At 18, He Feels It Is Time to Talk to Parents about Being Furry

Hello Papabear!

I just turned 18 back in March. I waited for this moment so I could finally earn cash from the government due to my autism. I discovered furries when I was 8, and I loved the entire idea with my whole heart; this has not changed, luckily :D

Lately, I've been really thinking of making a fursuit head, paws and feet. I want to dance to songs as my fursona and share it on the internet. However, here's the catch: My parents do not know that I am a furry, nor do they know what a furry is. My room is filled with a bunch of furry art; they don't really think much about it other than it being childish. The problem is that if I'll buy materials, my mother will ask me what I am up to. She REALLY likes to have control on everything she can lay her hands on, including my privacy.

I just want to make my own fursuit without my parents questioning what the hell am I or how weird this is. How should I handle this? Should I just tell them or wait till I live at my very own house?

Sincerely,
Raine

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Hi, Raine,

Thank you for your letter. 

Let's go through this step by step. Now, the only way you're going to collect Supplemental Security Income due to being on the spectrum would be if your autism is severe enough to qualify you as disabled. So, you would have to be on the low-functioning end of the spectrum. Even over age 18 and being certified as disabled, you're probably only receiving like $500 to $900 a month (the federal maximum is currently $943/month), yes? Not enough to live on. You're likely going to continue living with your parents, unless you have a job with some good income, but you do not mention that; and if you did, it would probably indicate you're not exactly disabled. 

If I am correct on this, it means your parents are probably going to be pretty protective of you because they know they have a lot of responsibility for your well-being even though you are 18 now. What you see as Mom wanting to "have control on everything she can lay her hand on, including my privacy" is really her being overprotective. I would bet money on that. And she likely knows more about your interest than you think, seeing as you've been into it for 10 years while living under your parents' roof (I mean, they can't be so dumb that they don't have a clue about your interests, right?)

Because she is very protective, she is going to be wary of Furries and will probably — like most parents — make the wrong assumptions. The good news is that she (and your dad, I presume) seem pretty tolerant of your furry stuff so far, not seeing it as a danger but just as something kind of childish. So, what you need to do is educate her a bit about the fandom. A very good introduction to the fandom is a free YouTube documentary by Ash Coyote at The Fandom: A Furry Documentary Full Movie. It provides a good background on the fandom, lots of interviews, and a solid sense of what Furries are about. Watch it. Then, if you agree it's good, ask your parents to watch it with you. Use it as a starting point for discussion about Furries and why you like this fandom.

Once the lines of communication are open, you can have an honest conversation about it. Remember, there is nothing for you to be ashamed of here, so don't act embarrassed in front of your parents. The fandom is something that literally hundreds of thousands of people across the planet are involved in, including this 60-year-old bear. It is a place for a bit of escapism, indulging one's imagination, having fun, and making friends, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Make sense? Write again if you have further questions. Or you can also tell them to write me directly. I'd be happy to talk with them.

Big Bear Hugs,

Papabear