Hello, I have a situation going about that I'm just not sure what to do.
I have a friend (21) that I've met online on furaffinity, and while we haven't really met each other in person, we've really hit it on online, and almost talk to each other on Skype. Until now, I've always been there for my friend, especially even when he was going through hard times. But now, he rarely talks to me, and initiating conversation goes nowhere, where we only say a few sentences to each other... and that's it. When I asked him if anything was going on, he mentioned how he can't really speak to me all the time, and how busy he is during this summer. That's fine, he's an adult and has his job to attend to, seems like no issue, right? But, on the popular digital gaming platform, Steam, I always see him either chatting it up with friends and even playing games with them. As for me, nothing. When I asked again, I was told the same thing, and how worrisome I am. After this, it's been the same, him playing and speaking with his friends while in conversations with me, we can barely can keep up a conversation. At this point, I'm just about ready to just yell at him, but, what if he's right? Am I thinking about this too hard, or am I justified about being worried? A Worrisome Fur (age 17) * * * Dear Worrisome, In such situations, Papabear finds that it is wise to listen to one’s instincts. I don’t think you’re being paranoid or overthinking the evidence here, which indicates pretty strongly that, for some reason, this person has become bored with you or otherwise lost interest. In my experience it usually isn’t worth your time and energy to obsess about such things, to pursue them relentlessly, and to be otherwise troubled by them. Sometimes friendships work out, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you find a friend for life, other times two one-time friends drift apart. That’s life. I see people do what you’re doing all the time, fretting about “What did I do wrong?” Well, probably nothing. Usually, the problem is the other person, not you. There’s nothing wrong with you, the other guy just isn’t A-list-quality friend material. You tried to reconnect, and you’ve been met with indifference. He’s moved on, and so should you. Blessed Be, Papabear
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Dear Papabear,
First of all, I'd just like to say that this whole thing you're doing here is fantastic. You've helped tons of people both in and out of the furry community. So, kudos to you. Second of all, I am really confused. Ever since I first went on the internet at 7 years old, I have been interested in the furry community. I'd never really considered myself one...until now. Like, I was looking at these cool fursuits on Tumblr, and it just kind of hit me: "Oh, sh*t, I'm a furry." And, to be quite honest, I am totally okay with this, and I'm not going to lie to myself about it. In fact, I'm choosing to embrace it! So, that's where my question comes in: how do I immerse myself fully in the furry community? I would appreciate it a lot if you could include some websites for me to check out in your answer! Thank you so much! Furry Noob (Oregon, age 13) * * * Hi, Furiend, Welcome to the furry fandom :-3 First off, if “Furry Noob” is really your furry name, get another. “Noob” will only apply for a short time, after all, and soon you won’t be one. Immersing oneself in the fandom is easy because furries are now omnipresent in the virtual and real worlds. There are furcons in 32 of the 50 states, as well as in England, Canada, Sweden, Russia, Australia, Japan, Ukraine, Poland, Brazil, Finland, Italy, New Zealand, Germany, Austria, South Africa, and the Czech Republic. Whew! You say you’re in Oregon, so Furlandia (traditional con) and Campfire Tails (as the name implies, a furry camping event) are nearest to you. If you live near or in Portland, there is the Rose City Fur meetup group, too, you can join. Attending furcons and meets is a great way to get involved—even better, volunteer to help them! As for general furry stuff. My gosh, where do I begin? Well, you can start by taking a look at Wikifur (online furry encyclopedia modeled after Wikipedia) and the news site Flayrah. Both are run by the talented GreenReaper (all hail). I would also recommend checking out FurryToday, which posts all kinds of furry-related videos, and Fursday, a web portal with all kinds of interesting furry-related stuff. I could go on and on, really, but that’s enough to start. Oh, and I am writing a book about the fandom, but that won’t be ready for nearly a year, so you’ll have to wait on that one. Other than that, go on social media sites such as Furry4Life and various Facebook pages and just start making friends and chatting. The best way to learn about the fandom is to make lots of friends. I’ve been involved for some time now, and I’m still learning! Hope this helps! Stay Furry! Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
My name is Basket and I have multiple questions if you do not mind that I am including below. Please I beg you answer them all for me as I am still new to this fandom thing and have certain insecurities an doubts about this fandom thing. Some of the questions reside from personal to questioning the fandom. Instead of pinning this up you can E-Mail me my answers if you'd like. Also if you want to edit this I give you full permission to take one of the questions and trim it away to post to your site. Anyhow, continuing on I have the questions to follow below and I guess some information to tag along behind the questions and what I have tried with them. How does one become a popufur like Telephone, NiiC, Radio, Vandal the Cat, you, and others out there in this fantastic and adoring fandom? Most people say you can start off by getting noticed on small sites like FurAffinity for a talent and work your way into cons with an original fursuit. I honestly have not been at a con, nor have I been able to be original with my fursuits. But how would you suggest me to become into getting well-known and unique. Basically to become a furlebrity. What is the best way to get my FurAffinity account known better to people in the possible quickest way? I know submitting pieces of work and tagging it is probably the most reasonable way, but I don't know how peoples minds work and what tags will give them a lead to my work. I write stories for my profile, being a beginner I only have one story as a work in progress and I plan to continue working on it. Just please let me know if there is a possible way of getting the word around with my profile quicker. How can I get more confidence and motivation to do what I love? I love to write and make stories but I find myself to either be busy and not have the time to sit there and write, or no motivation to be able to say hey let us start to write this story and get it submitted, but not least I find myself thinking what will others say about my writing then I lose my confidence, pride, motivation, etc... Why do a selected amount of people in human society hate the furry fandom? I've heard incidents where furry conventions have been gassed, an then even shot or beaten to death while they're alone or in a small group. I know that one reason is because some of them are into zoophilia, better known as animal sex, but let them choose their path, they shouldn't choose it for them. I found the furry fandom from the start to be cute, family-like, friendly, playful, adorable, unique, different, and supportive. Something I have not had for a long long duration of time until back two years ago. I think I fell in love with the fandom while on a virtual chatting game called IMVU. However, my question leads to why do certain people hate furries, and is there anyway us furries can stop it? A riot to get a law made for just us, get in contact with celebrities that are well-known to them and have them support us, or even if possible the president...just a way to say we're humans to we just have a fandom we're into, no different from you guys in anime cons, star wars cons, etcetera. To wrap these questions in the bag with a special delivery with a topping, my last question of this form is, can you please help me find cheap fursuit makers who do high quality work and can make my character as good looking as Telephone, Radio, NiiC, and so on. My family does not get much money at all we are struggling in real life and the only reason I am able to write this is because my neighbor has internet and gave us the password and a computer, god bless her. Anyhow, like I said our family is barely surviving I am lucky we are getting food, beverages, and rent in. We will be moving though trying to find a better and cheaper place to live. We have been asking churches to help us. Sorry for getting off board, but back to the main focus. I want to get a fursuit real bad my friend online is getting one free for talking someone out of suicide. I could of done that, done that for many people I am left unawarded and without a thanks. But, as saying I really want my character Basket as a fursuit and to be able to call myself a true furry and wear one then attend Megaplex Anthropomorphic Convention in Orlando, Florida. With a custom badge, fursuit, etcetera. But I have not found anyone cheap enough in about 500-700 dollars for a well-made fursuit that will last a long time, I am trying to save up my money to work for this, it's hard because I need to help my family. I've been denied from so many jobs and I really don't know, it must be because I am 16 years old without experience that is why I want to create a paypal and earn money on my FurAffinity. Papabear, please help me out with my chaos in this stuff, as I am struggling to find my way. I give complete thanks for answers to these questions and give you my fullest apology for adding question after question. However, if you read all of this and answer every single one I give you my honor and respect as to I can't find anyone to help me. I'm basically a loner in real life no one to relate to. I have absolute zero friends, maybe one but things went bad between me and him...so yeah zero friends, no mates, only online society. I need more furries in real life nearby where I can either bike it to them. PLEASE HELP! Thank you so much, I thought I'd give you a try. Yours truly, Basket (age 16) * * * Hi, Basket, Indeed, as I request on the form on this website, I do ask that people limit themselves to one question per letter. I really don’t want to open the barn doors so that people think that this is okay, so I am going to try to cram all your questions into one related question, which seems to be this: “I’m alone and friendless and it seems to me that there might be a way to make friends by being a popufur because I really would like to have a bunch of furry friends, even though a lot of people seem to hate furries.” To start, let’s get rid of some of your misconceptions. One of these is that you have to have a fursuit. You don’t. Only about 1 in 5 furries is a fursuiter, and not just because 80% can’t afford one. Rather, many people just don’t really want one. They are expensive, hot to perform in, and really take a lot of commitment. And, while we’re at it, you don’t even need to have a fursona to be a furry (although it’s a lot easier than fursuiting). I would suggest that, with money in your family tight, you save money for important things like, I dunno, food and bills. Not glamorous, I know, but if you can earn some money and your family needs it, the best thing you can do is support your family. Family first—remember that. Now, say, for a birthday or something, your family gives you a little spending money. You might try doing a partial fursuit. Maybe even just buy ears or a tail. And, just to note, you really don’t buy a top-notch fursuit for $500-$700. That’s pretty low end. So, start small and work your way up, but only as you can really afford to. As for being a popufur.... First off, please don’t call me a popufur as I see it as rather a derogatory term that means someone who wants to be popular for the sake of getting attention. That’s probably not how you meant it, but just for future reference.... Some people become popular because they make contributions to the fandom, such as art or running a convention. What I’m saying here is don’t try to be popular; rather, focus on enjoying being a furry. What do you like to do? Do that. Don’t worry about making friends. If you find stuff you really enjoy doing in the fandom, then you will probably meet others like yourself who enjoy doing the same things, and then you will make friends. If you do the other thing—try to be a popufur to get friends—you come off as being egotistical (“All Hail Me! For I Am a Popufur!”) Yuck. Oh, and please don’t say things such as “true furry.” Immediately that smacks of forced definition and elitism.... and bullshit. Pardon my French. A furry is someone who enjoys the anthropomorphic animal arts. Period. Anything and everything else is just gravy. As for furry haters. Don’t worry about them. Now, I don’t know where you heard about furries being killed, because that’s news to me. I have heard, of course, about the chlorine gas incident at last year’s Midwest Furfest in Chicago. The latest news on that is that it was a chemistry experiment gone awry—and by that, I mean someone was trying to cook up meth in their room and when it didn’t work they tried to dispose of the chemicals. They haven’t caught who did it, but it was probably a foolish hotel guest. I don’t think it was a deliberate attack on furries. Usually, the extent of furry “oppression” is mockery from mundanes who don’t understand us. I hope that some of what I have written here will bring you down to earth a bit. Being a furry can be a lot of fun. I have made a lot of friends and have had a great time. But don’t make it into something it is not, and don’t use furry as a vehicle toward becoming popular. It might be a cliché, but, really, you should just be yourself. Relax and have a good time. Take this bear’s advice and just enjoy the bare necessities. Hugs, Papabear |
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A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
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