Hey Papabear,
I got into the furry fandom about 6.5 months ago. Ever since I joined I always wanted to have a fully drawn out fursona, Tippy (Deer/Buck), but I’ve never had the art skill to do so. I recently have been super interested in getting a reference sheet via commission. But, I have a bit of a problem, I have no idea what I’m supposed to say/do when it comes to telling them how I want it to look. I don’t wanna be to vague so it doesn’t look right or way to complicated to the point where they don’t know what to do. If you have any advice about the proper way I should communicate my thoughts into their drawings I’d be so grateful! Thanks, Tippy * * * Hi, Tippy, Good question, and thanks for submitting it. This is how I handled communications with the ref sheet artist for Grubbs. When talking with the artist, think of the drawing in terms of what the fursuit maker will be sewing. Figure out all the things the fursuit maker will be doing and then describe those to the ref sheet artist. Overall Style First, decide the overall feel of the character. Are you going for a highly realistic anthro, or something cartoony? Particular Style Do some research on fursuit makers based on fursuits you've seen and what appeals to you with a maker's style. If you have already chosen a maker, point out some of the fursuits they made that you want the ref sheet artist to emulate (artists have their own style, of course, but a good artist can emulate other styles). You can also suggest looks you like from movies, TV shows, and cartoons. For example, when I was coming up with how Grubbs should look, I told the maker, Beastcub, that I thought the bear suits in Disney's The Country Bears were superb and I wanted something along those lines. Fursona Character What is the overall personality/occupation you are trying to convey? Is this going to be a fat furry? Skinny? Will clothing be worn or will the fursuit be skyclad (naked)? Perhaps armor will be worn because it is a warrior, or a wizard's robe, or there will be jewelry or native wear. Maybe your fursona is a tomb raider or a gamer or an athlete. Maybe they are a musician or skateboarder (maybe you want inline skate wheels installed in the feet! I've seen that... cool!). Features Pick out particular features that you want. Do you want realistic eyes made of glass or acrylic, or do you want cloth mesh? Do you want horns or wings or something animatronic? Do you want soft claws or perhaps something made of polyurethane that looks real. Where do you want the zipper (back or front)? Do you want a detachable tail? Should the ears wobble or be static? Do you want a moveable jaw so you can appear to be talking? Should the fur be shaggy or short or felty? Or do you need claws or feathers? Hooves on the feet but human hands? See if the maker has options for how the head is constructed (there are various approaches to head construction (foam heads are more typical of cartoony heads, while resin is often seen in more realistic heads). Ref sheet artists often don't go into mechanical details, but if you can get them to sketch out a lot of the specifics, it can be helpful to the maker. Colors The ref sheet should, obviously, have a color palate. Make sure you are clear on everything from fur color to paws to claws to eyes to nose to inner ear, etc. etc. etc. A ref sheet is essential because this is where you work out all the details of your fursona before it goes into production (much cheaper to correct things in a drawing than after it has been sewn!). So, take your time and make sure you have exactly the look you are going for before you give the okay to the maker to start sewing! Hope this answers your question! Hugs, Papabear
0 Comments
Hello there:
I have an animegao mask and a fursuit. However I usually wear them only on the conventions, and at home for pictures and video chats. Last year though, me, my little brother and my mom did a photoset (I also made him a fursuit head). However, I want to fursuit more, outside of the conventions. I'm alone, only with a little brother, and I am afraid of exposing my things to children who aren't even aware of what anime or furry is. All they see, is just a group of cute characters, and to them, every animation is a cartoon even if it's South park or Death note - though I don't like them both, and none of my characters are from these shows. They're mostly into Soviet cartoons, and very rarely Disney and Nickelodeon. Parents would think that I am a professional actor who charges for money for pics, and nothing else. But I am not. I really want to play for free, gently, not rough, just like in Disneyland resort. That's why conventions to me are more preferred even though nobody understand that kind of cosplay... Conventions are usually attended by the guys who dislike children's entertainment, fandoms portrayed there are usually for adults and teens only. Very rarely you can see kids cosplaying Pokémon, Card captor Sakura etc. Which is what I luv. Yet my friends and those who call me a stalker, they fursuit in public freely and have fun. They don't need any rationalising. They're using the fact that kids don't care and only see cute characters to the mutual advantage. They just have fun. I guess I can't have fun anymore. Maybe it's because I took too much Risperidone as a kid/teen, and the mesolimbic pathway just can't let dopamine in, which is something that prevents me from having fun. Please tell me how come. HikaYama * * * Hi, HikaYama, There are opportunities to fursuit in public outside of furcons (and meets), but I would do so in an organized fashion. These days, with parents afraid of stalkers and kidnappers and with the fear of terrorism (you're wearing a mask), there are some restrictions. For example, don't walk into a bank or government office wearing a fursuit LOL. Unless you want to be tackled to the floor by security. Some public parks can also be restrictive, and some not. I used to go to a park furmeet near San Diego where furries were in suit and everyone was fine with it. On the other hand, I've heard that a fursuiter once got in trouble with police at a park in the San Francisco area (he wasn't arrested, but was told not to do it again). Therefore, one thing I would do is always check. At public parks, contact the local Parks and Recreation Department and ask them about costuming on their grounds, what their policies are and such. Cosplayers are common in many parks (e.g., Lord of the Rings cosplayers at Griffith Park), but other parks are fearful of them. Check a few parks in your area. Another place is at events such as festivals, the Renaissance Faire, etc. I have often seen furries at Ren Faires, so they are pretty cool with that. I've been thinking about contacting Palm Springs City Hall about fursuiting at the street fair they have weekly (although I have done it before without complaint). I also once had a local business hire me during Halloween to dress up and promote their ice cream shop. Oh, and Halloween and Mardis Gras are great places, too. You can also do volunteer work. A number of fursuiters I know do that for various charities, especially kids charities. You can also do so at children's hospitals; just contact their Volunteer Service department and inquire as to whether they are looking for entertainers and what their policies are. Doing it for free, of course, is often persuasive to charities. And don't forget things like animal rescue and wildlife conservation societies who could be open to your services. Hope this gives you some ideas. Happy Fursuiting! Papabear Hi, Papabear,
Hello, hope you’re doing great! I’ve been part of the furry fandom officially for around a year now (at least four years if you count before I discovered the fandom) and I’ve been wanting a fursuit just like almost every other furry for a while. The only problem is that I’m pretty chonky and have thick thighs, hips, belly and bottom, so I’m nervous about how that would look, I’m super self conscious about my weight and stuff. Also, I’m not the most heat-tolerating person and I don’t think I have the stamina to fursuit for very long. So I’m thinking of getting a partial instead. However, I love the look of digitigrade legs and that’s not really achievable with a full partial. I don’t want to get a 3/4 suit because I feel like for the price I would just get a full suit. My question is, if I got a full partial (head, handpaws, arm sleeves, feetpaws and tail), would I be able to get some big pants and put some padding in them to still get that digitigrade look without having to buy legs? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! -Unnamed dutchie. * * * Hi, Dutchie, I wouldn't worry about weight being an issue, as fursuits look great with padding and you have natural padding :-) But if you have problems with not being able to handle heat well, then yes, a full fursuit is going to be an issue and a partial is the way to go. If you are trying to save money but not getting digitigrade legs, I don't thing big pants with stuffing are the answer. For one thing, they will just look like baggy pants; for another, you're going to have quite a tough time keeping everything in place so it doesn't slip around and look odd. If you are going to get a head, paws, arm sleeves, and tail anyway, adding the legs isn't going to add much to the cost you're already putting out. You will look much better with a 3/4 fursuit, keeping the torso fur-free. Sometimes a bit of extra cash is just worth it. I don't think you'll be happy without the legs if you really want that digitigrade look. One way you might save some money is by shopping around for pre-owned paws, sleeves, and legs and just get the head customized. If you don't mind having different colors of fur on your fursona look, that could save you some money. Or, if custom paws are important, just look for used digitigrade legs and hide them under those baggy pants. You can also talk to your fursuit maker and see whether they have something on hand that either a client didn't buy or that didn't quite work out but might work under your pants and that they would sell at a discount to you. Happy Fursuiting! Papabear Hi, Papabear!
So I'm dealing with a issue lately. My parents keep on wanting me to not show my furry side of me. Its a long story but i will make it quick. My friend and I got in a huge fight over me just being a furry and my parents told me, "You can pretend to be a animal but dressing up as one has to stop." My heart just stopped for 1 sec. I just sat in my room and started to get mad because we are not animals and it's a insult. I know he did not mean to do it, but it still hurts. I really want to show him a Moms of Furries video. But I highly doubt he would watch all of it. So the only way I can seriously be a furry in any way is Zootopia. But that is what I thought... He got on me for THAT too! Now I can't be a furry and that's not fair. Now I just want to send cool art of anthro animals to my friends but no... I CAN'T (ugh). Hope you can help, GlaDOS the wolf age:11 * * * Dear GLaDOS, I've been receiving more and more letters from furries like you who are under 15 years of age. Unlike older furries, who are often out on their own, have transportation, and can socialize and be independent, being a very young furry can be difficult because you are under a lot of restrictions: you don't have much, or any, money, you can't hop in a car and go to a furmeet, and your parents control what you do while you are at home (an out in the world, too). That can be very frustrating. It is important to note, before I proceed, that most parents put various rules and restrictions on their children in an effort to protect them from harm. Some parents of furries forbid them from being furry because they have seen furry porn on the web and feel that it is a bizarre sex thing. Even if that is not the case, many parents forbid furriness because they just think "it's weird" and they are afraid of their children being bullied in school for being weird. They, like most people, are conformists--that is, they want to be "like everyone else" so that they are not rejected by society, and so they want the same for their children. "Normal" society is not imaginative, creative, or playful. "Normal" society is all about getting a college degree, getting a steady job, paying taxes, starting a family, and buying a house. In other words, boring. What many modern-day parents do not seem to understand is that imagination is important--especially in childhood, but also into adulthood. Imagination in childhood is exercised through play. Not the highly-organized, regimented play of, say, sports (sports are important for physical health and to learn teamwork, but not for imagination), which is so emphasized by our society, but the unstructured, creative play that is done naturally by most children until it is squashed out of their lives by parents, teachers, and peers. Pretending to be something else, role-playing, and costuming are all valid forms of play, and being furry is certainly one way of expressing this. Furry roleplay and costuming are beneficial for a number of reasons:
Parents who forbid their kids from doing things without explaining why usually find that this has the opposite effect on their children: the child wants to do that activity more than ever before. Bad parenting is the "Do it (or don't do it) because I said so." Ask your parents to give you a reason why you can't do fursuiting. Then give them the above reasons why it is actually a good and healthy thing to do. If they are afraid of your being teased by kids, well, if you are prepared for teasing then that is not an issue. (You can also explain furry benefits to your friend with the same list above). Remember, it is the creative people, the people who don't fit in a box, who are the most beautiful, shine the brightest, and live the loudest in this world. Good Luck, Hon, and Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear:
I met this guy on Twitter. We talk occasionally, have been for over a year. He contacted me for the first time shortly after I got my fursuit. He seems nice enough. But most of the time when we talk he wants to me to get out my suit and shake my fuzzy ass for the camera. Don't get me wrong, I love me suit, love taking it to cons and having fun but I don't get much enjoyment out of what he wants. It doesn't make me uncomfortable it's just a lot of work to get suited up and roll around on the bed for 30 minutes or so for his amusement/arousal or whatever. I feel like I'm being used here, he is a nice guy but I don't know how break it to him that I find these sessions a nuisance more than anything else. A hassle so he can ogle me like a piece of meat. I want this to stop but I'm bad at telling people no. How should I handle this? Sincerely, Typhon * * * Hi, Typhon, Good question :-3 As a fursuiter myself, I know what it takes to get in and out of one, and I totally get what you're saying. And it sounds like you're absolutely correct that this person just wants to get a bit of visual stimulation in a rather selfish way that has nothing to do with what you yourself want. Yeah, if I were you, I would feel a bit used, too. Let me ask you this: do you have some videos saved of you performing in suit? If so, you could simply offer to share some of those with him and see if that floats his boat. If he insists on a personal show, then the best way to handle it is to just tell him what you told me to the effect of this: "I'm flattered that you like my fursuit and I'm very proud of it, but getting in and out of it is really kind of a grueling process that takes a lot out of me. You might not understand that if you don't have a fursuit yourself, and this is exactly why not all furries have one (not to mention the expense). I would be happy to send you some photos of me fursuiting or a video, but I really don't care to do all that work for a one-person audience. I hope you'll understand." See what he says to that. If he gets all huffy and insulted or, worse, suddenly cuts you off or even blocks you, then you know that his was not a real friendship, sadly. If he says something like, "Oh! Sorry! I didn't realize that! Yes! I would love some photos of you in your fursuit, thank you very much!" Then all is well. Hope that helps! Papabear Dear Papabear,
I have this gnawing issue: I live in a country where fursuiters are scarce due to fur being extremely scarce. I eventually saw an opportunity to make my own fursuit when I got ahold of some nice furs and I did quite a good job at my first suit. Cue Furry X (FurX). Just as I started being noticed by our local community for my fursuit making abilities, FurX came into the picture. We at first started chatting as friends, which came from another turmoil I had with a really bad person and FurX was there to talk to about it. He also had a bad experience with this person. He eventually told me don't worry about the bad person because he's just like that and he does things like that to people. We eventually started becoming closer and closer friends, going out for drinks, going out on excursions. You know, just having friendly fun times together. Cue Boardgame convention (Bcon). So I was cash strapped and couldn't grab a ticket for the convention in time, and so was another friend of mine. FurX offered to grab the tickets for us if we paid him at a later time, which I saw no harm in at first. So we went to the convention. Both me and FurX suited; he had a suit he purchased from someone else just like me who started making suits. Time passed and I grew increasingly more busy. Eventually, FurX tried to strike a deal with me where I'll make him a pair of handpaws in exchange for the tickets he purchased for us for Bcon. I thought at first the admission for the tickets aren't the value of handpaws; they barely cover the costs, but seeing as we are friends why not. BIG MISTAKE. I had other commissions ahead of his; my other commissioners were fine with waiting a bit since they knew I was busy juggling full time studies with suit making. FurX eventually started pressuring me to finish his handpaws even though I explicitly said I do not have time. I was busy with my own bodysuit that I had planned long before this. I was studying during the day and working on my suit during nighttime; at the same time my gran's health was deteriorating very fast, and since she's the person who taught me a lot about my craft and how to sew and work the machine I wanted to get the suit done in time to show her. She was extremely proud of me making my head and handpaws. This all while FurX is constantly applying pressure to me to finish his handpaws, I was studying for mid-semester tests and trying to get my fursuit done in time for my favorite gaming convention (Gcon). My gran passed mere weeks before Gcon; I never got to show her my finished suit. The day Gcon started, I was writing a double test since my units were a bit messed up and I had to write two tests in one day. During the day, FurX would message me and ask about the handpaws. I didn't reply since I was stressed for the tests. Furthermore, I had LAN tickets, so I still had to pack my car with my PC and my suit and all my stuff for the weekend. I got home at around 4pm, dead tired from writing a double test series. I had to fur my feetpaws to have them done for Gcon. As I was busy furring them, FurX messaged me and I simply snapped. I cussed at him and told him he'll never get his handpaws if he talks to me the way he does, and I ended up blocking him. He didn't respond to this well; he started facebook shaming me and going onto every platform imaginable to slather my name and tell people what a horrible person I am. Luckily, the audience he reached knows me and they know what my situation is and promptly defended me. I was mad as hell for his super-inconsiderate actions and his entitlement to something that was actually done as a favor for him. I arrived at Gcon after a 30-min angry drive from home. I arrived at 7pm, tired and defeated, and still had to set my computer up. Luckily, my friends kept a place for me to sit. It was only after setting up that I received a message from another fur saying that FurX is really upset and that I shouldn't dare show my face at the annual Gcon furmeet we have. I spoke to a few other furs about it and decided I will make a point of going to this furmeet. I eventually pulled up my blow-up mattress and fell asleep ... at a LAN at 10pm I was exhausted after that day. The next day was exciting since it was my first time ever going in fullsuit to any kind of convention, and it was my first reveal to the community of my suit. I was nervous and excited. I had a wonderful day and I couldn't wait until the furmeet we have at night after Gcon, the very same one FurX tried to ban me from. I was at the meet. FurX showed up too, and I kept on chatting to my friend who went through the entire thing with me to help me remain calm. I wanted to approach FurX and give him a piece of my mind, but my friend stopped me. Eventually, came time to suit up. I got suited up and everyone loved my suit. It was one of the first suits at a furmeet, and since it was a relatively new thing I got a lot of attention for it. Until a point where FurX and his other friend started talking to me and picking my suit apart, showing all the errors and asking me things like “why didn't I do X or Y?” I brushed it off and moved on with my weekend. They weren't worth my energy and spoiling my afternoon to engage. I was a bit down after I unsuited though. The next morning, I decided to unblock FurX, and he got hold of photos of me at Gcon through the Facebook grapevine. He sent a picture to me outlining even more errors on my suit. I immediately responded with “Are you enjoying constantly showing errors in my suit?” to which he just responded, “No,” and the conversation ended there. So that is the brunt of the story, until this day over 3 years later there is still beef. I have tried on many occasions to just move on and be the mature adult—you know, shit happens; live and let live. He eventually started making his own fursuits. Probably to spite me or be better than me at fursuit making, to which I say, “Great, more fursuit makers!” But his constant growing jealousy of what he perceives of me being "famous" for fursuiting is growing worse and worse. I was approached by a local radio station for a live on-air interview with a group of other fursuiters of my choice. I didn't choose him, and why should I? We were also interviewed at our second annual con by a local magazine and I was one of the people that were specifically approached to be interviewed. FurX very angrily and slyly would glance at me and constantly walk past the table where I was being interviewed. I had a blast talking to the interviewer especially since we're both from the same cultural background, so we understood each other on a different level. FurX was intensively jealous of this. I eventually got a message from FurX saying he's surprised I didn't choose him to go on the air with me on the radio interview and that he's proud of my achievements. But at the end of the day that was exactly the reason I didn't choose him. I'm not pushing a personal propaganda I'm pushing the furry propaganda. I didn't go on the radio for myself; I went on the radio to represent the furry community. He wanted to be on the radio for the simple matter of being "popular." I have friends who tell me that he complains to them because all he wants to be is popular. But it's gotten to a toxic level where he oppresses even his own friends. One of his friends started making fursuits as well and their work is better received than that of FurX, and FurX made the new maker feel so bad for being better than him and the new maker took it up quite personal which upsets me because fursuit making isn't about who can make the best suits; it's about creativity and giving back to the community that we love. Being contributors. So I'm constantly dealing with FurX being condescending and passive aggressive toward me in a group where I am forced to be as an admin due to my status involving our convention. It's starting to grow worse and worse where he's targeting my messages and anything fursuit related he has some kind of comment to make, especially if I post it. But it extends to more than just this group. In general, he has become this person who just sucks the joy out of life. I feel sorry for him, I really do. Trust me, I've tried to make things right but I have eventually given up since I don't want to deal with him anymore. He just makes me negative and doesn't really listen to anything one says. He even steps on those trying to help him. People think that he's like this to me just because of our history and some people laugh it off and says, “You, too.” What I am ultimately asking for is advice. How can I just move on from this and get him to stop griping at me for being me? His jealousy is extremely toxic, and I've been trying to eliminate toxicity from my life. I'm so tired of this pettiness, and a single message from him can really ruin my entire day. I'm sure others see his aggressiveness toward me and see his ill intentions, but honestly I've been trying actively to get over this issue and every interaction with him is like one step forward and two steps back. Anonymous * * * Dear Writer, First, my condolences over the loss of your grandmother; she sounds like she was a sweet and supportive lady. I just wanted to say that before you read the rest of this, which I hope you will take as a wake-up call. It’s not difficult to see where you went wrong here. Actually, there are three places where you went wrong, at least, compounded by bad behavior on both parties. Let’s begin with my policy about money and friends/family. My mother wisely advised me years ago, “Never loan a friend or family member money; you either give them the money or you don’t. Do not expect it to be returned; provide it as a gift, and only give what you can afford to comfortably.” In your case, FurX offered to cover your entry into Bcon with the expectation that you would pay him back (a condition to which you agreed). I would never have done this. If I chose to help a friend get into a con, I would pay the way as a gift and never ask for the money in return. Or, as in the case with a room, I would offer to split the cost of the room, which helps the other person while not getting yourself into the quandary of having provided a loan. Loans are a recipe for destroying relationships, as you have found out too late. Your next mistake was agreeing to his offer that you make him forepaws in exchange for—according to you—the less valuable tickets he bought for you. Not only did you feel this was not an equitable trade, but you did not have the time to sew the paws as quickly as you should have, and you knew it, or really should have known it. Your third mistake was cutting off all communication with him. That is very unprofessional of someone who considers himself a businessman in the fursuit industry. You should always openly and honestly communicate with your clients, especially about the status of their commissions. You’re belief that you are doing FurX a favor is incorrect: you agreed to do a trade with him, entering into a business deal, which is not a favor, and you should have treated it as a business contract. From this point, things go precipitously downhill, with your making speculative claims that FurX decided to make fursuits to somehow spite you, and with your cutting him out of the interview you were asked to do, which was actually a wonderful opportunity to mend bridges if you had taken it. Given the three things above, I’m definitely leaning in favor of FurX’s point of view, not yours. That said, he has also behaved a bit immaturely by criticizing your fursuit-making skills, but at this point a bit of bitterness on his part is understandable. One wonders, as well: did you ever finish his paws? All you seem to care about is your own fursuit while simultaneously accusing FurX of wanting to be a popufur. Hmmm. Pot, meet kettle. You wish to move on? My advice is this: 1) If you haven’t already done so, finish his paws and give them to him; 2) apologize to him if you haven’t already (you don’t explain well how you tried to make amends); 3) stop being jealous, stop worrying about what he is doing, and focus on your own business. Stop worrying about who is a popufur and stop claiming that you have noble intentions to promote the furry fandom when it is quite blatantly obvious you are more concerned about your reputation as a fursuit maker. Finally, in the future, do not promise things you can’t or don’t want to deliver on. Sorry for this rather harsh letter, but you need to hear it. This is exactly the kind of drama that degrades the furry fandom, and you are contributing to it. FurX, if you are reading this, you would do well to drop this issue, too. Learn from it, and try not to repeat your mistakes. Good Luck to both of you in your future fursuit-making endeavors. Papabear Papabear,
Hello, so I've considered myself a furry for many years now. However, only since last week did I start taking more part in the community by attending my first furry event. While it was great, it was a bit overwelming, and afterwards I started to feel depressed. Figuring out what to do with it, I decided to try to make my first fursona as I wanted to get a fursuit for a convention that is coming up in a few months. However, no matter how much I try, I can never get anything to look good and properly reflect me. Feeling like time was running out, I gave up and decided to go towards an artistic liberty fursuit, only applying the species and one of the colors I want. The reference sheet the maker made was awesome, but the problem is that it isn't really my fursona 100%. Therefore I feel like it's wrong to wear it at the convention and that I might be judged for taking the lazy route. My plan was to take more time and really think about my fursona. After which, once I've saved up again, I'll go and get a new fursuit and use it for future conventions. The problem is I don't know where to start. I'm horrible at matching colors and choosing patterns. So not knowing where to start on a fursona, and the fact I'll be wearing a fursuit which wasn't my idea, is causing me to feel depressed and stressed out. Am I worrying too much about? How should I deal with all that is going on? Daniel * * * Hi, Daniel, Goodness, you're making yourself miserable about something that should be fun! I've encountered furries like you before. They tend to worry too much about what others will think and they are overly self-critical, believing they have no good ideas. A fursona (and fursuit) is a very personal thing. It should be about what you like and who you are, not what someone else thinks you should be. Wowser, that's what the fandom is about, man! Start with the basics: species (real, historical, mythical, hybrid, whatever floats your boat). Do you have a favorite animal? Most people do, or if you have a couple of animals you like, you might design a hybrid. What's your favorite color? That's also something that most people can easily say with some assurance. So, for the sake of this discussion, let's say you love kangaroos and your favorite color is blue. Suddenly you've got yourself a blue kangaroo (or if you think all blue is a bit much, you might go with tan but throw in some blue aboriginal patterns). Okay, now keep going. Keep adding things that you like. Maybe you think wings are cool, so now you've got a blue kangaroo with wings.... And you really like detective stories, so you add a fedora hat and a crumply tie and a Sam Spade personality. Now you need a name... Oh, you really liked the TV show "Knight Rider" because you thought the talking car (Kitt) was cool. Guess what? Now you've got a detective kangaroo with blue aboriginal markings and wings named Kitt Kangaroo as your fursona. Voila! Get the idea? Try not to envision your fursona and fursuit all at once. Take it bit by bit and slowly assemble them into what you love--something that is a personal expression of who you are. You likely don't have time to get a new fursuit done before your first convention, so just wear what you got and have fun. If people ask you about your fursuit, just say it's temporary until you get the new one, but in the meantime you just wanted to have some fun with fursuiting. Last word of advice, which I love to give to anyone who will listen: be more bearlike. Chill, relax, and enjoy. Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I go to school at Bastrop but they don't allow me to wear a tail is there a law that could help me be allowed to wear a tail at school? Twilight Wolf (age 15, Texas) * * * Dear Twilight Wolf, Schools are allowed to establish and enforce dress codes—up to a point. Under U.S. law, they cannot have dress codes that discriminate against people’s religion, race, sex, or gender. For example, a school cannot ban someone from wearing a yarmulke (kippah) or a hijab (niqab or burka). If you are transgender and wish to wear a dress, they cannot forbid that. If you are a Rastafarian, they cannot prohibit your hair being in dreadlocks because that is part of your faith. If you are a liberal in a conservative county, they can’t tell you that you can’t wear a pro-Democrat shirt. They can require clothing that promotes modesty and cleanliness. For example, they can prohibit short shorts and immodest skirts; they can prohibit the wearing of dirty and torn clothing; they can prohibit T-shirts with rude, hateful, racist, and disgusting words and images. Some schools go a little too far in the dress codes. For example, some schools in Texas forbid you to wear clothing that has the logo of a rival sports team. Such rules may exist simply because they have not yet been challenged, and if a student and their family did challenge them, they could very well win in court, but such challenges cost money. I noticed that, in Texas, some schools are okay with your coloring your hair an unconventional color, while others forbid it (one school district amusingly is okay with blue or green, but NO neon! LOL). Let’s talk about wearing tails and ears and such. These are not protected by laws regarding religion, race, politics, gender, etc. Some schools prohibit clothing that can serve as a distraction to other students, and furry stuff could definitely qualify in that category even if ears and tails are not explicitly forbidden in the dress code. Some school districts are more lenient than others. You’re in Texas, which is a notoriously conservative state. California—on the other end of the spectrum—is more lenient. There was a Fox News story a little while ago in which they were all upset that California schools allow ripped jeans, pajamas, and tube tops. I’m not sure how schools in this state feel about furry attire, but I bet they would be a bit more permissive. Even so, the stigma still exists even among California student bodies that furries are perverted and weird, and you will still get teased. Unfortunately, Twilight, the wearing of ears and tails at your school is not a right and not protected under the law, so you will have to leave your fun accessories at home. This is a lesson for you that schools in America are not about expressing your individuality; they are about conforming. If you think about it, being a nonconformist is one reason there are furries today :-3 Papabear What is the best cooling system brand to have for my costume?
Furveious * * * As you may know, there is a wide variety of them and they can range from $30 to $300. I have found that it is really not worth buying the more expensive products with motorized pumps etc. because, in the end, the cooling effect dissipates as the coolant in the vest warms up. Whether you buy a cheap or an expensive vest, this usually lasts about 2 hours, max. Try and find something lightweight that is easy to put on and take off for a moderate price, such as the FlexiFreeze Ice Vest, which is around $90. Be careful when you shop about the design. For example, the TechNiche International Adult HyperKewl vest advertises that it can keep you cool for 5-10 hours. However, it is designed to be worn on the outside because it needs air flow to work. If you are wearing it underneath a fursuit, therefore, it doesn't work! What I do with my cooling vest is I have two sets of ice inserts; I put on one and keep the other set in a cooler. Then, when the first pair melt, I switch them out and am good for another 2 hours. Happy Fursuiting! Papabear Hiya Papabear,
I wrote you a weeks... month? I'm not sure, I'm bad with time. Anyways, I wanted to let you know that I got my fursuit (fullsuit) and I absolutely couldn't be happier with it, you're advice really helped me and I thank you for that. Onto my actual question, well... its not easy to explain but I'll try to keep it short. I grew up in a very isolated household where my parents weren't around often, me and my two brothers pretty much learned to fend for ourselves growing up. Because of this experience I kind of forced myself to be strong and try to make everything ok because back then I couldn't afford to be soft. This unfortunately has followed me throughout life, I seem to be unable to show my true emotions. I know I'm sensitive and am often hurting, but for some reason I am completely unable to outwardly show it. I can't cry, I can't even tell people what's wrong, my instinctual response to when anyone asks me if something is wrong, is to say "nothing" and "I'm fine" or sometimes its just "Don't worry about me, I'm tough" and these are all lies. Ugh, this is already getting to long and I'm sorry for that. But there's a prime example, I feel like I'm not worth anyone's time, I'm not worth help. And this st ems from my childhood as well as other experiences I've had, because the few times I've actually opened up to people, they've left because they didn't want to deal with me. All these things have led me to just build a wall around myself and not let anyone see the real me, and because I've been doing it for the majority of my life, I'm not even sure what the "real me" is anymore. I've sought out therapy and medicine, neither worked so I stopped. At this point I'm just kind of forcing my way forward day by day pretending I'm fine when I'm not. Sorry about the potentially unnecessary backstory. My question is this, how do I let people in? How do I open up to people who want to help me? I'm terrified of what will happen when I do, I'm terrified if I stop being what I am now, there isn't anything left. What do I do? Kayne * * * Dear Kayne, I'm glad to hear my earlier response was helpful to you; thanks for telling me :-3 Yes, having a difficult childhood can certainly lead to the problems you're currently experiencing. As you say, you had to be tough to survive your travails, and now this toughness has become entrenched into your personality. Fortunately, I would not say you are suffering from an emotional or mental health issue because you do feel emotions (and I assume they are appropriate emotions); you just are unable to let them out. What we have here, then, is a habit issue. You have programmed yourself not to show emotions to other people and you can't figure out how to break this habit. How do you break a bad habit? One classic way to do so is to replace it with a good habit. I suggest you already have such a habit available to you now: fursuiting! When you feel the need to express yourself, do so in fursuit. Being in fursuit (and in character) allows you to reduce or eliminate feeling self-conscious about your emotions because you have a secure barrier around you, so to speak, to protect you from feeling judged. When people react to what you are doing, they are reacting to your fursona and not "you," you see. This is the same method that actors on stage use. Many actors are quite shy in person, but when they are in character on stage or in front of a camera, they have a tool for letting out their emotions. And you don't always have to do this while wearing your fursuit. You can also do it while just being your fursona in, say, roleplaying games online. You might think this is "hiding," but what it really is, is a way for you to rehearse and exercise your emotions. Just like working a flabby body gives you stronger muscles, exercising your self-expression will improve it over time. By doing so under the protection of your fursona, you will get lots of solid practice on how to openly let out your feelings to others in a relatively safe and productive way. Another method you can use in concert with the above is to practice expressing emotions in a private setting. While no one else is around, go into your bedroom or bathroom and practice all sorts of emotional outbursts: cry, scream in anger, laugh out loud, express passion, express anguish. It is important to do this out loud and not in your head. Talk to the mirror about what is frustrating you or bringing you happiness or sadness. You can also try doing this with a plush toy or other object. Talk to, say, a teddy bear and tell it you hate it, you love it, it's driving you crazy, whatever you're feeling inside. Let it all out. Keep doing these things over and over and eventually you will become comfortable enough to wean yourself off the teddy bear and fursona and begin expressing yourself to others as yourself. Do this on your own schedule and don't push yourself and don't give yourself unrealistic expectations or deadlines. This could take weeks, months, even years to happen, but it will happen if you keep at it diligently. Good Luck! Hugs, Papabear |
Categories
All
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
|