[Papabear notes, "This is a follow-up on yesterday's letter."]
Hello Papabear, I got your answer to my question. I have another issue. I do draw furry XXX artworks, but only for clients and my own emotion purposes. But others just take my sketchbook, look without my permission, and then they have a different perspective of me after. Also I am not gay or any other sexuality (I am blank, yes it's a sexuality that has been passed from gen to gen). So, is there any advice or tips you could give me to help with this issue? I also like herm and futanari [the Japanese term for androgyny or hermaphroditism] art, but people call me sick and "un-godly" because of it. Much appreciated, Buster * * * Hi, Buster, There is nothing wrong with X-rated artwork when kept to adults. I don't know how people are getting a hold of your art without your permission, but my first advice to you would be to keep it under wraps a lot better than you apparently do. My second impression is that what we have here are "holier than thou" derps who pass judgment on you after, in essence, stealing from you and violating your privacy (hmm, such a noble way to behave, right). Next, I would like to say that most people I've met who use the word "un-Godly" are hypocrites. They pass judgment on others in direct violation of the Bible's command that the only person who has that right is God Himself. Americans (and I presume you are writing to me from the USA) have a peculiar hang-up about sex. They call this natural function "obscene," but have no problem with violence and bloodshed, nor do they seem to have a problem with capitalism, an obscene system that violates the very heart of Jesus' teachings (there is nothing more obscene to me than a rich televangelist standing in a multi-million dollar megachurch, wearing an expensive suit, and insisting that the poor give him 10% of their money). Papabear believes that people who insult your work and call you names do so because what you draw makes them uncomfortable. Know why? I'd bet you $100 right here and now that it turns them on, and that makes them uneasy, so to deflect their discomfort they turn it into insults and hurt your feelings. Kind of reminds me of this list: http://www.ranker.com/list/top-10-anti-gay-activists-caught-being-gay/joanne. The ones who protest the most are usually the vilest of the bunch. It is interesting to me, though, how you talk about your artwork. You describe yourself as "blank" sexually (meaning asexual? without sexual desire?), yet X-rated art satisfies some emotional need in you. Indulge me while I explore that a little. To Papabear, sexuality is a beautiful thing, and a pleasurable thing. The only time it is "obscene" or "un-Godly" is when it is rape or other types of abuse. But when it is between consenting adults it is one of the few wonderful pleasures we have in this world. The naked form is also an expression of freedom. Recently, I had the opportunity to go to a nude beach and swim naked in the Pacific Ocean. It was very freeing and wonderful. Furthermore, there is nothing as touching nor as socially bonding as the merging of two bodies into one (or, hehe, maybe three). Perhaps you, like me, find sensual expressions like this liberating and beautiful, as well. Since your motivations are in no way prurient, they are in no way "obscene" as you have been accused of. Buster, when you face such criticisms, consider the source. If you have no respect for those criticizing you (and I feel you shouldn't), then their opinions should not matter. If the person saying these things is someone you respect, then take them by the paw and take the time to explain to them how they misunderstand what you do when you draw or paint. Most of all, do not let others define who you are. Look inward. That is the source of the only opinion that matters. Hugs, Papabear
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Papabear,
I know that I've been a furry for a long time, and when I draw furry art people always call me "gay" or "pervert," and they make fun of the fur fandom a lot as well. How do I deal with this? Any help you can give will be helpful. Buster * * * Hi, Buster, It hurts when others make fun of us and what we do. We are programmed to want to seek the approval of others, to belong in a social group with others, and to be liked and loved. When this is combined with the fact that there are those who delight in being cruel and deprecating to others because it makes them feel better about themselves, you have a nasty combination that is perfect for making one feel like a total outcast. These people calling you “gay” and “pervert,” I’m guessing they are neither furries nor gay. The first thing you do, then, is be around your own kind as much as possible. One reason I moved to Palm Springs is because the majority of the men here are gay and older. I am no longer a minority and people don’t shout “fag!” on the street because I’m walking with my boyfriend. Same goes with being at furcons. People don’t laugh at you because everyone there is a furry, too. Of course, you can’t live your life at a furcon (sad to say), but you can as much as possible hang out at furmeets in your area. Now, I don’t know if you are gay or if people just call you that, but if you are, you should also try and hang out with people who are more like you and more understanding and sympathetic. Even if you do all this, though, you can’t avoid running into non-furries (mundanes) and straight people. They are kinda everywhere LOL. The best way to confront people like that is head on. If you are gay, say, “Yes, I’m gay, you’re point being what?” The reason they taunt you is to hurt you; if they see you cannot be hurt by their juvenile behavior, they will slink away like the lowly vermin they are. If you’re not gay, just tell them to fuck off because you’re late for your date with your girlfriend. As for being a “pervert,” you don’t say what type of art you’re drawing, but if it’s just G furry art, you can say, “Show me one thing that is perverted about what I’m drawing? It’s no more perverted than a Warner Brothers cartoon with Bugs Bunny not wearing clothes. Lots of people who draw animals make good money, becoming animators and cartoonists. At least I have a skill and I’m proud of my abilities.” This works the same as confronting the gay taunts. Bullies only do this because they want to see your reaction. When they find their strategy ineffective, they will quickly become bored and move on. If you draw R and X stuff, well, you probably shouldn’t be drawing that where anyone can see it, anyway. I’m guessing that’s not the case, though, and you’re drawing just regular furry characters. You aren’t doing anything wrong by being furry and drawing furries. Time to get your Grrr on and be unashamed of who you are, which is a person who is much better than the petty, hateful bullies who are trying to get a reaction out of you because their own lives are pathetic and spiteful. Big Bear Hugs of Love, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I need some advice on helping a family member who lost 2 loved ones recently—well the family member is my aunt. She just lost her aunt & uncle 1 week apart from each other & she seems really up set & depressed. I want to help her, but I don’t know how I can help her. Thank You, Specs Wolf * * * Dear Specs, Papabear extends his sympathies to you and your family on your recent loss. It is never easy when a family member or other loved one passes. The older we get, the more losses we experience, too, and often the loss of someone one generation ahead of us, or the same generation, makes us weep not only for the person who has died but also for what feels like the loss of our past, the loss of a little bit of ourselves. This reminds us that we are growing older, which can be depressing. One of Papabear’s beliefs is that the difference between being old and being young isn’t a matter of years, but rather, it is the difference between looking ahead and looking back. When we are young, we look forward to the future because so much of it lies ahead of us; when we get older and have many years of memories behind us, we get in the habit of looking behind more and more. The secret to staying young and optimistic, then, is to train our visions toward what is ahead of us and, too, what is with us right now in the present. Specs, Papabear is very touched by your concern for your aunt. The best thing you can do for her right now is show her that, although she has lost two people dear to her, she has a lot to be happy about right now. She has you! And, I’m sure, other family and friends who care about her. Make sure that she is surrounded as much as possible by loving friends and family. This doesn’t mean that she should forget her aunt and uncle. Another thing you can do is to help her celebrate their lives. You might be familiar with the tradition of the Irish wake, which is just so wonderful to this bear’s mind. What they do, instead of moaning and moping about, is celebrate the life of the dear departed with food, drink, song, and dance. You can, in any way you feel is suitable, help your aunt celebrate the lives of the ones she loved. Perhaps she can donate to a charity in the name of one of those who has passed, or plant a tree in loving memory to each and look forward to watching that tree grow and prosper. Whatever it is, just being with her and showing you care will be a great help. Thank you for caring, Papabear Papabear,
I have recently come to realize I have some furry in me in the past years. Thankfully I'm in a relationship with someone who is also learning the same about himself. We don't have anyone here we've talked to about this, so I thought to look for a forum online to share with like minded people. Sadly, my first time out in a chat, I was answering another's questions and another (previously, non-commenting) got all up in arms because (yet) another got mildly offended. Not really a welcoming. Now I feel a bit gun shy about saying anything, anywhere in any company because someone is always going to be offended. Is there any hope? Dubious, Kiki * * * Hi, Kiki, I'm a little confused here, so if you could clarify? Were you on some kind of furry chat and a furry was mean to you? Could you describe the situation in a little more detail? Thanks! Papabear * * * Papabear, Sorry for the confusion. Yes on a furry chat, but I wouldn't say someone was “mean to me.” Though, it bothered me enough, when that when I came across your advice column I thoughts I'd ask. Ultimately it really boils down to a fairly new identified furry just looking for a place to talk to other like-minded people. Lacking in a scene where I live, and no one really about to talk to... interwebs is really the only option for outward expression. My partner/owner/master (and yes, husband) and I have recently discovered we both have a bit of furry in us. (It worked out pretty great, huh?) Last week or so, I started perusing the web more to see more about the culture as whole. I came across a chat, joined in and immediately met people who you can admit "yes, I like to be a kitten" to. One individual was asking general questions, which I started to answer, in what I considered way mellow and vague answers. Long story short, someone not making any comments until this point, got jealous (sadly, she was without an owner). the stick that bother me was that then another lurker jumped immediately in that things should be rubbed in that offend people, etc. I tried to explain that I had no way of knowing this other had issues, and of course the latter continued their argument and even got political and religious nonsense. I remember when aol first took the US by storm, and I am not a naive person when it comes to the internet Bottom line, I guess, is just that it really sucked to find a place where I could ask questions, get advice and just socialize with others and things got ridiculously whack. Now, over a week later, I cant believe it bothered me so. But I still find I don't really want to say anything because someone is bound to get offend at anything and everything. Sorry, to be long winded about it. It just sucks that the first time out to get a proverbial herring slap to the face. Thank you for your time in responding. Guess I'm just fustrated at keeping the ol mouth trap shut, especially when its about something that makes you feel good. with thanks, Kiki belonging to one Capt. Lupe Del Bosque * * * Hi again, Kiki, Okay, well, it sounds to Papabear that maybe you just chose the wrong place to start chatting. There are many many many chat forums and boards all over the Internet, and some are better than others. There are many flamers and trolls out there in cyberspace and you have to watch out for them. Papabear recently got burned bad by them, and I share your pain. Personal attacks from people you don’t even know are especially hurtful and cruel, and I feel there is a special place in Purgatory reserved just for those people who are haters without a cause. But there is hope! There are some furry boards that are safe and sane. One of the places that is really great is http://furry4life.org/. This site has been, for me, pretty drama free, especially if you choose to join (or create) a group that is more catered to your interests (I’m in the Greymuzzle group, for example). There are also some safe places to chat on Facebook, if you join the right groups there. Furries for Life on FB (https://www.facebook.com/groups/311636512250169/) is the FB version of the site mentioned above. So, don’t write off chatting online with furries because of one initial bad experience. Instead, try out various social sites where you can mix with furries, find which ones are best suited to you, and avoid those with lots of flaming (FYI, I recently learned that there are a lot of trolls who comment on Flayrah. Flayrah is in itself a great news site, but I would avoid commenting on their columns. I got burned bad there). I hope this helps! Hugs! Papabear As some of my readers know, Papabear is working, along with several furiends, to launch the American Furry Association. Recently, a story about the AFA was posted on Flayrah. There were many negative comments about the idea of the AFA posted after the article, including some personal attacks on me basically calling me incompetent. At first, I responded to the attacks, but that was a mistake because it just resulted in more hateful responses, so I withdrew them from the comments board.
This was not my first negative experience with the fandom. When I first started this column, it was noticed by the hosts of FurCast, who quickly began mocking me and my efforts. I called into the show and they apologized, but I had to wonder, still, why furries (and humans in general, let's face it) feel a need to hurt people, especially people who are trying to do some good in the world? I think people are questioning my motivation. I suspect that people are just thinking that I'm out to get attention and to be a popufur. Let me tell you all, then, why I do this. When I was a cub, I was very much the outcast. People made fun of me all the time and I had few friends. It got so bad that, when I was a freshman in college, I felt so discouraged and alone that I bought four bottles of sleeping pills, swallowed them all, and went to bed, fully intending to die. Fortunately for me, I overdid the dose so much that my body rejected all the medication. I vomited heavily in my sleep so hard I woke up a roommate who quickly took me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. I spent many years after that trying to come around and be positive again about life. Then, when I turned 40, I came to the late realization that I was gay. I struggled with this for some time until I finally confessed to my then-wife, which led to my divorce. It has been nearly three years since my divorce, and I am still struggling with it. In both cases I felt very alone and in pain. My mother was very angry with me for a long time for my suicide attempt. Many people wouldn't talk to me. Later, when I discovered I was gay, I experienced the strange sensation of going from a majority in this country (white, straight, Christian) to a minority (gay, well still white LOL, but pagan). I have questioned everything about my life, including God. I am now 47, and I am just now beginning to feel like my life is getting under control again, but it has been a very lonely road in many cases. In the fandom, I have made some very good friends. I find furries, for the most part, to be good people who have extended their paws to me and given me a hug. When a number of the younger furries began asking my advice, I thought that maybe my experiences and what I have learned could help them. I talked to them online, and, eventually, I started "Ask Papabear." My only motivation is to help furries who are in pain and share with them what I have learned from my own pain so that they don't feel alone as I did. Let me please emphasize here that I make NO money on the column, I do not EVER charge for my advice. Indeed, because I spend money advertising, this is COSTING me money. The idea for selling some Papabear items was to recover some of my advertising costs, but no one is buying them, so it doesn't matter. I also started seeking other ways I could help. I had a number of ideas, such as starting my own furcon and starting a furry arts school, but after exploring the idea I concluded they really wouldn't work for one reason or another (people are criticizing me for "not following through" with these plans, but why would I want to spend money on an idea that was not viable?) But then I had the idea for the AFA, which is a nonprofit to help other furries. I am still working on this idea, hoping to get it launched next year, but I am optimistic. The AFA, too, is not something I make money on. I have paid over $200 in fees of my own money so far and anticipate paying upwards of another $900 of my own cash before it is up and running. The reason for the AFA is the same as my column: I want to help. It hurts me deeply that so many furries out there seem threatened by a project that is so well meaning, but I guess that is just the way of the world. I want you all to know that I am going to proceed, with help, on my goal of forming a national furry organization. There will always be detractors, there will always be people who will question me and think, for some bizarre reason I cannot comprehend, that I am out to do some sort of evil upon the furry world. That really does hurt my feelings. I guess some people just like hurting others. But it will not break my resolve to help the good furries out there who want it. It is my hope that at least some of you will understand what I am trying to do. Love you, Papabear Hello Papabear,
I have been having some issues with my mate. I moved in with him a year ago and things were great at first then I slowly found out things about him: he would choice to watch yiff instead of being intimate, he would lie about things, borrow money from places and not say a word; he would lie through his teeth all the time. I lost so much trust for him; he would enjoy himself while I was at work. then lie. When we made love, I would cry and he would say he’d stop for our relationship; then the second I walk away he goes and does it again; he would lie until I proved it. I finally got him to stop for about a week now, but other things came up. We were behind on the rent thanks to his borrowing, so I asked my dad for help. I got in so much shit for him and my dad put the money into his account. It didn’t go through to the man we pay the rent to, so today I said, "We are going to the bank to get it sorted." He flat out refused .... I ignored it, then I get a text from him: "What should I bring home for tea?" I said back to him, "Money in your account is for the rent, you haven’t spent it have you?" He had been buying himself snacks; he says he wouldn’t have "eaten into our rent," but honestly I know he is a big liar, I rang him and told him off. I mean, it wasn’t even his money to spend! I don't know what to do. We have to move in with my family soon because of money issues, and I don't trust him. I used to trust him with money, but now I don't. What should I do? Sparkal * * * Dear Sparkal: Papabear thinks you know what to do. This guy is not good in bed, he is cheating you on money, and he lies about all of it. What, in all the gods’ names, do you see in him? This will be my shortest reply ever for this column. Dump the jerk, kick him out, do so post haste, and get on with your life. He’s a bum and you deserve better. Good luck! Papabear Dear papa bear,
I have just recently become interested in becoming a furry after hearing about them on [the television series] “Taboo.” I could hardly wait to find out more and become one myself!!:) I am new too all of this and was wondering if you would tell me more about it.... How to become a furry? How to create my fursona? What is the best animal for me?.. (I have thought of a couple but still haven't decided) and what do furries do? I would love if you emailed me back and told me more about being a furry along with answers my questions. so I can become part of the furry community:) --Rissa * * * Dear Rissa, Thank you for your letter, and welcome to the furry fandom (bear hugs). I am familiar with the episode of “Taboo” that drew your interest. Like many television shows that have talked about furries, it leaves a lot out. There is a lot more to it that fursuits and furry art and fiction. So much that I can’t really explain it all in one letter. To start, it would help you to read up a little on our history. Here are a couple of articles online you can peruse: “An Informal History of Furry Fandom” at http://www.furrydolphin.net/2009_files/furry-history.html and The Wikifur history article at http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/History. (Wikifur is an excellent place for you to browse and learn about the fandom in general). You don’t have to really do anything to join the furry community. We are not formally organized in any way. If you love anthropomorphic beings in one form or another and have an interest in being part of the community, then you are a furry by default. You don’t have to be a fursuiter (only about 20% of us are), or an artist, or a writer, unless you wish to be. You can just be a fan. In Papabear’s experience, though, there are basically two kinds of furries: those who simply enjoy the art and stories and games and such (hobbyists), and then there are those who have a more spiritual sense of furry (lifestylers)—who have more of a connection to animals and for whom there is much deeper personal, even religious meaning. The latter tend to be more picky about their fursonas than the former, and, indeed, having a fursona is not a requirement to be a furry, either. But if you DO wish to have a fursona and are having trouble figuring it out, you might want to read one of my earlier columns: http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/05/choosing-a-fursona.html. You can also read some of my other letters about being a furry on this website. Because the fandom has grown so much and diversified since its modern roots in the 1980s, you will come across many opinionated furries who will try and tell you what a furry is and what a furry isn’t. Don’t listen to any of them; they are the negative side of the fandom. Furry is what you want it to be, whatever you make of it. On the positive side (which is the majority), furries are an inclusive group: we welcome all races, religious beliefs, sexual orientations, nationalities, political opinions, etc. Everyone is welcome, as long as they are into anthropomorphic animals, which, to this bear’s mind, is the only fundamental requirement for being a furry. After all, if you din’t like anthros, you wouldn’t be here. As to the question “What do furries do?” there are a number of things, including attending furcons and furmeets, creating art, fursuiting, participating in online communities, donating to charities (usually animal charities), mascoting (a number of furries are also professional mascots), producing radio shows and short films, performing in variety shows, going out in public and making goofs of ourselves, making friends, and just having fun! As with any large and diverse group, I do have to warn you that you will run across some furries who are just plain jerks and drama queens. Some people “leave the fandom” in a hissy fit because they get annoyed by these people, which is sad because it’s not the fandom that is to blame, it is a minority of the individuals in it who can sometimes ruin it for people. Fortunately, these derps are easy to recognize, and, once you spot them, just run the other way. After all, “leaving the fandom” is not a solution to escaping derps—they are everywhere in the world. Papabear loves the furry community because it has brought more friends into his life than he ever had before. It can be the same way for you, Rissa. There is much for you to explore! In addition to the Wikifur site I mentioned above, another good way to find out what is going on is the furry news sites Flayrah.com and FurryNewsNetwork.com, and you can also listen to such podcasts as FurWhatItsWorth.com and FurMedia (www.livestream.com/FurMedia/). In addition, next year I am hoping to get the nonprofit organization the American Furry Association off the ground, part of which will focus on helping to introduce new furries like you to the fandom. Stay tuned about that! I hope this helps, Rissa. Feel free to write any time if you have more questions. Bear Hugs, Papabear Papabear,
My question to you is: IS there a such thing as being TOO YIFFY? I asked this on a facebook group, Furries. Reason I asked this was because of most of the local younger furs are telling me I'm too YIFFY. But in turn they are doing the same thing, showing affections towards each other in public, and it's cool for them. But when I do it, I'm called perverted. --Coony * * * Dear Coony, Ain’t THAT a double standard they’re laying on you! LOL. So, it’s okay for them to be yiffy but not you because you’re older than they are? That’s a big ol’ “WTF?” in this bear’s book. (Now, to be clear to my readers, Coony is simply talking about public displays of affection, such as hugging and kissing, not yiff in terms of fornication.) Papabear's feeling here is that you are being discriminated against because of your age. They are essentially saying that it is only cool for cubs to kiss and hug and greymuzzles should stand back, because, I guess, we might remind them of their parents, and who wants to think of their parents being affectionate in public? The young furs in your group need to get over themselves. It really gets my goat--to use and old expression (UPMO, for those cubs who love abbreviations so much)--whenever young people think they are superior. So, I'm gonna start a new feature here, called my Weekly Bear GRRRR at the world. Here's this week's WEEKLY BEAR GRRR! "Youth is not a virtue, nor is old age a sin." --Papabear Of course, Papabear is taking the risk of insulting a large part of my readership. So be it. I am not saying all youth are like this, not at all, but there is a problem with many young people thinking they are the bee's knees (shit don't stink). I'm not blaming them entirely for this attitude. Today's Americans are part of a neurotic society in which kids are not challenged because we don't want to hurt their self-esteem, they go to schools that are dumbed down so everyone can get a passing grade (I mean, they allow calculators in math class, for God's sake!), and they are part of a youth-worshipping culture that is geared entirely to teens and twenty-somethings when it comes to TV, music, movies, and so on. So, no wonder they think a lot of themselves. They are constantly told they are amazing, even in those cases when they don't deserve it. On the other paw, we have a huge disconnect where a large part of the young population is still suffering from depression and low self-esteem when they cannot match up to the illusion of beauty and popularity displayed on the glowing screen. I see this a lot in my column. This is fortified by bad parenting (there's a LOT of that going on) in which parents are falling down on the job of raising their kids, many parents even being abusive to their children. The result: by and large, from what Papabear has seen, we have very few well-adjusted young people in this country. I'm not blaming them by any means. They are at a gross disadvantage because they are being poorly raised and educated. I think, actually, that many kids recognize this, at least subconsciously, and that is why they act out or, perhaps, become furry: they are seeking an escape from what their instincts tell them is a psychotic society. This is a long, desultory explanation to get around to my point. Coony, you are basically the target of a neurotic society. These young furs have been brainwashed into thinking that being older is an ugly thing and that older people shouldn't be affectionate. Perhaps their own parents are nasty people and so they cannot come to grips in their mind that not all older people are cold, cruel, or uncaring, so they mock your actions (mocking is an instinctive defense when people are ignorant of or confused by a behavior they cannot comprehend). Perhaps they just buy into the whole Hollywood image (you don't see old people kissing on screen much) and are amazed that you don't fit that mold. In short, YOU are not the problem and you are NOT a pervert, Coony. This world NEEDS more affection, more love, more hugs (as my friend Pawfan would say), and more kisses. We need LESS hate, less prejudice (including ageism), less callousness and cruelty. Papabear happens to know you personally, Coony, and you are a sweet sweet furry. Don't ever change. You should set yourself as an example to these cubs and pups! Here are some hugs and kisses for you (young people, avert your eyes or they might melt in your eye sockets!) HUGS, KISSES, LICKS, YIFFS! Papabear Hello agiain Papabear
I'm back again with another issue. I am a smoker. My mate is not. It is hard for him to understand my decision because we both have lost people near and dear to us to lung cancer. I know that the old "it relieves my stress" thing is a cop out, but it does so for me. I have also quit before and I know I can do it again. Should he respect my decision, or should I quit? I know he is only looking out for me, but this is my choice. Thanks Again, BlazeNeko aka Blaze * * * Dear Blaze, It is, indeed, your choice to smoke, and it is not illegal to smoke. You don’t provide any reasons why you smoke, other than it relieves stress. There are many ways you can relieve stress other than smoking: exercise, meditation, a vacation/break from the routine, soothing music, certain herbal remedies, trying to change the situation that is causing you stress, and so on. All of these things are not only not dangerous, but are actually good for you. Yet, you have chosen a way to relieve stress that is a health risk to the point of being lethal, as you well know. Furthermore, allowing yourself to continue to smoke just makes you a tool—a tool of the cigarette industry that unnecessarily puts nicotine into cigarettes in order to get you hooked on something that is bad for you. Also, because of additional taxes placed on cigarettes in order to discourage smoking, you are paying a premium on every pack (the average is $5.50 in the U.S., or $55.00 a carton, and in New York you pay about $12 a pack or $120 a carton; if you are smoking 2 packs a day, that’s costing you about $4,000 a year or more), which makes you even more of a tool. Oh, and let’s not forget something else that’s important: you’re exposing your mate to cigarette smoke, thus endangering his health, too, against his will. Do you really enjoy being the tool of a murderous corporate scam? Do you enjoy making yourself and your mate sick? Especially when there are alternatives to smoking to reduce your stress? Yes, you have free will to smoke or not to smoke. It really depends on how much of a derp you are. Am I being harsh? In this case, you bet. I’m being as rude to you now as you are being to the mate you supposedly love. Think about it. Then quit. Papabear Dear Papa Bear,
I have a question on how to achieve success in the world today. I've been trying to succeed for years with typical "bear morals," you know, honesty, love, compassion, credit to others' work and not steal it, etc. But I've began to lose hope in that code of standards. I'm a bear in spirit and fursona/human wise but... I notice how dishonest hearts always win. Today being honest and doing the right thing, is total BS nowadays. It's like hunter VS. prey, kill or be killed. I read about artists in the music world, how they sometimes steal music from other artists that were SUPPOSED to have the song as their own produced by a selected producer(s) but another artist takes it and claim it as theirs before the original artist release it or finish recording the project. THOSE music artists become successful far more than the original artist by stealing their work or if the producer decides another singer deserves it more than the original. For example, Rihanna's "We Found Love" was originally meant for a lesser known artist. Though she didn't steal it but the producer/Electronic-Dance DJ, Calvin Harris, felt Rihanna would be a better candidate. Which he was right unfortunately for the original singer. I know it's dishonest and not right to achieve my goals in life in this way, but when evil looks so good... it's very tempting... an evil desire or temptation to strife for the blood of who ever in the same situation as you but only cause them to fail to improve your success to climb to the top. Things got worst for me, all the "love" I gave and attempt to success in the "good" way, I felt was a total waste of time and instead I should've cheated my way through everything... even use a few people to my advantage... I don't know what to do, maybe you know? Sincerely, Anonymous Bear * * * Dear A. Bear, An interesting dilemma that has potential answers from a narrow to a broad perspective. Let’s start from the narrow and work our way up a bit. That is, the idea about songs being taken from one artist and recorded by another who then makes a success of it. This is not a new practice in recent times by any means. In fact, many remakes of songs have been more successful than the originals. The Beatles even called Elton John’s remake of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” a more successful rendition than their own. Here are some others:
In short, this sort of thing happens all the time in the music biz. Producers don’t care who first wrote or performed the song; they are looking for the person who can give them the best version, sing it the best, and make the most money on it. Did they “steal” it? Depends on what the contract says. If you have a case where someone stole your copywritten song, take them to court. Copyright infringement cases are also a mainstay of the music industry (I always think of George Harrison being sued for “My Sweet Lord”). If someone took one of your songs and recorded it, making money off of it, then they need to pay you royalties. The case you cite about Rihanna is a case in point of the above. You even admit that nothing was stolen; the producer simply decided that Rihanna would perform the song better and handed it off to her. You even admit that the decision was the right one to make. So, the person originally promised the song didn’t get a “fair shot,” but maybe they wouldn’t have done as good a job and didn’t deserve it. Bear, you need to remember that music is not burned onto CDs and downloaded onto iPods for the sake of beauty and love and kindness in the world. It is done to make money. You yourself, I suspect, are in it for the money, or you wouldn’t be upset by this. If you were writing and performing music simply for the love of music, you wouldn’t care who made money off of it because it would be your gift to the world. I doubt that is how you feel; you are seeking an income. We all need money. I do this website for free because I care about furries and wouldn’t dream of charging them for my advice, but I do have “Ask Papabear” items for sale on the site, too, because I need money (btw, who wouldn’t want a handsome Papabear mug or T-shirt? Hint, hint! ;-) ) I’m reminded here of a story my mate often tells me about the news industry. He used to give seminars to journalist students, asking them, “Why do stations like Fox News and CNN exist?” He would get answers like, “They are trying to report the truth to Americans,” or even “CNN/Fox have political agendas and are trying to give us their left/right wing slant on the news.” WRONG! After a dramatic pause, he tells them, “They are broadcasting the news for one reason only: to make money.” Once we wash away any notions from our naive, idealistic minds that this world operates on the basis of kindness and brotherhood and realize that, like the lion eating a gazelle on the Serengeti plains, we have to do ugly things to survive, we have gone a long way toward being unsurprised by what humans do. Is there a lot of backstabbing and unscrupulous behavior in the business world? You bet. Is that a pleasant thing? Of course not. Do we have to succumb to this behavior and emulate it ourselves? That depends on what you want in life. For instance, to become president of the United States, you have to do a lot of favors to pay back the favors of people who helped put you in office; you have to compromise your values with Congress in order to get things done. Some people can live with that; I cannot, which is why you won’t see me running for president, let alone any other office. I have seen nasty, horrible people get high-paying jobs they don’t deserve, and, yes, it makes one bitter. But these people climb their way to the top over the bodies of other people and, when they stand at the pinnacle, they find themselves without a soul and without real friends. There are, though, cases in which people are so incredibly bright and talented that they can rise above the crowd and not compromise their integrity. Those people are few and far between in the business world. Then there are those who do not give a rat’s ass about having a prestigious job and being driven around in a limousine—people, like Papabear, who are more than happy to have enough food and shelter to get by and, more importantly, have real friends and family members who love them. One doesn’t need to compromise in any fashion in order to achieve those goals, my dear brother bear. Papabear’s advice to you is this: don’t worry about those backstabbing, double-crossing bastards who make lots of money at the expense of others. These are the people who, like Bernie Madoff, eventually end up having to stare at empty walls, their lives imploding all around them. And, if they don’t end up in prison like Madoff, they might as well be in one because their lives will be very empty indeed. Live and let live, which is a very bear attitude. Pursue what you love in life, hug your friends, love your lovers, and you will find happiness. Hugs, Papabear |
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