Hello,
I was wondering if you can help me with something. You see, my first experience with the furry fandom was when I was 13 years old or so. But the thing is, I got exposed to the NSFW side of the fandom and became addicted to it for a few years now. I had the idea to join in the fandom and try to stay on the clean side. Unfortunately, it was not the case as still have the addiction. Sometimes I even have had thoughts on wanting revenge on those who make this kind of art material and how a lot of furries don't keep this kind of stuff private on facebook and twitter that makes it really easy for kids to view it. I only just want to be a good person a lay my demons to rest. Also, if I do actually want to be in this fandom, I might be afraid because of being viewed as immature or as some kind of degenerate and whatever terms and labels people have been throwing around, I know some people say furry is also just a label. Thanks, Anon * * * Dear Furiend, Thank you for your letter, which allows Papabear to address some interesting subjects. You sound as if you have a lot of guilt over being sexually stimulated by furporn. First of all, as a teenager it is completely natural that your libido would be on overdrive. Sex is pretty much on the brain of all young men (and women) because that's when you are the healthiest and most fertile. It's a Mother Nature thing. Most people become very stimulated by "normal" pornography on the Internet. In fact, porn sites are the most accessed of any type of website on the Web. (Interestingly, the Bible Belt states have the highest rate of porn access in the United States). Is furporn worse or more "degenerate" than any other type of pornography? No, no it is not. Do furries look at a lot of porn? Yes, many do--some more than others, of course. Is furry all about porn? Certainly not. Furporn is just one small aspect of a very interesting and diverse fandom; however, to deny that it is also a fascination for many furries would be tantamount to sticking one's head in the sand. Why do some furries look at or create furporn? Are they secretly zoophiles? No. I have a number of theories on this matter about which I am writing more in-depth in my upcoming book. One theory is that fursonas create a mask over our sexual proclivities--a buffer, if you will, protecting us from our culture-promoted embarrassment and anxieties over being sexual animals. It is the same reason, for example, why I, as Grubbs Grizzly, felt much more comfortable performing on stage in fursuit than I ever would have as myself: you feel less vulnerable, more protected against criticism or guilt. Another theory is that furporn allows us to be more free in expressing our animalistic sexual desires. In furporn, no one worries about protection, for example, and there is a sense of liberation in letting it, shall we say, all hang out. It also relieves anxiety over being homosexual ("It's not me doing this, it's my fursona") or having a fetish of some kind. The factor that furries do not exist in real-life places furporn high on the "this is just totally fantasy" list, making it feel safer because one knows that having sex with a dragon or anthro wolf is never going to happen in real life, so there, again, is the relief from anxiety and anticipation. Seeking "revenge" on furporn artists will not help you, as you likely know. First of all, there's no way you will get rid of furporn, no matter what you do. It's here to stay. Secondly, furporn didn't create sexual desires in you; you already had those and porn just provides you with an outlet. Thirdly, don't feel guilty about it. Human sexuality is extremely diverse, and it can be imaginative and highly creative in a good way (the only bad kinds of sexuality involve anything in which sex is forced against someone's will--rape, sex with children, for example). When sex is consensual and done safely, it is actually a healthy practice that fosters social bonds and even love. Finally, if looking at furporn made you a reject in the fandom, then yours truly would be a reject, too. I don't think I am, so you should be cool. Re-examine why you have these feelings of guilt and shame. Is it because YOU think furry sexuality is bad, or is because you feel society thinks it is bad and will reject you? Hugs, Papabear
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Hello Mr. Bear, I have only been in the fandom for about a year, and have been with my boyfriend for longer. (We're both introverts and didn't talk to each other for the longest. I kept staring at him, and I've caught him staring. I internally freaked out and didn't know what to do so I put all of my eggs in one basket and had flowers and candy (this was around February and my school does this service that sends flowers and candy to people who want them to be sent to someone, yada yada yada, I'm getting off topic) sent to him weeks later. Instead of my name on the card, I drew a picture of myself, as to not draw attention to myself from the rest of my classmates. He looked in my direction and said "I like you, too." I still dog him for that. And I panicked and said "y-you too". He still dogs me for that, too. I really do love him.) When I'm browsing my art instagram account, I always slowly turn my phone away if we're sitting together on a couch or something. I don't really know his opinion on the fandom, nor have we talked about it. I don't know if or when we'll have this conversation, but if it DOES happen, how do I go about telling him? Thank you for your time (I need to work on my story-telling skills), Grayden Baretuff * * * Hi, Grayden, That's a charming story and I thank you for sharing it :-3 As for telling your boyfriend, you're worrying too much. I was in your position once, and I was freaking out just as you are. Finally, got the courage to tell him, and he was like, "Oh, that's interesting. Why were you afraid to tell me? No big deal." I ended up taking him to conventions and he really loved seeing the fursuiters and talking to people, even though he wasn't a furry himself. Other people I've told along the road were pretty much of the same opinion. Most, to be frank, had never heard of the furry fandom, and when I explained what it was, they were like, "Oh, it's kind of like Comicon" or other conventions and such. They were fine with it. The key is to tell people honestly about it, and if they have questions, answer them frankly. The less self-conscious and embarrassed you are about yourself being a furry, the easier it will go. Hugs, Papabear |
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