Dear Papa Bear,
A few months ago I joined a fur group locally. It has been an experience and I've moved from being a lurker to an active furry. I even have a partial for an alternate fursona and a full one coming up. I picked up drawing again and I enjoy it so much! My problem is before this started up a whirlwind it was because of one fur that I met that I even got to where I am. This wolf completely toss my world around and I have such great friends now and life has been generally a great place. I will admit... I fell hard for this wolf...just being around him...makes my heart beat heavy... long story short he eventually found out how I felt and I have shared a few moments where I could feel a spark between us. The problem being... he has a mate. Now I'm not asking about how do I steal him (even though a fox could try lol) and we've gotten through a lot already. The issue I want to ask you is because of where I live I can't separate myself from him because he's apart of my local fur group and attends many of the events that we plan. I can't remove myself from him completely even if I wanted to... Papa Bear... What does a fox like me do? *cue Chasing Pavements - Adele* * * * Hi, Adele, Since you already know it wouldn’t be right to steal him away from his mate (assuming you could do so)—and it’s a good thing you realize that!—the question becomes, “How can I not get all bewitched, bothered, and bewildered around this wolf every time I see him?” The answer is simple, but not easy: find someone of your own to love. Then, you will love that person and the wolf will no longer hold a gravitational pull for you. Oh, sure, that interest may take a little while to fade, but if you truly love another then your focus will eventually be on your new love and it will be fine that you and the wolf find yourselves in the same furry circles. That would be Papabear’s first word on the subject. But you also mentioned that “spark” between the two of you. Was that mutual? or was that just you being hopeful that he returned your amorous feelings? If it really was mutual it is worth investigating further. So many people who write to Papabear have questions simply because they haven’t spoken directly with the other parties involved in their problems. You know this wolf has a mate, but I have heard the term “mate” thrown around a lot, especially in the fandom, sometimes seriously, sometimes not so much. Is this a real, deep, passionate, exclusive matehood? Is it more casual? Is it new or long-established? Obviously, you don’t want to get in the way of true love, but, to go the other extreme, sometimes people pair up with others just to not be alone, and sometimes people are very unhappy with their current relationship. You didn’t give Papabear enough information to make a good judgment call on that, so you will have to figure that part on your own. While you and I both know that breaking up a couple who are truly in love and monogamous is flat-out wrong, on the other paw if the relationship isn’t that serious and the two of you could have something more powerful and meaningful, then you have a right to explore that, too. It’s also possible, as has been mentioned in this column before, that a polyamorous relationship might develop. If everyone consents to that and is open to it, everyone could win, but it can be a difficult row to hoe, as they say. So, talk to the wolf. Tell him your feelings. The worst that can happen is that you are back where you started; they best is that you find out he actually has stronger feelings for you than for his current mate. You’ll never know unless you ask. Good luck, Papabear
0 Comments
Hey Papabear!
I have been dealing with this issue with my mate for almost a year now. As of now I have been the only one in our home that has held a steady job. Now I ain't complaining one bit that he is not working I don't mind bringing home the bacon. The only problem I have is his anger and depression with himself. I try my hardest to be strong for him, but it seems like every time I see him break, I feel helpless and don't know what to say to him. His long bouts with depression make me speechless. I feel so bad because I just don't know what to say other than to tell him to keep looking, keep trying, keep pushing. I feel horrible because he was so strong for me when I went through the unemployment depression and now I don't know what to do for him. He is my soul mate. My fuzzy Polar Bear. Can you lend this Cabbit a hand? Thanks a bunch BlazeNeko aka Blaze * * * Dear Blaze, There are still many people suffering in this country because of the economy. Our “leaders” have made a mess of things, and many Americans now find themselves unemployed through no fault of their own. There are some strong parallels here between your life and mine—my mate used to command a big salary and had an important job, but the industry he worked in changed dramatically and he found himself out of work. This was about five years ago and he is still struggling, but he is making slow progress (more below). I’m guessing by your letter that it is not your mate's fault he is out of work, but some kind of downsizing? If that’s the case, the first thing to reinforce in his mind is that it is not his fault. (If it was his fault, then the first thing to do is make sure that whatever he did to lose the job is not repeated). In either circumstance, however, be sure to let him no you are not angry in any way and love him with all your heart (just reiterating for my readers, as I am guessing you’re already doing that). Next, recall what he did for you to support you when the circumstances were reversed. Did he do some things that made you feel better that could work on him as well? Now that he is lingering at home a lot, make sure that he is kept busy. The worst thing one can do is sit around the house or apartment and mope. Ask him to do some things around the house and thank him when he does so—don’t push him, don’t give him a laundry list of tasks, but do ask for a little help and make your gratitude readily apparent. He needs to feel useful right now, and that is one thing you can do. Other options that come up include going back to school (don’t go to one of the many fly-by-night schools that have recently cropped up to take advantage of people who are unemployed—you know, the ones that say you can get a certificate or degree in weeks in, say, medical billing, or a few months. Most of these are overpriced places that give out useless degrees). Community colleges are quite good in this country, however, and offer many worthwhile degrees for a lot lower tuition than four-year schools. Another option is to try and work at home, either by turning a hobby into a business or by doing work on a computer for another company. This is what I do. I quit my publishing company years ago because it was becoming intolerable and went into business for myself as a freelance editor. My hubby bear, meanwhile, is taking his skills in areas like audio editing, interviewing, and public relations to build his own business. It has been a long, hard road, but it is finally starting to pay off for him. All of the above involve redirecting that anger and self-blame that he has into constructive energy. He needs to feel useful, to feel like he is working toward a goal. You can support and help him with any or all of the above by helping him do research on schools and jobs, talking to him about what he would like to do with his life. In the most optimistic light, he could view this downtime as an opportunity to reevaluate his life. Many people go through life working dull, dead-end jobs simply to make an income. It is Papabear’s hope that there is something he really likes to do that he could maybe turn into a business or employment opportunity. Talk to him about his dreams and see if you can help him find that new life goal. If you feel “speechless” at times, Blaze, that’s okay. Sometimes people don’t want to be talked to when they are down. They just need lots of hugs. Be encouraging, be attentive, be helpful, but never pushy. This can take lots of patience. Sometimes years (I know), and it can really be a test of your relationship, but it sounds like you have the right attitude. He is a very lucky Polar Bear to have you. Hugs, Papabear Hello, Everyfur,
Papabear's inbox is once more running on empty, so I thought I'd chat about something important to me. Recently, I received an email from Chion Wolf, producer of "The Colin McEnroe" show, which is broadcast on WNPR in Connecticut. They are doing a show about the "furry lifestyle" before FurFright. As she writes: Hi there! I'm a producer for the Colin McEnroe Show on WNPR in Connecticut, and we're doing a radio show on Furry culture before a Furry event at the end of October - We'd love to get some more voices on the show to tell our audience about the Furry lifestyle. There was a library here in Connecticut that recently said that Furries aren't welcome! We wanted to take that opportunity to do a show and educate some folks. Are you available to call in? Or know of someone else, or anyone in Connecticut? We're still waiting to hear back from the people organizing FurFright 2012. Thanks in advance! I wrote back that I would be happy to talk on the show because I strongly believe that we should not hide from the media. Principally, what I wish to emphasize to Ms. Wolf (with a name like that, she should be a furry!) is that there is no such thing as a "furry lifestyle." That furries are a diverse group and do not share a "lifestyle" of any sort. You know and I know what Ms. Wolf is referring to when she labels the community this way, and I find it offensive. No two furries are alike. The only thing we ALL share is our interest in anthropomorphic characters. After that, we are a mixed bag--young, greymuzzle, gay, straight, religious, atheist, male, female, fursuiters, nonfursuiters, artists, nonartists, etc. etc. Of course, we'll have to address the whole furporn thing to which my response is that the furry community is comprised of sexually active people who enjoy sex like anyone else. Next question. I'm really sick of the outside community--mundanes, if you will--always try to label us and pigeonhole us into something that will be titillating so that they can have a story that gets them viewers or listeners. I'm not sure if Ms. Wolf will still invite me to her panel or not, but if she does, let me know what things you would like me to talk about with her. Write me at zoobear863@yahoo.com. --Papabear Dear Papa Bear,
I think I'm in love with two people. I was told to follow my heart but the thing is... I care for them both the same. I've known each of them for a long time. I know each also care for me the same. So... how do I choose? Kuvok * * * Hi, Kuvok, You think you are in love with two people? That first sentence speaks volumes. You aren't actually sure you love them, are you, hon. One thing I've noticed with many furries who talk to me is that everything with them seems to have to happen right now. I have to decide right now whom I love, what to do with my education, where my career is going, what to do with demanding parents. All of them, including you, Kuvok, need to take a lesson from us bears. Relax.... cool it.... fall apart, in my backyard. Because lemme tell you something, Lil' Britches. If you act like that bee act.... uh uh, you're working too hard. And don't spend your time lookin' around, for something you want that can't be found! When you find out you can live without it and go along, not thinking about it I'll tell you something true.... the bear necessities of life will come to you.... they'll come to you. Pardons for quoting Baloo. But I think you get the point. You don't have to decide right now. My suggestion is that you explore your relationship with both of these people further (you say you've known them for a long time, but evidently not long enough to decide). The more time you spend with them, the easier it will be to figure out which one is the best for you. When the time is right to decide, you will know. Hugs, Papabear My first time in an advice column ... I’m usually the one giving advice haha... Anyway, I have a boyfriend, we've been together for more than a year, and we haven’t had a single argument, but I feel like we're drifting, and I kinda like someone else... Thing is, the last thing I want to do is break up with my boyfriend, but the other person is a girl.. so am I, and she insists she's straight. She said she'd be interested in me if I was a guy, and we've had sleepovers, and she seems very comfortable with me cuddling and touching her. I don't know what’s up really, I'm just so confused as what to do...
As well as that whenever I compliment her she seems to really like it, and I know my boyfriend wouldn’t mind if she was to share me with him (weird, I know) but I don’t think she likes me in that way and it's left that horrible "what if" question floating around in my mind. So here's my question: what do I do? :/ Cassie * * * Dear Cassie, I hope I’m not misinterpreting you, but it sounds like you are bisexual and want both a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Reading between the lines, too, it sounds like the girl you are interested in likes you a lot more than just as a friend, but I suspect she is not ready to admit to herself that she might be bi or gay. The only way to answer the “what if” question is to ask her how she feels about you. Does she just want to be friends, or something more? I would NOT introduce her to your boyfriend as a potential for a threesome, as you intimated, because even if she does admit she has strong feelings for you jumping into something like that would likely be way out of her comfort zone. Meanwhile, you need to work on what you want. You say you are drifting apart from your boyfriend, but you don’t want to break up with him—because you are afraid of hurting him? or because you are in a comfortable relationship? or are you afraid of coming out? Lots of things you don’t really explain here that could be possibilities. Papabear suspects that what you really want is a relationship with this girl, but you are afraid to pursue it because she might reject you, and you are equally afraid to break up with your boyfriend because he is your backup in case the other relationship doesn’t work out. You won’t be able to move ahead until you work it out with your girlfriend. Once you discover what she wants and what you really want, then you will know how to proceed. Good luck, hon. Papabear Hey Papa Bear!
This is my first time writing to you, and I really don't know how to start. I guess I'm going to jump right into the problem I have. Recently I was heartbroken by my ex mate after spending over $500 of my graduation money to see him in real life. I have horrible luck with guys in my community, and online relationships just work for me, for the most part. After two weeks I had a miscarriage of his baby, and I was extremely suicidal. After getting a lot of the help I needed, I felt very lonely despite my medicine. Though the suicidal thoughts went away, I still felt the need to connect to someone in a relationship. Well, someone I RP'd with was extremely interested in me. We were slightly sexual with each other, role-play wise, and I felt comfortable enough with him to moan for him over the phone. He never was upfront with me about what he wanted from me, and after a while I just assumed he didn't want to be my boyfriend. A week or so later, we still talked, but I signed up for something called Furry Mate, and I found a very sweet boy there. He's very nice, and I like him an awful lot, despite my dad's "NO DATING INTERNET BOYS" rage, it's just very hard for me to say no to him. Well, just the other day, the guy I previously engaged with comes out of nowhere, and to my surprise he assumed we were already a couple! I was just... astounded. Because I just didn't expect that, and I wasn't sure what to do. I expected some sort of confirmation that I was his girlfriend. I'm TOTALLY against cheating, but I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm cheating on the sweet guy from Furry Mate, but... I mean, the guy from the RP was there first. I'm not a whore. I don't moan for everyone. I felt connected to the first guy just after a few days, and I like him a lot, I just figured he didn't want a relationship. To my surprise, he did, and already thought we were. I'm not very good at hurting people, and I always feel extremely depressed. I don't want to choose between them, I'm tempted to just break it off with both of them to avoid conflict.. But I like them! What should I do? Lyla * * * Hi, Lyla, First of all, my sincere condolences for the loss of your child. I cannot imagine that kind of pain, but am relieved you got help and are feeling at least a little better. On to your present situation: First of all, you can’t really “cheat” when it is just a virtual relationship. I know you have “better luck” with virtual boyfriends, but it is still not the same as having one IRL. Also, you made no commitment to this first guy, and the fact that he didn’t really communicate with you for some time and is now assuming you are his girlfriend is rather presumptuous of him, don’t you think? You have not made a commitment to either of these guys, therefore you are not cheating on either one of them. In real life, it is perfectly fine for a boy or a girl to date more than one person at a time. You are, at this point in both relationships, just dating. Papabear is not sure if it is a furry thing or if it is a generational thing, but I get a sense that young people these days jump waaaaay too quickly into serious relationships—or, at least, what seems to count for “serious” these days, which, to my mind, is just silly. You are young and it is too soon to be committing yourself to one person. This is a time in your life when you should be allowing yourself to have some fun, meet lots of people, and find out what is out there. Lyla, you already discovered what it is like, tragically, to get too serious too fast with someone. Don’t repeat that mistake, and certainly refrain from sex at this point. Papabear says, do not commit to either one of these boys. Also, tell them that. You can be friends, even do a little flirting, but I would recommend you not take relationships with either one too seriously, especially since you haven’t even met them IRL. Take a deep breath, don’t take life so seriously, have a little fun. Your first priority is you: finding out what you really enjoy, what your purpose in life is, how to get along in the real world, and THEN work on a committed relationship. Chill, hon. Hugs, Papebear Hello Papabear,
I am writing to you because I feel I have no one to turn to. I have been hacked down so much that I have no self-confidence whatsoever about anything. I have been learning how to draw furry for about 2 years now and after loosing my job in a shop last month I have had to sell my artwork to try and make ends meat (aka money). Even one of my famous (in the furry random) friends has been trying to help me. Sadly, people only wanted my work to get cheap work of them as they would offer something up like a sketch or something like that, which cut my confidence down even more, so most of the time the people who get the work off me don't even comment as if the work is just some shit to be flushed down the loo. I have lost all trust in my artwork, even when my husband says, "Yes, it looks good," these days I can tell he doesn't really find it good, he just doesn't want to make me upset, which hurts me even more than no one will tell me the truth. I have always failed things in my life, been laughed at, bullied, even lost every job I have ever gotten and artwork was the only thing that used to make me happy, but of late it's just sent me deeper and deeper into depression to the point my hubby’s work scalpels are looking very inviting. I don't know if I should just give up or carry on. I don't want to put my friends down after all the help they have given me. Do you have any advice for a furry going down the sinkhole? Love from Ru * * * Dear Ru, Although I am not an artist, I am an author of fiction and can empathize with an artist’s feelings of self-doubt. So, just to see what you were talking about, I found your FA page (note to readers: she asked me not to share it) and checked out your work. (By the way, you need to post there that you are taking commissions). Since you are too close to your own work, obviously, and don’t trust your mate’s word (“you have to say you like it because you’re my mate” syndrome), here is an objective opinion. Ru, Papabear thinks your work is quite good and you have talent. I think you should continue to pursue your art, not only because you are good at it, but because you enjoy it. Furthermore, the more you draw, the better you will inevitably become. As for furries not paying much for your art or not commenting on it enough, I have heard this complaint from many many other artists in the fandom of varying skill, so you are not alone there. Many artists get a bit ticked off if they don’t get lots of compliments. It’s really nothing personal from the furries; it is just laziness or lack of consideration, I guess, but you shouldn’t necessarily take it as a reflection of your skills. Some of your depression, too, is from your job loss, which might be causing some feedback difficulties, by which I mean the more you suffer setbacks, the more depressed and negative you become, which then results in more setbacks because people see your negativity and self-doubt, which makes it less likely that you will be hired for other jobs. What you obviously need is to get your self-confidence back. First, rededicate yourself to your art. You have only been at it for two years and already are quite good. Double your efforts and you will be amazing in another two years—always remembering, though, that you are doing this for the joy of drawing, not for plaudits and money. If that is your main motivation, the commissions will come because your art will command more respect. Second, get back on the job hunt. Try to network and get job referrals from friends, relatives, and former colleagues, as this is always more effective than hunting through the want ads. Combine this with a regimen of esteem-building exercises (see http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/10-ways-to-instantly-build-self-confidence/) to boost your morale. Your self-worth is predicated on your own viewpoint. Do not allow others to define you and what you should be. The best judge of you is you. You are a worthwhile person and a good artist, Ru. Keep forging ahead on your art! Hugs, Papabear Hello again Papabear,
Writing you again for a different issue that I'm having. Though I'm pleased to report that I've been feeling better and haven't had as many thoughts of suicide. :) On to my problem, I've noticed over the many years that I've been a part of this fandom (and the short time I've been in the brony fandom as well) that quite a few people are very active politically. This is great! I love that people in my age group (18-25) are taking politics seriously. However ... it did not take long to notice that most furries/bronies are at the opposite spectrum from me. Yes, I am a conservative and registered Republican. Though I consider my party affiliation/ideals to be more along the lines of a Libertarian, I usually vote Republican. This has caused ... rifts between me and the vast majority of furries when politics is brought up. While I consider myself very calm and tolerant of others beliefs/opinions, most furries who engage me spew a surprising amount of hatred my way just because of my party. I cannot begin to express how much this upsets me. I feel as though the majority of the fandom has decreed that I'm not allowed to have an opinion and if I say anything that goes against them, I'm the target of extreme hatred. At this juncture I'm at a loss for what to do, I was even hesitant to write to you as I know you also share a differing political views than I. It seems that whenever politics is brought up, I cannot respond, because doing so brings a torrent of angry people leaving nasty comments/DMs. I've tried to explain my position rationally and logically but no one wants to listen. They immediately pass judgment and lump me in with the crazed religious Right. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. I support gay marriage, I'm pro-choice, and yet they all seem to treat me like some vile scum unworthy of respect. It feels like I'm forced to listen to what they have to say but if I try to get in a word edgewise I'm immediately treated like garbage. Basically, what can I do? I just want other furries/bronies to show my views the same respect I show theirs, am I asking too much? -Towyn * * * Dear Towyn, Thank you for a very interesting and germane letter in this political season. I’m flattered that you would write to me despite your fears that I might pass judgment on you on this topic. I hope the below will alleviate that fear (and everyone’s fear) that Papabear would do something like that about any subject, no matter how controversial. As with many issues that Papabear addresses, I feel I can speak with some authority on this one because of my experience. It might surprise many of Papabear’s readers that he was once a registered Republican and voted for Ronald Reagan—twice. But while I believe in some of the values of the Republicans, such as less government control on states’ rights to manage how they spend their tax money (I used to live in a “donor state” of Michigan that gives the government more money than they receive in aid, and I believe California is the same way). The Republicans used to have “paws off” policies concerning people’s private lives, as well. For example, President Reagan believed that government should have nothing to do with abortion or other things we do in the bedroom. But then the Christian Right and other conservative extremists took over the Republican Party, and it became the party against a woman’s right to choose and against gay marriage and other issues that are none of their business. Once that happened, they lost me as a supporter. Doubly so when I learned, much to my chagrin, that Republican presidents, despite averring that they were more fiscally responsible and conservative, actually spent MORE money and ran up the deficit MORE than Democrat administrations (Clinton, a Democrat, did the most to balance the budget of any 20th century president). There may be some argument about President Obama’s spending, but a lot of that was to shore up the egregious fiscal irresponsibility of the previous administration (Republican) and with being saddled with two wars (started by a Republican). The problem in our country today is that both parties still have some good ideas to offer BUT THEY WON’T LISTEN TO EACH OTHER and they won’t compromise. It has all become about political agendas, what to do to stay in power, which is something the great George Orwell correctly predicted, RATHER than helping the PEOPLE of this country! Grrrrr! *Pant pant* LOL. Okay, Towyn, maybe you see the ol’ bear’s point that politics is a very hot issue. Just as with religion, people have strong opinions and are often unwilling to listen. Papabear is guilty of that sometimes. I have a very VERY conservative uncle in Texas who kept sending me anti-Obama emails. Finally, I got sick of it and stopped reading. I have a furry friend who is a horse who is quite conservative. It’s actually interesting to chat with him, and although I only agree with him once in a while, sometimes he points out things I haven’t thought about and has persuaded me occasionally. What many in the furry community need to practice is tolerance on this topic. It is interesting that we seem to be cool with other religions, races, sexual identities, etc., but you are correct, Towyn, that on politics we seem to be less tolerant. It is wrong for other furries to get mad at you just because you have some conservative views, just as it would be wrong for conservative furries to get angry at those who are liberals. Papabear thinks you are running into this problem a lot because you are probably chiming in on various social network discussions rather haphazardly with your opinions. Because there are a LOT of liberal furries out there, you are setting yourself up for an attack. My suggestion would be that you refrain from such open discussions and, instead, keep such conversations where they are more apt to be listened to and debated intelligently, such as the Political Furs group on Furry4Life: http://furry4life.org/group/politicalfurs. You can also form your own group. You could create a Libertarian Furries group on FB, for instance, and welcome those with more conservative views. OR, you can start a No Drama Political Views group or something like that, where both sides are encouraged to debate intelligently without the fear of being banned because of their views. I hope your previous experience with political flaming won’t turn you off the fandom and that, instead, you will proceed constructively as suggested above. Good luck! And big HUGS from a gay liberal bear LOL! Papabear Papabear,
I'm in a bit of a predicament. There is this gay guy (I'm a gay guy too) who I've had my eye on for quite a while. He and I are great friends and have known each other for over a year, but we're long-distance friends. Now when I first met him, I thought of him as just a friend, but then I started to feel more. As our friendship went on, I could tell he was flirting with me, so I flirted back. When I finally got the courage to ask him if he liked me to, I expected a “no.”. What I received was a "I don't know." I was crushed, but I still liked him and still stayed friends with him. He did reveal to me that he was "hurt" by someone else, and I understand that, and I've tried to tell him that the flirting needs to stop, but it never does. I decided to make a rash decision and just cut off my connection with him for days at a time, and when I do talk to him, he just keeps bringing up how he's not emotionally attracted to men and only physically. Now I should also bring up that I'm incredibly self-conscious about my weight and have said that to him. I just get really confused cause he used to ask me strange questions such as "What kind of wedding do you want?" or "Where do you want to go for your honeymoon?" and even mentioned that me having his last name sounds nice. My question for you is, I can't take this teasing anymore, should I just cut off all connections with him and not talk to him anymore? Cedric * * * Hi, Cedric, It would help Papabear some if you had mentioned your ages, but I will assume you are old enough to be married (or mated in spirit). Your friend is definitely sending you mixed signals. The references to weddings and such might just be an odd form of flirtation, but it is an emotionally manipulative one. It is time to stop the guessing game and instead sit this guy down, face-to-face, and ask him point blank what he wants. Tell him about the mixed signals he is giving (he might not be aware he is doing this) and that on one paw it sounds like he just wants to get physical (chub chaser, is he?) and on the other paw he’s hinted at more. Ask him what he wants, and don’t stand for equivocation. Does he want more than just friendship? If yes, then work on that. If no, then tell him if he just wants to be friends that’s great but the flirting needs to stop. If he hems and haws and won’t go one way or the other no matter what you say, then, yes, time to drop him. Tell him you’re sorry, but you just are not up for a lot of emotional games. Wish him well, but tell him it is time the two of you parted company. Communication, as always, is the key to resolving such issues. Good luck! Hugs! Papabear Dear Papa Bear,
I am (was) a Martial Artist that quit the last Dojang (to clear any confusion, that's Korean for Training Hall like Dojo is in Japanese) because the instructor wanted some of THE most ridiculius things from me. He wanted me to Fast and Shave my head for HIS belt test (I wasn't even testing). When I was to test I would be expected to do even crazier-sounding things that most of everybody I talked to (one of those people being an instructor from a different school) said were absolutely ridiculous. This was just under three years ago. I'm not going back there anytime soon. The thing is, however, that I miss the Martial Arts training I was getting. I miss the various drills that I would do. I miss being covered head to toe in sweat (I have replaced that to a point with weight lifting as a nearby fitness center). I miss the learning and the discipline. I miss the sparring and the board breaking. I want to get back in, but money and time (or lack there of) now seem to make it an impossibility. Part of me wonders if maybe I should just practice what I know solo in the back parking lots of my townhouse. I was a black belt in a different school before I went to the place with the crazy requirements. I'm left wondering what is best for me at this moment. What do you think, Papa Bear? Sincerely Big Leo * * * Dear Big Leo, If you have time to practice in the parking lot or weight train in a gym, then you likely have time to get formal training, it seems to me. I find it hard to believe that the Dojang you went to is the only one available. Surely there must be other places where you can formally train? Find one and go there instead. If there is not one that suits you, then could you perhaps try another discipline in the martial arts? Perhaps you can try a Japanese or Chinese form such as Kung Fu? I always thought Jeet Kune Do was cool. Always loved what Bruce Lee taught: the style of no style. Be flexible in philosophy as well as body. Perhaps trying various forms of martial arts will make you a more well-rounded practitioner of the art of self-defense? You can also look for other people who enjoy martial arts and form your own group with people of different abilities, making sure to find some who are better than you so you can learn from them. Good luck! Papabear |
Categories
All
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
|