blame; I keep getting nightmares (even at daytime) and it causes very bad and rapid mood swings. Thanks to those, I can be a horrible person to my friends and actually mean every hateful word I say at that moment, but regret everything the next and want to help everyone again. It's easier for the acquaintances and strangers I help because when I feel bad I simply won't talk to them, whereas my friends... This gives rise to my question: should I keep helping others? From my (dis)position, it's easier for me than for those who have never suffered abuse to relate to some of the people who ask me for help. When I help, I do so assiduously. When I'm in a bad mood, my emotional instability will cause me to say things to my friends that have cost me some permanently. I love helping others, but I fear they'll end up in worse shape than they were prior to talking to me. An example: my closest friend. I've been helping him to get more happy, get rid of his depression and get better self-esteem. Not long ago, I said things that weren't directly insulting but manipulative enough to make him resort to cutting himself again and make his suicidal tendencies return.... It'll take a while to tend the wounds—physically and mentally—and even longer to get back to where I was with him on a social level, or even almost a romantic one... Am I one who can help others, or am I the one to be helped? Yours sincerely, Fracti * * * Dear Fracti, A fascinating question, and thanks for writing to me. The biggest reason why I started writing “Ask Papabear” is because I felt that my experience, both within and outside the fandom, would be a benefit to other furries if I could share it with them. In 48 years, I have been through a lot, experiencing, in my life and in those who are close to me, divorce, love, death, suicide, cancer, sexual experiences with both sexes and living in both the hetero and gay communities, and on and on. I am familiar with emotional and mental illness on a personal level. I’m also versed in the ins and outs of the furry community, and I use this experience to help others. You have experienced personal tragedy, as well, and I admire your desire to use your knowledge to try and help others. But because you are still not emotionally stable and have not, apparently, received therapy or counseling for what is bothering you on a very deep psychological level, it is causing harm to others. No one is entirely sane, I should note. And no one is without at least some prejudices. I try very hard to be objective when I write to my readers, but I slip, too, now and then. This is why I keep the Comments option “on” on this site, because I appreciate my readers’ feedback; they often catch things I forget to note, and, occasionally, call me on it when I slip up (probably the most memorable example being the case of the furry who fell in love with his aunt). I am extremely conscious of the fact that I could cause serious harm to someone if I said something hurtful to them, no matter how unintentionally. This is why I often spend considerable time on a reply before I post it and email it to the writer. I read and re-read what I have written, revising several times. It’s also why I will never do a call-in radio show, because I don’t like giving replies off the cuff. It’s too easy to slip up that way and say something wrong. (This can be true even in instant messaging; I have a friend with some very strong right-wing thoughts, especially about gun control, and debates with him can get me quite angry and cause me to say unkind things, so I have to be careful.) Likewise with you. Because of your emotional hurt, you are a bit like a minefield in a beautiful garden. If one is cautious, the walk along the path can be splendid, but a misstep could be killer. Therefore, I think it would be best if you took care of yourself first before trying to help others. You’ve already seen the consequences, so you should learn from them, take a step back, get your emotions under control through some therapy or whatever works best for you, and then reevaluate yourself and see if you are okay to once more counsel others. If you wish to talk with me more about the psychological trauma you suffered in the past, please feel free to write again. Good luck! (Hugs tight!) Papabear Papabear,
For years now, I've wanted to get sprayed by a skunk. I've smelled the scent on the wind and the thought of getting skunked and taking a tomato juice bath arouses me. Still, I don't want others around me to suffer from the smell. Should I try to get sprayed or even be honest with those I’m living with about my desire? Angus * * * Dear Angus, Some reading this might think your love of skunk spray is odd, but it does have validity. Interestingly, there have been studies on this, and while most people find skunk spray repellant, a small minority of people find the scent very pleasurable. This has a lot to do with how people are wired. It’s kind of like how some people get physical pleasure out of pain (though your interest is not so extreme as that, of course). There are other smells that some people love while others hate, including horse manure, gasoline, mildew, body odor, and pipe or cigar smoke (I actually like pipe and cigar smoke but not cigarette smoke). Scientists who get government grants to research such things (your tax money at work) have come up with two theories: 1) it is a genetic predisposition, and 2) it is a learned behavior. Of these two theories, the second one is supported more by experimental research. So, first of all, wanted to emphasize that you are not a weirdo for liking skunk smell. In fact, you are attracted to the musk scent in the oils of the skunk’s glands, which, interestingly, perfume and cologne manufacturers often use in their products! It is used not only for the musk component but because the chemical in it (butyl mercaptan) is a scent adherent (that’s why it’s hard to get off) that makes perfume scent last longer. Secondly, I congratulate you for being considerate of other people’s needs and that getting yourself sprayed and not cleaning it off would lose you a lot of friends. What you can do is this: don’t try to find a wild skunk and get yourself sprayed (there is, after all, the possibility of being exposed to diseases a wild animal might be carrying, not to mention that harassing wild animals is not a good idea.) Instead, go to a local outdoorsman store (e.g. Cabela’s; hunters use it to mask their human odor from their prey) and you can purchase skunk scent in a bottle. I even found a website called SaveOnScents.com where you can purchase it (http://www.saveonscents.com/product_info.php/products_id/4831). You can then squirt some of the oil onto a handkerchief, for instance, and smell it at your leisure when you are not with others who might find it unpleasant. As for telling others, I wouldn't make it a big deal. If the subject ever does come up, for some odd reason, in conversation you can nonchalantly mention that you like the smell of skunk, no biggie. I think that would be the best solution for you, Angus! Hugs, Papabear |
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A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
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